to think you shouldn't post pictures of someone else's DC to Facebook without asking permission?

[LouiseD29]

Possibly being a bit over tired and pfb, but have been having visitors over the past few days to meet my divine week-old DD. Am knackered, but pleased to see everyone and understand they all want pictures of themselves holding the baby. But now they've all started popping up all over Facebook and it's just really winding me up. Not sure exactly why, I just feel it's really rude to broadcast pictures if someone else's baby without even asking first! AIBU?

[sparklingstars]

YANBU. I don't put pictures of my children on FB, nor do I mention them by name. My oldest now has an FB account and has chosen not to have any pictures on there, though she can if she wants - she's old enough to make her own decisions now.

[MuddlingMackem]

YANBU.

We post pictures of our kids on FB, but since I mainly use FB for keeping in touch with friends and family I don't see very often or at all and finding out in many cases how their kids are doing and sharing how mine are then it's obvious I will. However, I'm always conscious of trying to not post any photos which may embarrass them in the future, and I'm very picky about who I accept friends requests from. I have to get to know them well either online or in RL first.

If I take photos including kids whose parents don't share photos of them on FB I would always ask if it's okay to post them, in fact even if they do I'd probably still check with them anyway. :)

[HorryIsUpduffed]

I think that although the photographer retains copyright, Facebook has an automatic non-exclusive licence to those photos - practically speaking, they can't show them to the friends you've selected without that licence, so it doesn't mean they're planning to steal anything. Other users might do so, though.

I would always ask before putting pictures of other people's DC on FB, or certainly post them on locked down privacy settings and without tags (tags make photos visible by friends of the tagged person). I also typically don't include identifying information such as names.

Anyone with a newborn is going to be extra sensitive so yanbu, but when it's family I'm not sure how much control you can reasonably exert. If the grandparents take them out for the day and share photos...?

My DM is good at only sharing those with family (she is FB friends with MIL and SIL, for example, and she also shares with her DB and SIL who are overseas) and asking before she used a photo with the DC as her cover photo. I said no to her using one as her profile picture, but I was ok with cover.

[DoJo]

Waltzing Matilda It's not an urban myth - you don't transfer copyright, but you do grant Facebook a license to use your images in any way they choose and that is what I don't like about people posting images of me/my children. From their Ts and Cs:

"For content that is covered by intellectual property rights, like photos and videos (IP content), you specifically give us the following permission, subject to your privacy and application settings: you grant us a non-exclusive, transferable, sub-licensable, royalty-free, worldwide license to use any IP content that you post on or in connection with Facebook (IP License). This IP License ends when you delete your IP content or your account unless your content has been shared with others, and they have not deleted it."

[Fakebook]

I don't mind if its family and close friends. I trust them enough to know they have their privacy settings set to high so no random person will see them. Saying that, I do have pictures of my children on my Instagram account and that's public. I don't see the problem tbh.

[Goldenhandshake]

I am on the fence with this one, however a few posters have mentioned instances of people posting photos as soon as the baby is born, before the parents have even made an announcment of birth, this is one of my major bug bears. I am expecting DC2 in April and am already feeling resentful that I will need to add an addendum to any calls we make asking people to not announce on FB etc until we have/we are ready.

I do find facebook sucks the life out of any major event such as weddings, births etc.

[LillethTheCat]

Schools have to have the permission of the parents to use photos so why not others? Its just good manners to me.

[curlew]

Because I have a different relationship with school than I do with my mother?

What about framed baby photos, and Christmas cards with family groups on. Are you saying that people shouldn't display them on their mantelpieces? After all, you don't know who'll come into their living rooms and see them, do you?

[silverten]

Totally different, curlew. Photos on a mantelpiece can't be copied/manipulated, shown to the world and his wife or used for advertising.

[FondantNancy]

Someone asked what the problem is (for those of us who don't want pictures up). Here's my problem:

1. Social media is still a huge and evolving experiment. No one knows the implications of having their photos/info in a huge database. Each to their own, but the level of information people feel comfortable sharing truly shocks me when they really don't know how it'll be used. Technology's evolving so quickly that there are possibly implications none of us can imagine right now.
   

1. I'd like to give my DC a choice about how they appear/are presented online. Once they're teenagers they can make that decision on their own. Until then, I'm keeping them offline.

[gordyslovesheep]

really wouldn't bother me at all - it's a picture - it's not the actual child - so I am not really worried about people seeing a picture

[curlew]

"Totally different, curlew. Photos on a mantelpiece can't be copied/manipulated, shown to the world and his wife or used for advertising."

Well. I have sent pictures of my children all over the world- I know that a picture of my dd was on my cousin's desk in a busy reception desk of a big hotel in America. I bet more people saw that than say any of my Facebook pictures. And as for manipulation and advertising- does this happen? And if it does- so what?

[FondantNancy]

Curlew - I'm willing to bet those pictures won't be around forever. Images on the internet will be. Like I say, it's possible we have no idea of future implications of social media.

[Dylanlovesbaez]

YANBU! We had this issue with mil. There are no pictures of dd on Facebook, we made that decision before she was born as we were finding privacy settings changed regularly without our knowledge. Mil did not ask but put picture on Facebook, we asked her to take it down and she got very arsey. It's not that we don't want friends to see pictures of dd and we understand that mil would want to share pictures but when her friends 'like' a picture, that then becomes visible for their friends and so on! It's also very easy to take pictures from Facebook, I know that's worse case scenario but really anyone can access them. It wasn't her place to make that decision about our daughter. I do think people should ask first.

[FastWindow]

busycee my sentiments exactly.

[Jengnr]

I always ask first as I know people are weird about it but seriously, it's a photo.

'Implications of social media'? Like what?

Obviously people who need to hide etc have good reason but I'd imagine those people don't have an online profile so it's no big deal.

[Dackyduddles]

Interesting. Am wondering if age of mum a factor too? Do younger ones mind less?

[FondantNancy]

OK, just one 'implication'...

Facebook tracking cookies are still active when you log out. This means that all the activity you partake in outside of Facebook is still 'sent' to Facebook. This means that Facebook has a huge store of info about each user - sites they visit, what they buy, what they do in their spare time etc. At best, this could be used as targeted advertising. At worst - well, haven't you read 1984?!

Facebook says that they do this to improve your FB experience. But they're a private, moneymaking enterprise and what they do with this data is up to them.

I'll admit I'm a little tinfoil hat about social media. But I work in this field and what I read is scary.

[BackforGood]

YANBU - I would never put a photo of anyone else's children on FB (without specifically checking about a specific photo if I did want to) and I expect others to show me the same respect.

[Turniptwirl]

Did you state that you didn't want photos on fb? If not then yabu to think people wouldn't post them but ywnbu to politely ask for them to be removed.

If you did make your wishes clear then yanbu and should definitely remind people and tell them to remove them.

If you have posted pics on fb of dc yourself then yabu to expect others not to imo

[DancingLady]

YABU. It's just a photo, and if it bothers you ask to be untagged/have the photo taken down. But if a friend took offence at my putting up a photo of their baby I'd think they were being a bit paranoid and weird... YOU might think YOUR baby is the most gorgeous/stealable precious bundle in the world - no one else gives a shit, really.

[mymagaret]

I totally agree with your reaction. She is your baby and for a while yet you will be making all her decisions for her. I don't want anybody posting photos of my baby online, if they were really concerned what she looked like they would come over and visit her in person. I think facebook is full of nosey people waiting to judge , I want my baby to stay out of that for as long as possible.

[RubyrooUK]

I don't tend to post pictures of other people's children on Facebook unless I know they are happy with it or they are prolific photo posters who have shared pictures of my DC. I also don't post photos of anyone who isn't on Facebook themselves.

I also work with social media and don't find the future particularly alarming. I actively like the way my aunt in Canada and another in Norway can discuss who my baby looks like on social media by commenting on my photo. I loved when friends posted lovely comments and photos after visiting my recent newborn. Having said that, I only post rarely as I don't want to bore everyone rigid.

I am more concerned about the lack of sense current teenagers show in what they post. I have several teen cousins who post not-cryptic-enough messages about sex, parties and drugs without much thought of how easy this is for future employers to access. That is doing a lot more damage in my eyes than some boring photos of them at a party as children would be.