My labour was better than yours- ner ner ner ner ner!

[superstarheartbreaker]

I don't know if I'm being over sensitive here but my labour was fairly ineffective, traumatic, long and ended in a c-section. I was gutted at the time but pleased in the end and actually insisted on a c-section as was labouring for so long.

My lovely friend has a new born and said she didn't want to gloat but her labour went really well with no pain killers and it's a shame I had to have that 'nasty' epidural. (for the section.) Tell me she's in bonkers new mummy mode right? She's obviously really proud and so am I?

I am so happy for her but at the same time I hate all of this competetive birthing stuff. Am I being over-sensitive?

[garlicagain]

I'm clearly the only one who's not getting what she's done wrong (I am the only one who hasn't had a baby, so that could be why!)

I understood this conversation to be, basically:
"How was your labour?"
"Pretty easy! Thank fuck it wasn't as hard as yours!"

I mean, we don't want her to pretend she had as bad a time as OP, do we? But neither do we want her to ignore the fact of OP's ordeal. Seems like she's in a double-bind ... and, what with post-partum mummybrain being at its peak, I thought she managed it reasonably well!

[Twiddlebum]

I'm also confused.

I'm currently pregnant and am actually sick of people telling me about their awful pregnancies and birth stories, especially as I haven't asked to hear them. It's much nicer to hear hear lovely stories. I have had a crap pregnancy but still like to heat stories from other pregnant ladies that are having a brilliant time of it. Maybe I just prefer to surround myself with positivity rather than doom and gloom. I fully appreciate that I haven't been through birth yet but if I have an absolutely horrific time of it I would still rather hear of positive stories and move on from the bad times.

[MrsHoratioNelson]

Agree Twiddlebum although, to their credit, no-one has told me horrific birth stories while I was actuall PG, but then they did that before I even contemplated having children. No wonder it too me so long to come round to it!

But they way I look at it is this - much like the way you deal with what happens after the birth, you do what's necessary to get you through. Some people have "easy" nice births, just like some people get lucky with "easy babies. How anyone think that this is anything more than pure luck is either deluded, arrogant or both.

[karinmaria]

YANBU. This whole labour competitiveness is just weird. I had my DS a few months ago (first baby) - started off like a sneeze birth, ended in epidural and episiotomy! I've noticed the competitive mums always bring up labour first and never ask how you're recovering (regardless of how your labour went).

I tend to skim over mine for any pregnant women who ask as I was high on pethedine for a great deal of it and don't remember most of the bad bits!

[exoticfruits]

Bonkers! No one wants to know- least of all your DC. ( the only time they might be interested is if they are your DD and pregnant)
I had easy births- it was luck- nothing more.

[superstarheartbreaker]

I think the sadest thing is that my mum used to tell me about her awful labour and how she lost six pints of blood and almost died after having an induction..hence making me terrified of labour. But then she was a bit toxic like that. I had some doulas who were far too narural birth ...they even dissuaded me from using gas and air! If there is a next time ill not listen to nowt.. I also agree that is good to hear p ositive labour stories...but not if you comparin or gloating at others misforune!

[samithesausage]

Can't see the point of labour competitions. Mine were pretty boring and text book.
First and second were gas and air labour, third and fourth planned c/s.
There were some comedy moments though.
2nd labour, ex insisted that I wouldn't give birth for ages yet "because the first took ages". My dad accompanied me for nearly the whole of the labour until ex turned up. Plus no one would give up their seats in the waiting room. One person reluctantly gave up their seat, and I gave it to my dad (he's disabled), and the receptionist tore everyone off a strip and got me a seat too!

When my dad broke his hip, they were having hip repair competitions though. My dad came out top trumps because he was awake through out and heard all the banging and sawing!

[KitNCaboodle]

Welcome to the world of parenting! Everything is a sodding game of top trumps. It starts at the birth (who had the quickest/longest/most traumatic/painless etc etc ) and continues for years.

One of my friends (A) told another friend (B) that her (A's) emcs was more of an emergency as her baby was born within 20 minutes of the decision being made.
B's section happened at 32 weeks because of pre eclampsia.

Next it will be feeding (how much, how frequently) and sleeping.

[exoticfruits]

And just you wait until you get to reading books! An advanced reader must mean you are an advanced mummy!

[urtwistingmymelonman]

I only had gas and air but only because I am terrified of needles and there was no way I was letting someone near my back with one!
currently pregnant for the second time and wish I had the balls to have an epidural.

[Floggingmolly]

What she's done wrong Garlic, is to not only imply that her own labour was somehow "better"; but the fact that it was better was down to her superior management skills instead of blind chance.

[garlicagain]

Well, there's implication and then there's inference ...

I'd better leave this thread: not only did I miss out on the parenting competitions, but I seem to have failed the class in being competitively offended, too