My labour was better than yours- ner ner ner ner ner!

[superstarheartbreaker]

I don't know if I'm being over sensitive here but my labour was fairly ineffective, traumatic, long and ended in a c-section. I was gutted at the time but pleased in the end and actually insisted on a c-section as was labouring for so long.

My lovely friend has a new born and said she didn't want to gloat but her labour went really well with no pain killers and it's a shame I had to have that 'nasty' epidural. (for the section.) Tell me she's in bonkers new mummy mode right? She's obviously really proud and so am I?

I am so happy for her but at the same time I hate all of this competetive birthing stuff. Am I being over-sensitive?

[garlicagain]

Well, there's implication and then there's inference ...

I'd better leave this thread: not only did I miss out on the parenting competitions, but I seem to have failed the class in being competitively offended, too

[Floggingmolly]

What she's done wrong Garlic, is to not only imply that her own labour was somehow "better"; but the fact that it was better was down to her superior management skills instead of blind chance.

[urtwistingmymelonman]

I only had gas and air but only because I am terrified of needles and there was no way I was letting someone near my back with one!
currently pregnant for the second time and wish I had the balls to have an epidural.

[exoticfruits]

And just you wait until you get to reading books! An advanced reader must mean you are an advanced mummy!

[KitNCaboodle]

Welcome to the world of parenting! Everything is a sodding game of top trumps. It starts at the birth (who had the quickest/longest/most traumatic/painless etc etc ) and continues for years.

One of my friends (A) told another friend (B) that her (A's) emcs was more of an emergency as her baby was born within 20 minutes of the decision being made.
B's section happened at 32 weeks because of pre eclampsia.

Next it will be feeding (how much, how frequently) and sleeping.

[samithesausage]

Can't see the point of labour competitions. Mine were pretty boring and text book.
First and second were gas and air labour, third and fourth planned c/s.
There were some comedy moments though.
2nd labour, ex insisted that I wouldn't give birth for ages yet "because the first took ages". My dad accompanied me for nearly the whole of the labour until ex turned up. Plus no one would give up their seats in the waiting room. One person reluctantly gave up their seat, and I gave it to my dad (he's disabled), and the receptionist tore everyone off a strip and got me a seat too!

When my dad broke his hip, they were having hip repair competitions though. My dad came out top trumps because he was awake through out and heard all the banging and sawing!

[superstarheartbreaker]

I think the sadest thing is that my mum used to tell me about her awful labour and how she lost six pints of blood and almost died after having an induction..hence making me terrified of labour. But then she was a bit toxic like that. I had some doulas who were far too narural birth ...they even dissuaded me from using gas and air! If there is a next time ill not listen to nowt.. I also agree that is good to hear p ositive labour stories...but not if you comparin or gloating at others misforune!

[exoticfruits]

Bonkers! No one wants to know- least of all your DC. ( the only time they might be interested is if they are your DD and pregnant)
I had easy births- it was luck- nothing more.

[karinmaria]

YANBU. This whole labour competitiveness is just weird. I had my DS a few months ago (first baby) - started off like a sneeze birth, ended in epidural and episiotomy! I've noticed the competitive mums always bring up labour first and never ask how you're recovering (regardless of how your labour went).

I tend to skim over mine for any pregnant women who ask as I was high on pethedine for a great deal of it and don't remember most of the bad bits!

[MrsHoratioNelson]

Agree Twiddlebum although, to their credit, no-one has told me horrific birth stories while I was actuall PG, but then they did that before I even contemplated having children. No wonder it too me so long to come round to it!

But they way I look at it is this - much like the way you deal with what happens after the birth, you do what's necessary to get you through. Some people have "easy" nice births, just like some people get lucky with "easy babies. How anyone think that this is anything more than pure luck is either deluded, arrogant or both.

[Twiddlebum]

I'm also confused.

I'm currently pregnant and am actually sick of people telling me about their awful pregnancies and birth stories, especially as I haven't asked to hear them. It's much nicer to hear hear lovely stories. I have had a crap pregnancy but still like to heat stories from other pregnant ladies that are having a brilliant time of it. Maybe I just prefer to surround myself with positivity rather than doom and gloom. I fully appreciate that I haven't been through birth yet but if I have an absolutely horrific time of it I would still rather hear of positive stories and move on from the bad times.

[garlicagain]

I'm clearly the only one who's not getting what she's done wrong (I am the only one who hasn't had a baby, so that could be why!)

I understood this conversation to be, basically:
"How was your labour?"
"Pretty easy! Thank fuck it wasn't as hard as yours!"

I mean, we don't want her to pretend she had as bad a time as OP, do we? But neither do we want her to ignore the fact of OP's ordeal. Seems like she's in a double-bind ... and, what with post-partum mummybrain being at its peak, I thought she managed it reasonably well!

[raisah]

Stupid idiotic woman. Who knows what her second birth will be like, she may have all the interventions in England & would she be gloating then? No, she should be grateful that she has access to these services when so many women in the world are dying during child birth unnecessarily.

[holidaysarenice]

'Did you collect your award for the drug-free labour you suffered through? Because unless theirs a shiny certificate and a gold star to be had I'm sticking with my preferred method! Both ways give a healthy mum and baby'

• that's should shut her up!!

[DoJo]

Being generous, is it possible that you had told her you wanted a natural birth, or shared some of your initial disappointment with her that you had had to have a c-section? Perhaps she was (admittedly cackhandedly) trying to sympathise with how you must have felt in the light of her recent experience and offering what she thought was a sympathetic comment. Perhaps she feels as though now she has done it, she can understand why you might have felt gutted about how things had gone.
Only you know her and can judge whether:

1. She's a twat and always has been but you've only just noticed
   
2. She's a temporary twat on account of her hormones/tiredness
   
3. She's a nice person who is trying to say something innocuous which is coming out all wrong
   
4. She's has been brain-washed by a hypothetical anti epidural campaign
   
5. Although in your head you are perfectly happy with your birth experience, there is a little bit of you which still holds regrets and a combination of that and her ill-judged comments has needled you in a way that was probably unintentional
   
6. None of the above and you misheard her saying something about a goat and crafty sweaty squirrel.
   

On the whole, I'd be tempted to give her the benefit of the doubt seeing as you describe her as 'lovely' but maybe you could mention to her that she might want to steer clear of that kind of comment at baby groups etc as she wouldn't want someone to misinterpret what she's saying and get upset or think she's a twat.

[nocarsgo]

A friend of mine used to boast about how quickly she pushed her babies out.

I just used to think "Huh, bucket fanny"

Just ignore OP, and hope it's temporary insanity.

[areujoyful]

YANBU But I wouldn't take offense, for some reason people feel free to say the most insensitive things to pregnant women/new mum's, and she is on a hormone high right now.

But I really just don't get this whole competitive crap - what's the big whoop whether or not you use drugs? Labour is terrifying and you only have very limited control over it! A girl has to do WHAT EVER it takes to get through it. Aren't we ladies meant to be helping/supporting each other?!

Mind -you it's the celebrities that dish out their patronising crap on us poor mere mortals that I find TOTALLY offensive. I remember Giselle Budchen spouting on about her perfect labour and what were women going on about?! she, apparently, had no drugs and used yoga and breathing techniques to get her through and "...was up making pancakes the next morning..." well, whoopdidoo, love, you are obviously VERY special.

But, it's her opinions on eating during pregnancy, breastfeeding and potty training that really get me nerves!!! Give some people a 6 digit pay cheque and they go silly from the high and think they're experts on EVERYTHING...SHE SELLS HER BODY FOR A LIVING FOR GODS SAKE!! Aaaaaarrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!!

sorry rant over

[ElaineVintage]

I had a horrid reaction to the fentanyl in the epidural during my last labour. Spent 2 long excruciating hours itching like i was infested with bugs. Bleak as hell and much worse than the contractions and even more exhausting!

[MoonlightandRoses]

YANBU - It's luck rather than skill so what's there to be proud about?

P.S. I'm with Fakebook in the epidural appreciation corner - went from vomiting from the pain to doing the crossword in about ten minutes - brilliant invention when it works if you ask me.

[Fakebook]

Wtf. Epidurals are the best thing ever invented for labour, especially if its long and drawn out. I actually napped through my first labour. It was brilliant. Your friend is bonkers.

[propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS]

Your friend is bonkers to boast or think that she is clever. It all boils down to genetic luck. Some people have great legs, some have pert tits, some are naturally athletic, some hSve swishy hair and some give birth easily. It's the luck of the genetic draw, imo.

[Helltotheno]

I don't like pain, especially uncontrolled/unexpected pain, and the reality is, I didn't want natural labour, CS suited me far better. If I had my time again, the only difference would be I'd have gone for elective on the first rather than labour followed by CS.

Can't understand anyone boasting about how they birthed out their sprogs. Who TF cares?! The end justifies the means

[Thurlow]

Bonkers indeed.

But when faced with that, play the "my labour was so traumatic and worse than anyone EVER could imagine" card. That's what I do. I might also treat them to a minute-by-minute breakdown of my similar ineffective 40 hour labour. If that doesn't break them, I wheel out the stats on DD's unspecific bacterial infection, and possible even a long discussion of what NICU and SCBU are like.

That seems to out bonkers them in the end.

[TerraNotSoFirma]

Bonkers indeed, who gives a fuck as long as you have a snuggly newborn at the end of it.