to smash in my own door?

[Khaleasy]

OH has anger issues, most of the time he is fine but he'll lose his temper at ridiculous things and then storm around. Already in a bad mood, he is driving round town and can't find a parking space - cue swingy, swervey, heavy-acceleration driving. The lights go on amber and he doesn't stop, so I ask him - calmly - please stop at the lights. He does an emergency stop just in time.
I don't want to be in the car with him when he is driving like this, this is the second time in three days he's been driving in a way I don't feel safe in. I ask him to pull over and let me out. With much cursing, he does so and I get out and start to the bus stop - he drives away.

I realise that he has the only keys to the house (mine are in the house) so text him "Can you leave my keys outside if you leave the house" knowing full well he will strop off somewhere.

I finally get home on the bus - to find door locked, him gone and no keys.
It is pissing it down with rain. He is unlikely to be back for hours.

The neighbours - who have a spare key - are out. His parents, who have a spare key, aren't picking up the phone.

Our door is an old lead, glass and wood affair and we have previously had to knock in a pane of glass to break in. After 15 minutes of calling around and getting wet I end up breaking the (already cracked) pane of glass to get myself in.

OH will go BALLISTIC when he comes back. (He's already smashed it twice when locked himself out).

WIBU? Should I have just waited?

Note: OH lovely lovely man, 99% of time before I get lots of LTB!

[Runningchick123]

Okay, I misunderstood about where you had left your keys , but it was still you who left the in the house.
And you said he has been behaving badly for three days so it sounds like you irritate the hell out of each other and storming out of the car and breaking your window is just childish.

[fluffyraggies]

If i was locked out of my house in the rain with no car to sit in, no way of knowing how long i was going to have to be out there and (perhaps, i don't know?) not enough cash to spend the rest of the day/night in cafes and restaurants having lovely meals - then i would have broken the pane too.

It is cheap to get a pane of glass cut OP. I got a 10" x 4" one for £7. Stick it in any way you can! Putty. Glue. Sellotape till you can get the proper stuff!

I think the bigger picture is your DPs anger management here. You know that too ay?

Really - are you afraid of him at all?

[HighBrows]

OH has anger issues Red flag number 1

he'll lose his temper at ridiculous things number 2

driving round town by the sounds of it like a lunatic - number 3

this is the second time in three days he's been driving in a way I don't feel safe number 4, and so on.

Open your eyes to the type of man you are in a relationship with.

it is unfair to say that we "irritate the hell out of each other" which simply isn't true, it is actually true to say there is irritation there and that he treats you badly.

[xylem8]

OH lovely lovely man, 99% of time before I get lots of LTB!

yes well everyone is nice when everything is going their way.The being nice, or at least reasonable, when they are pissed off is what separates out the decent blokes from the wankers.

[Khaleasy]

"breaking your window is just childish"

Can I clarify that I broke the window for the single purpose of gaining entry to my house and getting out of the pouring rain?
I don't want people to think I did it out of spite, in a tantrum or to make myself feel better.

Fluffyraggies - anger management issues big problem, will look at options with him when he gets home. I can say confidently that i am not scared of him, at all though. The only time I felt frightened was in the car, which is why I got out. And I wish I could spend the day in restaurants! But a no-go moneywise unfortunately!

[Iamsparklyknickers]

Ok, presuming that you're not in denial about your dh's 'true' self, if he's stressed to the point it's affecting his personal life he really needs to take some action. You're in a position to spell that out to him in black and white. Point out the penalties and dangers of driving emotionally and when he's being UR. It doesn't have to be confrontational but in a partnership I don't believe that you let people have the rope to hang themselves without offering up a warning if you can see it.

I consider my own relationship completely functional, but I've had moments that taken in that one single context you could deduce I was a completely hysterical bitch. I'm not, I'm just human and have a breaking point - long term stress tends not to bring out the best in people, I'd have been devastated if DP had left me over something that contradicted the previous 15 years he's known me.

I agree you need to look at replacing your front door if it's that easy to break into, makes no odds if there's a pane of glass in there or not in regards to security.

[CailinDana]

You say you're not scared of him at all and then you say you were frightened in the car. Do you not see the contradiction in that? What if you were in a situation where you couldn't get out of the car, on the motorway for example? Your partner should never ever frighten you, ever. They should care about your happiness and wellbeing. Your OH clearly doesn't give a shit how you feel. In fact I would guess that he enjoys frightening you - I'm sure he doesn't frighten his mother or his boss does he?

[diddl]

And if he did go home, he's an absolute twat for not waiting for you if he didn't want to leave the keys out.

He could have stropped off after you were safely home and dry

[Khaleasy]

OH is back and calm. He said I wind him up and he wasn't driving badly but after that apologised and is now fixing the door without any issue. (Im very clumsy and would probably cut myself)

Have talked to him about anger issues and he's not willing to see a counsellor but is open to the idea of group work.

[Runningchick123]

Most people would have gone to a cafe or a relatives to get out of the rain rather than spend a stupid amount of money on a new pane of glass just to get out of the rain. Rain is only water, it isn't harmful.
It is quite Worrying that between you and your OH the window has been broken several times to gain entry to the house; does that not strike you as being very poor home security?

Post a question asking if its unreasonable to break the glass, tell the World Wide Web what an angry guy your OH has been for several days, tell us all that he was driving like a lunatic and then get defensive when some people say it is unreasonable to break the window, that there was better solutions to the issue of being locked out and that your OH has issues that need sorting out

[diddl]

"He said I wind him up"-who'd have thought it!!

[CailinDana]

So it's your fault he was angry?

[Trigglesx]

He said I wind him up and he wasn't driving badly

Red flag number... how many is that? I've lost count now....

[Bluebell99]

I don't understand that you don't have the money to go for a coffee for a couple of hours until your oh or key holder gets back, but do have money to smash a window. Surely the repair of window would cost more even if you do it yourself than the cost of a cup of coffee?!

[MadameBlavatsky]

My abusive ex also used to drive like a maniac when angry. Eventually he did it once too often and crashed the car. He could have killed us both and left our dc an orphan.

That was the straw that broke the camels back for me. How far does your abuser need to go before you realise it? The amount of red flags waving is scary. Ignore your instincts at your peril here OP.

[piratecat]

going home so quickly and not waiting long sounds like you were making your point about the driving and anger.
i may have it wrong but how long should it have taken for him to get back to the house.
was it like a test

[pictish]

"You may judge a man's integrity, by how he behaves when he is wrong."
That's the saying isn't it?

Anyway...your husband there sounds like the absolute polar opposite of what I look for in a spouse.

He's angry. Only to you though I'll wager.

He uses outside influences to justify treating you like crap. Stressed at work? So what? Not your fault is it? No one in my house takes their shit of the day out on anyone else. He's not especially entitled - he's not the only one with problems and stress.

He drives like an idiot. He knows it frighten and upsets you, yet continues to do so. Thinks it adds a couple of inches to his cock no doubt. Who cares what you think about it? You don't count.

He's spiteful. He'd rather see you walk or get the bus, than apologise, and modify his aggressive, dangerous driving. He then deliberately locked the door and left you with no means to get in, by way of sticking the boot in further. Nice.


You may wax lyrical about his saintliness all you like. I think he sounds appalling, and you're in the middle of it listening to his rationale and thinking he has a point, and taking his remorse as sincere.

Till the next time. And the next...and the next...and the next, unto miserable anger issues infinity.
Meh.

[Nanny0gg]

Would he be angry and drive like an idiot with someone else?

Or just you?

That's what I thought.

Yep. Very nice man.

[kitbit]

Why didn't you just ring him and ask him to come back to let you in?

Were you scared of his reaction?

[arethereanyleftatall]

well said sparkly knickers.

alot of posters seem to know your dh better than you do.which is unusual.

I was your dh for about 1 year, about 6 months ago. I didn't even know I had anger issues until I was in the stressful situation of 2 young children, building work plus part time with all at once . I took it out on my dh, not driving or violently, but verbally. It came to a head, when he told me he'd had enough about 6 months ago and wanted out. I had no idea I'd pushed him th a far. Because I was nice 99% of the time, like an another poster said, that's what I focussed on, but he was permanently on edge waiting for the 1%.

I realised he was right, and promised I'd change. Every time I felt myself getting angry, I repeated in my head it wasn't his fault and removed myself from situation till I'd calmed down. It was hard at first.has got easier, and now 6 months down the line and were getting on.lije a house on fire, like we did in the ten years we had pre-kids.
Tell him to get himself sorted, and stick with him of you think he's worth it.

[Khaleasy]

Why didn't you just ring him and ask him to come back to let you in? - i did. Six times, he wasn't picking up his phone. I called his parents via mobile and home about six times too

[Khaleasy]

arethereanyleftatall - thank you for that. I really appreciate it. He really is worth it. As someone said up thread, its a case of getting a snapshot that makes it look bad.