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AIBU?

to let my children play with a tennis ball in the road

156 replies

HopeClearwater · 03/08/2013 11:15

Don't know what to do. We live in a small cul-de-sac of 3-bed semis. My dc are allowed to play with bat and ball outside at the widest part of the cul-de-sac. I can see them from my house. I don't let them play football there. An elderly neighbour is taking great exception to it, hates the ball rolling into his driveway (everything is open, tiny front gardens mainly converted to hard standing). He's just shouted at my younger child when the ball rolled into another neighbour's driveway.
He stands in his front room watching them when they play out and waiting for the ball to go somewhere he thinks it shouldn't.
I have a tiny back garden and my other neighbour complains when any balls land in his garden, so I feel that's out now as well.
I'm trying to be sympathetic to the old guy but I can't help thinking that he'd have spent his childhood in the streets of London and not stuck inside. He's shouted at me too, told me they shouldn't be playing out and it infringes his rights. I was very polite back but didn't actually agree or disagree with anything he said.
Help...

OP posts:

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atrcts · 04/08/2013 20:09

I have lovely memories of playing tennis with my brother in the road.

I think it's lovely you have a nice quiet cul de sac and are a Mum who is pro-freedom (as much as is safe).

I would say though, that it's important no perceived harm can be done (just because it hasn't yet doesn't mean it can't) and so I'd use a reasonably soft ball so no dents in cars or broken windows!

Other than that, unfortunately some people think children shouldn't have fun and your neighbour sounds a bit of a sour grapes really.

If it bothers you, rater than roll over, i suppose you could call a truce and allow street tennis at certain hours of the day (would be hard to enforce because of weather though), or for a certain agreed length of time.

But if you all have a hard enough skin I don't think you're unreasonable to ignore!

xylem8 · 04/08/2013 20:15

so atrcts do you think it's ok for kids to running in and out of their neighbours gardens retrieving the ball?

pudcat · 04/08/2013 20:20

please not scooters. The children bump them up and down the kerbs and home made ramps outside my house and the noise goes all through the house. I have to shut all windows and have fans on to keep cool.

Rhino71 · 04/08/2013 20:22

What is it with people getting so funny about a child retrieving a ball from a garden... They want their ball back, they don't want to spy on you in the bath.. Lighten up its a piece of grass.

rocketupbum · 04/08/2013 20:36

Our street is like 5madthings, loads of kids out with a variety of equipment. We all have very very small back yards and the street is a cul de sac off a cul de sac. Also the nearest park is about 15 mins walk across about 3 busy roads! It is not really practical to spend all day there.
The kids are only allowed soft balls and mostly run around the block rather than across the road.
I think it would be incredibly sad if they weren't allowed to play out at all and cause lots more screen time arguments in our house!

xylem8 · 04/08/2013 21:01

What is it with people getting so funny about a child retrieving a ball from a garden
jeez how entitled are you!! It's their garden why should brats use it as an extension of their playground? No wonder kids these days have no respect for other peoples property when parents are encouraging this.

PresidentServalan · 04/08/2013 22:07

Xylem - I agree - and then the parents complain that people get pissed off about the kids going in their gardens!

DoingStuffForHarriet · 04/08/2013 22:19

Sounds to me that they aren't playing outside your house, but down the road, outside the old neighbour's house, where the road is wider. Their ball is constantly being batted up his drive, and no doubt your dcs are running up and down over his property to retrieve it. YABU in my opinion. This would get on my nerves too.

Rhino71 · 04/08/2013 22:29

They're children, it's a piece of grass, stop being do bleeding precious. The children around here are polite, do knock and treat other people's property with respect, what do you think is you g to happen if they walk on grass? Lighten up and get a life.

PresidentServalan · 04/08/2013 22:36

So being disturbed by constant ringing of the doorbell and kids wandering in and out of the garden, esp when the person is child-free isn't going to annoy them??

Andro · 04/08/2013 22:59

What is it with people getting so funny about a child retrieving a ball from a garden

Because they're in and out and in and out and in...repeat ad nauseum. Then there's the car alarms going off relentlessly because the ball has hit a car - again. Not to mention the howling when a child has decided that using the gate is too much of a trek, so they've tried to go over the wall and fallen - again. Then of course there is the damage done by the bat when they've gone running up the drive (bat in hand) and smacked said bat into a car (that was DH's company car last year...lovely).

xylem8 · 04/08/2013 23:15

why does the OP not take the kids somewhere they can play on a sufficiently large public space that they are not encroaching on private land ?

MrsGSR · 04/08/2013 23:36

Personally I wouldn't worry about kids going into my front garden (although constantly ringing the doorbell would be a problem for anyone with a napping child, anyone who is ill/disabled).

I would be annoyed if the kids were playing with a tennis ball and bat around cars. Even hit by a kid, a tennis ball could very easily dent a car, or set of an airbag which could cost hundreds to repair. Whilst it would be unlikely to break a double glazed windows, it could smash a greenhouse or shed window. If it was a soft ball I wouldn't have a problem with it.

kali110 · 05/08/2013 02:48

Its unfair to say its just a garden.my mum loves gardening and takes great pride in it.not fair to have kids trampolling all over it.nobody would llike it if someone ruined something they had spent time and money in. My living room used to be front of the house so i woud be annoyed if peoole were constantly running up and batting balls near my windows. Maybe neighbour is wimorried about damage. If someone is looking after his garden then maybe he has limited mobility.
Id be more worried about your dc being run over though op. even though you live in a cul-se-sac doesnt mean its risk free. It only takes your child a sec to forget safety or for a driver to go too fast.not everyone is a considerate driver.

ChippingInHopHopHop · 05/08/2013 03:38

A ball running onto a driveway is such a petty, pathetic thing to complain about.

The cul-de-sac is public space - he can 'think' all he likes, but he can't 'do' anything about it. However, if he shouts at your kids for playing in the street, you can do something about it - which is something I wouldn't hesitate to tell him.

If you are prepared to pay if they cause any damage to windows or cars then it is your lookout and only yours if they play in the public street.

ChippingInHopHopHop · 05/08/2013 03:39

kali the OP has taken pains to describe his garden - there aren't any plants to ruin.

ChippingInHopHopHop · 05/08/2013 03:41

I dont know whether it is stupidity or naivety

How about neither. How about assesing the risks and making a decision... just because it's different to your decision it does not make it stupid or naive

WorrySighWorrySigh · 05/08/2013 07:31

I think my neighbours who allow their children to play unsupervised in the road are stupid or naive. Our DD was knocked over and injured on our quiet cul-de-sac. I have explained this to neighbours.

One set now directly supervise their children when they are playing out in the street. The other set 'supervise' by leaving the front door open and sitting in the back garden. IMO they have not assessed the risk, they are simply sticking their heads in the sand. That makes them stupid or naive.

RedHelenB · 05/08/2013 07:50

Worry - I understand what you are saying BUT children do need a chance to play away from adults, it's part of growing up so i don't see either set of neighbours necessarily making the wrong decision.

Catmint · 05/08/2013 08:03

There is far more traffic on the roads now than there was when any of us were children.

flossieflower · 05/08/2013 08:06

I am currently visiting family in a very similar street admit the two boys next door have been playing tennis with a proper tennis ball. I have lost count of the number of times they've trampled across my family member's flower bed (and other neighbours) to retrieve their ball and as they are playing right next to my car (not their parents cars!!) I am getting very annoyed by it. They also play until 9pm which is an hour after my youngest goes to bed and the constant noise has been keeping her awake.

I think it is really selfish to let kids play with tennis balls near other people's cars or houses- use your own garden or go to the park!

StanleyLambchop · 05/08/2013 08:18

How willing are you to accept responsibility for any damage though, OP? Our neighbours DC used to play tennis in the road, one day the ball got hit quite hard on a neighbours car, there was a large tennis ball dent in the car. The kids knew they had done wrong and ran into their house. The car-owning neighbour went to knock at the front door to report kids damage- row ensued as the parents denied it was their DC and said the neighbour could not prove it was so they would not pay for damage. So poor neighbour stuck with repair bill . Kids back in the road half an hour later, playing tennis again! Perhaps your neighbour has had a similar problem in the past?

Also, all those who said they played out when they were a child and did not come to any harm- there are many , many more cars on the road today. It is not really safe anymore. YABU on this one I think!

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topknob · 05/08/2013 08:31

Our cul de sac is quite like 5madthings as well, except the kids have the added bonus of fields and woodland at the end..this summer the kids in the road, 3 of mine, 4 of the other neighbours in the road, have all built a den in the woods ! They play out together either on bikes or just general running about, looking for frogs etc. IF any of them do something I don't like, such as taking a bike too close to my car, I tell them, the same goes if ANY of them went into another neighbours garden, I tell them no. As do the other parents. My kids are 8,9 and 11 and they love just going outside to play. I would not however allow them to go to the park alone, it is a 15 minute walk, road crossing involved and I can't see them. I do take them most days though.

WorrySighWorrySigh · 05/08/2013 08:41

RedHelenB - I get what you are saying about the need to play away from constant parental supervision but is a road the place to do it?

My neighbours' children are all infant school age or younger and with the road sense normal for their age ie pretty much none. My DD was 11 when she was knocked over so the injuries were to her leg/foot. Even at the slow speed of the accident the injuries were significant. At a younger age the injuries would have been further up her body - pelvis, trunk, head. The potential for these injuries to be life changing or ending is far greater.

Children playing in the road with a ball will not be paying attention to the road. They will be watching the ball. All it takes is for a child to run out into the road after the ball and for the great misfortune for a car to be coming along at the same time. This car could be a neighbour, a delivery driver, someone lost.

The risk is there, ignoring it is not the same as assessing it.

siezethenight · 05/08/2013 08:43

I miss hearing and seeing kids playing out in the street. All the kids are older here and don't do it.
I think most elderly people who are grumps are perhaps lonely deep down and any interaction with somebody is interaction.
I would get a soft ball like others have suggested though. If for no other reason then to save yourself a bill should a car be hit or a window smashed.

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