To want us all to be treated like human beings while we are in labour

[Itchywoolyjumper]

Some of you might remember the internal examination thread which ended up with so many women telling the stories of the poor experiences at the hands of health care professionals during their pregnancies, labours and in the post natal period.
Many women spoke of lack of consent, poor communication and lack of respect from those who they should have been able to trust in their most vulnerable hours.
One poster spoke of being held down to be stitched because the pain relief had not yet taken hold and she was writhing in pain, while an other described being made to feel like "the dead meat around the foetus".
Its 2013, these and all the stories like them on the original thread should have been consigned to the history books long ago but instead we are being made to live them.

In response to this some of us are trying to start a campaign to bring this type of treatment to an end.
We have three broad aims:

1. to help empower and support women making complaints against HCPs involved in their obstetric care.
   
   
2. to help educate HCPs to examine their practice and improve their treatment of pregnant, labouring and post natal women.
   
   
3. to lobby to bring about legislation to protect women against obstetric violence.
   
   Some amazing posters have started a website from where we hope to make a start on these aims, you can join us at:
   
   maternity-rights.webs.com/

[confuddledDOTcom]

The news is looking interesting. I need to go and do a bit of research into what's being said but it looks like it could be helpful.

[McNewPants2013]

I was in with my sister while she was in labour and my view is that the doctors just don't listen to labouring women.

She basically had to shout at the doctors to agree to her having a c-section.

[FutureNannyOgg]

Fred, that is all really horrible. The episiotomy especially.

When I had my first child I had an emcs, I had asked for the screen to be lowered so I could see him born, but they refused, and told me I would see him on the resuscitaire. In reality all I saw was midwives bums while they washed, measured and weighed him. It felt like forever, I had heard him cry, but I desperately needed to see him, just a glimpse, so know he was OK. I really sympathise with that feeling, it's primal and makes you feel so helpless. They told me I couldn't have skin to skin until I was off the operating table (though he was laid on me while I was stitched, wrapped in a huge towel).

When I had my second we transferred in with suspected pre-eclampsia (lets not wonder why my blood pressure shot up after the midwife did her horrible internal), and after we got there, he got into trouble, and I went for a crash section. Despite it being an emergency, the surgeon showed him to me as soon as he was out (cord still attached to me), he delayed cord clamping for 2 minutes, (according to my contingency c sec preferences) and I had skin to skin and he fed while I was stitched up. That is mother centred care. Just a little bit of thought, the willingness to listen and understand. My second section, despite being the greater emergency, was a positive experience, it should always be that way.

Fred, you are in a great position now to consider the things that might help you have a better time this time around, and to make sure they are implemented. Make a clear birth plan. Have a doula, or at least a couple of birth partners who are clued in and prepared to speak out for you (I believe my husband explaining to the MW - while getting gowned up- that my first section left me really upset, and how much my requests really meant to me, really helped).

How you cope with the pain is personal to you. You are no "better" or "worse" for how you handle it, it just is. Induction is more painful, especially on a drip - you don't get the natural oxytocin to help relieve your pain. Read Birth Skills by Juju Sundin, it's amazing. Learn about how to improve your oxytocin levels. Consider water. Or, if you want, put down that you want an epidural as soon as you are in active labour. NICE guidelines say you are entitled to one as soon as you wish. Some places can do a mobile epidural, so you can keep upright, or you can ask for it to be turned down when you are ready to push, so you can move to a good position, and push with your contractions rather than being coached.

What your HCPs did to you was not a punishment for you not being good enough. It was vile mistreatment and you have every right to be very angry at them.

[FredKiller]

This thread has had me in tears. I've tried to talk about it to others but no one seems to get why I'm still so upset about DS's birth, over 2 years on.

I was made to feel like a silly, little girl throughout by MWs. In fairness, I didn't handle the pain very well so maybe I was being a bit pathetic. Ended up induced, with epidural and ventouse delivery. But there are three main things that haunt me.

Firstly, I was given an episiotomy without being told, let alone asked. All I heard was the consultant say "pass the scissors" before he cut me. Like some animal. I then received no pain relief during stitches, and epidural had long worn off.

Secondly, I didn't get to hold DS for ages after his birth. Because I needed stitching, I was told. We didn't have any skin to skin, which saddens me so much. Thankfully, DS was such a greedy bugger it didn't hamper our bfing relationship, but I am so aware that it easily could have.

Thirdly, like Miaow, no one told me whether he was a boy or a girl. It wasn't until my DH had been holding him for several minutes that he checked.

There are several other, more minor things that upset me. Just little asides from MWs, being left alone to push for half an hour, being told I couldn't eat anything FOR TWO DAYS during labour, being left in a gown covered in my own vomit for over five hours, told off for screaming when they sliced me open, etc.

I think I'm dwelling more these days because I'm 31 weeks pregnant with number 2, and just so terrified of what is to come. I have a MW appointment this week so will try and raise my concerns with her then. However, when I tried to talk about them at my booking in appt (different MW) I was dismissed with a "oh well, you can try again for a better experience this time around", as if all of these things happened to me because I didn't try hard enough to handle the pain. Which, to be honest, is what I've been secretly beating myself up about.

[FutureNannyOgg]

Thanks
My husband was in the room, he was traumatised by the whole thing too, he deeply regrets not intervening, but he didn't have the knowledge or experience to be sure of his convictions.

I did speak to my GP, when I was booking in for a smear/coil fitting, I thought she might be able to talk through options with me, the choice she gave me was "either you have it or you don't". I ended up not going to the appointment. She's the only one in my surgery that does the procedure, and I don't really want to be dealing with her lack of sympathy. I think I might try contacting the local GUM clinic and see if I can find someone more helpful. Before I had this baby I used to have counselling with a doctor who was both a psychotherapist, and a gynecologist, she was fabulous, but I have moved area now, and I understand she was a bit of a rarity.

I'm in touch with the Birth Trauma Association (in fact I am on their list as a potential group facilitator, but nothing seems to be happening with that), they are quite helpful.

[confuddledDOTcom]

On a side note, RTB and I are talking to the founder of Humanize Birth (a Canadian organisation) about doing something together.

[confuddledDOTcom]

Oh Nanny I think you should talk to your GP, it sounds like you're suffering from BT and you should get someone to talk to you about that. You also need to talk to an SoM at the hospital about it. You can't allow it to have this long term affect on your relationship and potentially your health.

[SwedishHouseMat]

I'm so sorry FutureNannyOgg.

There seem to be a theme running through some of these posts. The HCPs appear to:-

Make sure the woman is on her own and defenceless by asking DH to leave or wait until the doula has left the room. (no witnesses).

Ask if it's ok to "have a quick check/look" - which results in an internal examination without consent or permission. (duplicitous).

Carry on the examination, even if the woman is screaming and asking for the HCP to stop.

Shocking.

[FutureNannyOgg]

I had an exam that still bothers me.

My preferences clearly stated "please do not offer me an internal examination" The reason for this is that I have a history of sexual abuse, and I found the exams during my first labour very triggering. I knew that I would struggle to decline if asked, and when the MW arrived for my home birth it was clearly explained that I did not want any exams, and I didn't wish to discuss them unless it was a dire emergency.

Anyhow, I had been labouring in the pool, got in there before the MW arrived to avoid being asked to have a pre-pool check. Things were slowing down a bit, so I decided to get out and have a walk around. My doula went upstairs to settle my older child, and the MW said she really wanted to do a check to see how things were going, and of course, I ended up agreeing to a quick check.

She told me to let her know if I started contracting (and I assumed this would mean she would stop). She told me she was just about done when I felt a contraction coming, I told her, but instead of stopping, she told me she wanted to see what my cervix was doing during a contraction (no idea why, and no one has been able to explain this) It was excruciating, but by the time I realised she was not stopping, I was out of my body and screaming hysterically - unable to tell her to stop.

It was just one exam, but now I am overdue a smear, and I haven't had a coil fitted, because I can't bear to let a HCP near me. Actually I can't bear to let anyone near me, my relationship with my husband has suffered to the point we are considering separation, because of a whole host of problems, mostly rooted in the lack of intimacy

[confuddledDOTcom]

I thought this was appropriate for this thread

Kirjava, please don't feel your experience isn't as important as the others, we really need to make HCPs realise that all our experiences are as valid as each other and unless we realise that for ourselves we can't make them. She shouldn't have given you a sweep without permission (maybe we should start saying permission instead of consent), sweeps are not the risk free alternative to induction, more and more we're finding issues with them.

[KirjavaTheCat]

I have a sort of experience of this, but I feel a bit silly posting about it given the circumstances of some other women on the thread.

I was being examined at the hospital the day before my waters fully broke, because my waters were leaking, there was literally no doubt about it, it was very obvious as I walked and it was definitely not urine. The midwife didn't believe me, did an internal and asked me to cough, which I did. Apparently there was no evidence of any amniotic fluid that she could find.

Whilst still on the table, I suddenly felt a strange pain, and she removed her hand and informed me that she'd swept my membranes, which I didn't want until I'd gone overdue (which is what I thought was standard procedure anyway, at this point I was one day before my due date). She told me to get dressed and left the room.

5am the next morning, my waters broke fully, with presence of meconium. Rushed to hospital, had to be induced, horrible experience which nearly ended in c-section because I wasn't progressing very well, thankfully didn't come down to that and had a healthy little boy who didn't suffer any ill effects from the meconium, thank god.

I feel really annoyed that I wasn't asked before she did the sweep. And very annoyed since reading that sweeping the membranes can increase the chances of meconium in the water, the whole labour was terrifying, I was warned that my baby could be very poorly the whole way through. I wish she'd just believed me that my waters were leaking, I was made to feel like a silly little girl. It's not an experience I look fondly back at.

[confuddledDOTcom]

Managing cases I should think, having your records ready, knowing what they had in. Tough luck really, they can deal with what they get in

[mumofthemonsters808]

Both positive experiences for me so no story as such. The only question I have, is that when I could put up with my contractions no longer we went to the hospital MW said I should have rang first instead of just turning up. I was 8cm when we arrived so can not see the point of a phone call, can anyone clarify ?.My only thought is that the hospital might have been full.

[confuddledDOTcom]

Thank you for sharing your story, Shaky, I have read it I hope your colleague knows what he has done to you, not physically but the mental scars that take longer to heal.

Please can you post on this thread because we need more midwives to stand up for women.

[Shaky]

I have posted my story on there.

Thank you for setting up the site.

I am a midwife myself, consent, gentleness, respect and dignity are my highest priority.

I had an emergency c/s and the doctor was so rough during a VE that he caused a vaginal wall tear with his fingers, that needed suturing. This happened in the maternity unit where I work, by a colleague. I suffered crippling pnd and PTSD and I am still on medication 3 years later.

I felt it was my duty to complain to make sure this doesn't happen to other women. It was very difficult to make an official complaint to the Trust that I work for.

[confuddledDOTcom]

I'm just checking the settings now miaow. Thank you for your contribution.

[thebody]

in. not for me now as youngest 12 but I want things changed for my dds.

[confuddledDOTcom]

We've had pushing 2000 hits now, but only one story and 14 likes. We need to make the site busy if we're going to go anywhere, so please keep sharing, liking and posting!

Catsize, we need people to help us word birth plans in a way that they'll make more impact, to help support people making a complaint, to help with the campaign for an obstetric violence law, all things that legal and midwifery/ obstetric people can help with. Also makes more of an impact I think if we have those kind of people behind us.

[Catsize]

confuddled, thank you. Hope so!
rebel, I get that all the time, and also say it to myself. But no, it doesn't detract from the bad stuff much, and it does add to the feeling of self-absorbed wallowing when you hear it from others.

[confuddledDOTcom]

1579
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Wow!

[confuddledDOTcom]

Catsize, I'm sure you'll be really helpful.

Rebel, it's the worst thing you can say because you add guilt onto the mother who is suffering.

Forgetful, I'm glad to hear you're getting somewhere!

Snuppeline, I hope it helps. There's a better explanation of it over at Maternity Rights!

[Rebelrebel]

I feel strongly that when people keep saying that "all that matters is a healthy mother and baby" they should be directed back to threads like this. It does matter how you give birth, it does matter that your needs are responded to, it does matter that your choices are respected. Sometimes women accept what is happening, even if it feels wrong, because they've been persuaded that the health care professionals always know best and always have their best interests at heart. The experiences recounted here show that this isn't always the case, sadly. And being treated like this can affect women in so many, lasting ways. It just isn't good enough.

[Catsize]

Happy to join a campaign. Gave birth in Dec 2011 and still haunted by some stuff. You asked for 'legal bods', and I am one, but not sure how much help I can be in this regard. We will see!