to feel like I have failed because I want to give up on baby led weaning?

[honeytea]

Ds is 7 months old and he is doing reaply well with his eating. We waited till 6 months before we offered him food and we have been following blw. He has been eating the same food as us and actually managing to chew strips of chicken and trying lots of vegetables, he hardly ever gaggs and he seems to really enjoy food.

The only problem we have is the mess, I am not the greatest cleaner I have been spending 15-20 minutes aftereeach meal cleaning the highchair, floor, walls, baby, me. Ds can crawl and has just started pulling himself up and cruising around the furniture so I can't just leave him sat on the floor with a toy whilst I clean up anymore.

We are staying at my mums and last night we got back from a day out really late. I bought a pouch of baby food and gave it to ds on a spoon, he ate it with no problem andthe clean up took about 20 seconds.

I feel like I am letting ds down if we give up on blw as he is doing so well, but I don't want to waste quality time with him cleaning up avoidable mess. I like the idea of ds having control of what and how much he eats, I really want to help him develop a healthy relationship with food as its something I have struggled with.

[FeegleFion]

I started a thread on this around 2 months ago as my DS just will not take to BLW. Even at almost 8 months, he wants to be fed and hates anything with even the tiniest 'bits' in

The best advice I got from a really insightful MNetter was that I was being led by my baby. I'm happy, he's happy and I'll just keep trying to get him to try more texture and finger foods until he's ready.

[UniqueAndAmazing]

i don't think it's necessary to get messy everywhere either - just hand pieces of food bit by bit onto the plate - then there's not enough floating around to be messy (and baby's don't like the whole plateful of stuff to choose from)

[language]

Topic poster, you are doing very well! I have 3 children, and was only introduced to blw with my 3rd/ I tried it a couple of times, thought it was utter nonsense and happily went back to making puree! I think that a child is too young at 7 months to feed himself, but from 12 months onwards he/she should just eat at the family table, the same food as everyone else. Good luck and don't be impressed by all these modern theories.

[CornflowerB]

Is there any evidence to suggest that BLW has an effect on future eating habits or produces a different outcome to purées and finger food? I mean proper evidence from trials comparing one method with another. I seriously doubt it. BLW sounds like torture to me - as if life wasn't messy enough with a baby. I have two children aged 9 and 5 who were weaned before BLW existed and who sit up at the table and eat what is put in front of them with a knife and fork properly most of the time... As do most of their peers. In my experience issues arise if children are not introduced to a variety of foods, tastes and textures at an early age. I don't think the spoon is the issue. Am happy to be corrected but only by someone with actual peer reviewed evidence to back them up!!! OP, give yourself a break and do what suits you. This is not like cot death advice where there is actual evidence.

[MrsOakenshield]

I doubt it too. My niece was weaned on baby food, with a spoon - aged 4 she will eat just about anything, no problem at all.

The view of the woman who wrote the BLW book seemed to be that if you spoon feed then the baby isn't in charge of how much they eat, and end up having food shoved down their throats by that dreadful spoon, and that results in a child/adult who can't regulate their own appetite and end up overeating. And possibly that happens, you make a portion of food a la Annabel Karmel (or use a jar) and think that the baby has to have it all. But all it means it that if you're spoonfeeding to be aware that the baby doesn't have to have it all. That's all.

I read some horrible comment once about parents who did spoonfeeding scraping round the jar/bowl to get up every last spoonful - um, maybe that's because the baby was enjoying it? There's a definitely a lot of people putting their own interpretation on others' actions to justify their own, a lot of one-up-manship about BLW.

[MrsOakenshield]

not on this thread, I hasten to add, where people seem to be very sensible about it. But there are evangelists out there, and they are a bore.

[UniqueAndAmazing]

CornflowerB - the woman who started it all, Gill Rapley, did a thesis on it, but I don't know what all her outcomes were.

have a look at //www.babyledweaning.com

[Xiaoxiong]

I loved the idea of BLW but DS had other ideas - he would inhale anything if it arrived on a spoon in puree form, but when given food to reach for, he was always so interested in the texture when squishing it in his hands that it never made it to his mouth. So we did both, and over time the proportion that comes on a spoon has reduced as the amount he feeds himself has risen.

Now he is 19 months he will happily eat all sorts, but still chants to himself sometimes "eat it, don't squish it, eat it" because he hears us saying that so much to him!

[thecakeisalie]

I did BLW with both of my DC they both took to it all really well and with ds2 there wasn't a puree in sight (with ds1 he had a few purees as I was still a bit unsure). I personally don't see how its so much more messy than puree. I mean when they get to the point where they want the spoon themselves then its just as messy as blw if not more so. My boys are not 3.5 & 2 and there's still mess to be cleared up from meals on the table and on the floor.

I think one of the main things I preferred about blw over purees is babies get to explore the texture of food and it helps teach them about managing their gag reflex earlier. They end up eating finger food eventually anyway so never saw the point of painstakingly pureeing every fruit and veg in sight when I could just give them a bit of what we were eating. Maybe I'm just lazy!

If you not getting on with blw its no biggie just use purees. Kids = mess so personally I just got on with it.

[WetFakeUggs]

In the nicest possible way, get a grip

So many threads on here from women 'feeling like failures' for this reason and that- not being able to bf, taking pain relief in labour, working, not working...the list goes on

Would men berate themselves like this?

No one is perfect and even those that appear to be doing everything by the perfect parenting book are probably struggling in other, less obvious ways. It's just breastfeeding, natural childbirth, BLW that we seem to use as shorthand for perfect parenting. They're not.

[FeegleFion]

Can I just add to my original post a little up thread?

DS is my DC2. DD is almost 15 and, no, we didn't have BLW back then.

My DD has never been a problem in terms of fussy eating. She has been eating foods such as sushi, seafood, offal (liver) medium rare beef and lamb etc. since she was old enough to try them.

Her palate is actually much more mature than a lot of adults I know including my own...liver, sushi? Yeuch!

So please, just do what's right for you and your baby.

[CornflowerB]

I don't see a thesis on that website. but you can buy the book and donate ( to what I'm not sure)...hmmm... I can see that there could be an issue with babies/ children being forced to finish everything on their plate, but anyone with a bit of sense can tell when a baby has had enough to eat. Generally they keep their mouths shut! Don't get me wrong - I think it's great when babies eat their food themselves, especially nibbling a floret of broccoli - so cute, but really in the interest of time and sanity, a bit of help with a spoon is just fine.

[RubyrooUK]

I have a three year old but clearly failed to read any weaning manuals properly so did a mix. I will probably do the same with my baby when he gets to six months.

My thought process was this: "Oh, he might like nibbling on this finger food. Oh he loves this spoon too and he's pretty good at putting it in his mouth. Well, I suppose it's useful to use a spoon and fun to explore with your fingers."

DS always got the hunger anger so it was useful that he could use a spoon to inhale some porridge. And I could eat my own dinner if he had some of his own finger foods to play with.

I hadn't even considered feeling like I had failed regarding weaning. I have failed now he's three and only wants to eat fish fingers.

[Bookwolf32]

My baby is 8 months and I was going to go the BLW route. What has happened is that if it's sloppy I spoon feed because my DD gets annoyed that it falls off the spoon before she can get it in her mouth. If the food is something she can hold and manipulate herself then I let her have a go. I don't do anything special for her to eat and don't do any mushing. It amazes me how quickly they work out how to chew even without any teeth!

[Loveitall]

I've just started weaning my lb and I was going to go the blw way. But decided eventually to just do a mixture....which is effectively what everyone has been doing for years without the need for labelling. He has been having purees etc on a spoon ... Bt he grabs the spoon straight off me and pops it in his mouth...all is good in the world :)

[traceofinsanity]

I did blw with my dd and hated it! The mess is horrendous and it does take a lot longer to feed in this way versus puréed as far as I can see. My friends mostly thought I was mad when they saw it all in action, but I had convinced myself that des would end up a fussy water if I didn't. 2.5 years on and only one of my friends kids is fussy with food, and actually mine is probably fussier than some. I've just started to wean ds who is almost 6 months and I have been dreading the blw thing so considering doing a mix of both methods. Since reading the above posts, will definitely be introducing purées, tomorrow!
One thing I've learnt over the last few years is that as a mother you can beat yourself up about absolutely everything (and I have), but in the grand scheme of things, most of it doesn't matter a bit. The best way is what suits you and your little one best and creates the least amount of stress all round

[Bearfrills]

I tried BLW with DD and had to stop as she was choking, not gagging (which is relatively noisy) but actual silently-turning-purple-unable-to-breathe choking. She couldn't seem to get the hang of chewing and would just swallow her food whole. After the third or fourth incident of the high chair being knocked flying by yanking her out of it and holding her upside down, slamming a hand on her back, we decided to switch to puréed food. Much better. No more choking. We gradually reintroduced finger foods alongside spoon feeding so for example if she was having baked beans from a spoon I'd give her some little fingers of toast to hold or if I was feeding her yoghurt I'd give her some banana to feed herself. She's almost 2yo now and feeds herself just fine, no more mess than any other 2yo and 95% of the food goes directly into her mouth (the other 5% is usually nicked by 3yo DS).

You've got to do what's right for you and your child, BLW is one way of doing things but - like lots of parenting choices - it doesn't work for everyone.

[eyebrowsfurrowed]

no you do whatever you think is best

[Maverick66]

Hi mums can I just offer you this simple piece of advice. My children are aged 23,21 and 14. The term "baby led weaning" had not been invented then ( to my knowledge) nor had the Internet and all the super nanny programmes etc My advice would be ILW ( instinct led weaning) ie do what suits you and baby, stop stressing, stop with researching every little aspect of parenthood trust your instincts and remember parenthood is a marathon and not a sprint!

[exoticfruits]

Weaning is a very short period - the aim being to get them to eat family meals. How you get there matters not one jot, so do what suits you. It also has no bearing whatsoever on how they eat later on.
We all eat things like soup and yoghurt that needs a spoon, I can't see why the baby misses out. I think that the idea stems from thinking that you can get a spoonful of something down if the baby doesn't want it- a sheer impossibility.
People have always done a mixture.
I suppose the good point is that you do away with commercial jars.
If you are letting the baby lead then you do what suits the baby, some like purée. It is, sensibly, mother led weaning and the mother decides what, and when, the baby will eat.

[exoticfruits]

Well said, Maverick- same here!

[eyebrowsfurrowed]

on the flip side my baby is ten months old. i started baby led weaning giving her parsnip. that fine buit try and add carbohydrate and meat in the mix and it took hours to get through a meal - where the play time and walks? for me, it was feed her all the important stuff and let her have toast and fruit to learn. We are still in the process but if you are getting worried it's not even worth considering just make it easy for you both x

[maddening]

Not feeding your dc at all would be failing - do whatever works :)

If you are enjoying it other than the mess I would suggest a bumbo with a tray and a wipeable floor matt - we did this for a few months and found it worked well with blw - ds was lower sp smaller radius of food debris and the bumbo fitted in the sink and was washable as was the floor matt - ds wore one of those plastic back to front shirt bibs so it was a case of wipe face and hands, whip off the bib , remove ds and take bumbo and matt to the sink.

[Lazyjaney]

Do what works, most theories don't survive contact with babies.