To be a bit miffed by what my best friend got DS for his Christening?

[PaperandNuts]

She gave him 2 x £1 toys from Poundland.

Now I know it's not about the money, it's the thought that counts - but that's the problem, there doesnt appear to have been any thought!
The toys are cheap tack and one is definitely more a girls toy.
It just seems she has gone for the cheapest, easy option, not thought about what DS might actual want/need/like, they weren't even wrapped and there was no card.
And just for the record, she could afford to spend more on him if she wanted - she is in a very good full time permanent job, pays very little rent on her own pad, owns a house which she rents out, and has no other responsibilities (no partner, children, pets, car, etc.).
She could have also put more time / thought into his gifts - I would rather her have made him something which would have been more personal or quite frankly not even bothered as what she did give just seems a bit pointless / pathetic (sorry, I know I sound ungrateful but I just know she could - and maybe should - have tried a bit harder as she knows it means a lot to me).

Please don't get me wrong, I'm not materialistic or a snob (there is nothing wrong with Poundland - I shop there myself occassionally and that's how I know the gifts were from there!!). I'm by no means loaded either, I do like a bargain, am sensible when it comes to money, come from a working class background etc etc. but this has just upset me a little.

She has been my best friend for years and I have helped her out in many ways in the past including financially (I have lent her money when she really needed it), practically (ie. when she moved house), emotionally (when her relationship broke down), etc etc. - all of which I of course don't mind doing, that's what friends are for.

I just feel a bit miffed about this, plus she didnt even come to the Christening in the end saying she had family stuff to do instead (even though the date had been in her diary for weeks).

AIBU?

[primroseyellow]

If she is not religious then a christening would mean little to her. Maybe she attended and brought a token gift out of politeness.

[IgnatiusSprat]

Plenty of bloody stupid remarks on this thread but the issue with the op saying the toy was more for girls has to be the most pathetic. She's not telling us all that toys SHOULD be gendered, just acknowledging in passing that they are. When DS was new a friend of ours bought him a bright pink vest covered in flowers and butterflies. It was a vest for a girl, end of. Toys and clothes are often gendered. Fact. Sneering at the op to please tell us all exactly how she knows the crappy toy was a girls toy when it was more than likely bright bloody pink makes you look really bloody silly.

And op YANBU, that all sounds shit and very thoughtless.

[CalamityKate]

YANBU.
Ignore the few who say YABU.
On MN there are always those who get a kick out of awkward.

[Nanny0gg]

MrsKeithRichards This is not the first time I have wholeheartedly agreed with one of your posts.

OP - YANBU. I think your friend's behaviour was odd.

And I would always buy a Christening gift if I go to a Christening. I have been to many and I am only Godparent to one child.

[yummymumtobe]

Yanbu. It seems quite thoughtless unless she maybe thought you might not realise how cheap they were (eg I sometimes buy books from Book People which cost £5 but have a rrp of £20)? So weird that people think you wouldn't invite anyone to a christening! Do the same people think that you shouldn't invite people to a wedding if you get married in a church? I know that some people have family only but of we'd done that we'd have had about 4 people there! We have friends who are very close to us who we want to share the occasion with. Not everyone has a big family!

Do the same people who have issues with gendered toys also have an issue with gendered clothes, ie you never wear skirts or dresses or anything? This is very intriguing!

[MrsKeithRichards]

MrsKeithRichards? talking sense since 2012

[sukysue]

I wonder if she is jealous of you and your dc or or she's just a miser!Usually ppllike this are never mean with themselves my mil comes to mind buying herself 4 ttowels for £40 yep £40! Crazy or what!;p;

[grobagsforever]

Expecting gifts for a christening is grabby. But then so is inflicting your religious dogma on an innocent newborn. YABU.

[Smartiepants79]

But inflicting your atheist dogma on a newborn innocent is just fine!?

[SoupDragon]

You can be christened later but you can't be unchristened.

Although didn't some man campaign to get himself removed from the baptismal records or something?

[pommedechocolat]

Is atheism dogma though? It is, in effect, believing in nothing.

Also religious dogma would hold the newborn as tainted with sin, not as an innocent child.

[TheYoniWayisGerard]

Mine didn't get DD anything for her christening. Or even a card. Annoyed me a bit at the time, so YANBU.

[AnnabelleLee]

"But inflicting your atheist dogma on a newborn innocent is just fine!?"

1)dogma is the wrong word in this sentence.
2) yes, it is just fine
3) its much the same as you telling your children that the flying spaghetti monster is not the Pastafarian Lord of the Universe.

[Davsmum]

I think YABU
You are deciding what she could and could not do based on her job and her rent situation etc.
Yes, it would be nice if she put some thought into buying something but I don't think you should have expectations on what your friend does and doesn't do re a present.
Your friend obviously falls below the mark of what you expect so perhaps you should not have her as a friend and choose friends who meet your expectations in future.

[piratecat]

cheap last minute gifts not even wrapped?
yanbu

she forgot till last minute.

[Blondeshavemorefun]

so your bf doesnt turn up at your ds christening, doesnt let you know and then gives a cheap wrong sex toy

yanbu, i would be miffed tbh

but, you also say that you two are very open, hence you know her financial state of affairs etc, so maybe you need to say to her that you were upset she didnt turn up/let you know and choice of present

though course you wont hence why you posted on here to vent

[fedupofnamechanging]

I am surprised that so many of you wouldn't buy presents if you were invited to a christening. It's like going to someone's house for dinner and not bringing a bottle of wine or some flowers/chocs for the host.

I would unwittingly offend lots of you, I think. I am a god mother, despite being an atheist and I bought my lovely god daughter a dolls pram that she could play with when she grew up a bit, rather than something serious and meaningful.

Christenings are important to parents and a true friend would make an effort to attend and buy a gift that shows she has thought about the child in some way. It is hurtful if someone you are close to, can't be bothered.

[ElizabethHornswoggle]

YABU. So what if she 'can' (according to you) afford to buy him more? She might behaving a tight few months money wise for all you know.
She didn't have to get him anything at all. You're being ungrateful.

[squoosh]

YANBU.

She was clearly being a cow.

[maja00]

Maybe it's because I grew up Catholic, but baptisms weren't gift-getting events when I was a child.

I'm not religious now and don't have any religious friends, so haven't been to any christenings.

We had a naming ceremony for DS and certainly didn't expect gifts! Just wanted to get our friends and family together to celebrate. Some brought presents, some didn't.

[KnottedAnchorChief]

Oh god christenings are a bleedin minefield. We fell out with OH's best friends of 20+ yrs because we declined invitation to theirs. We aren't religious and neither were they until they had to make a big hoo haa to get pfb into catholic school. I didnt want a 3 and a half hr trip each way and an overnight stay we couldn't afford at the time with baby and toddler who both hate car journeys. For that we were deemed no longer fit to be their friends.
If you value your friendship then let it go.

[RonaldMcDonald]

I was unaware that one was obligated to give christening gifts unless you held the role of a god parent.

Therefore it was £2 more than you would have received from me

YABU

[Davsmum]

People are different. If you have a friend for many years then surely you know this side of their personality?
Or is it a new trait?
Whichever - if it bothers you and its a friend, you should be able to talk about it with her?
Its only hurtful if you dwell on it and let it bother you.

I went to my twin nieces christening but did not buy them anything. The godparents bought small commemorative gifts but no one else did!
We had bought gifts when the babies were born - You cannot keep buying gifts for every occasion, especially if you know lots of babies!

[RonaldMcDonald]

As a God Parent I'd only buy a silver spoon/little silver dish or rattle
Only because this is what my parents did and I still have mine.

[maja00]

Did the invitation make it clear that gifts were expected? Maybe another guest told her at the last minute so she just nipped into Poundland and grabbed the first thing she saw?