To be sick of a friend's charity fundraising

[mittensthekitten]

I've got a friend who is a keen runner, and she's just spent the past several months in training for a very massive gruelling long-distance run. I won't say the run because it may out me (name changed too). She ran in aid of charity, to raise money for a particular disease - not a disease she personally has btw, but which I guess she feels strongly about. We all supported her training, 'liked' her daily posts about her training runs, helped look after her three kids (who really missed her) while she trained and then went away for several days to a training camp and another several days to the race, and of course donated money to the cause and she ended up raising about 2K for her chosen charity. The endless Facebook begging for money for the charity did start to do my head in but I thought - well, she's doing a massive physical challenge and it's a good cause.

She completed the run (Facebooking all the while!) and we all said the right things, and tbh I was really impressed with her endurance and thought she was amazing.

After she finished her run, she was obvs really happy/excited but then felt really blue afterwards, understandably, cos it was all over. Now, just a few weeks after the run, she's signed up for NEXT year's run and has started banging on on Facebook again, asking for donations and with a bigger target! Same charity.

AIBU to think this is really cheeky and self indulgent? She wants to do this thing, she is sad cos her big moment is over and so she's already banging the drum about an event that is a year away and is begging for money from all the friends/family who already supported her just a few weeks ago!

[WilsonFrickett]

And there it is. I knew you were judging her for leaving her kids so she could train.

[Vanessa1234]

Shedwood, no and that's why I'll be raising the amount by other means (raffle, events, jumble sale) rather than Facebook begging. Some people may be slightly lazier than I.

I generally donate a fiver if I can afford to, but not if I think it's all a bit of a jolly. 5k or 10k shouldn't be an impressive feat for the vast majority of people. Likewise I wouldn't donate for a skydive or a trek up Mount Snowdon or something fun. I'd donate if a friend did a marathon or half-marathon because I appreciate the amount of training that goes into it.

[mittensthekitten]

WilsonFrickett Yeah I am a bit. So? It's another thing that has to take a back seat while she 'does good'.

[SuperiorCat]

I would judge anyone who inconvenienced others by fobbing their DCs off them on a regular basis so they could pursue their hobby.

Same would apply if DH expected me to take full responsibility for the DCs while he swanned off to play golf several times a week.

[Strokethefurrywall]

I think people asking for sponsorship money to walk the Great Wall of China and shit like that can jog on. I'm not paying for them to go off on a holiday of a lifetime.
However, one of my colleagues has just climbed Everest to raise funds for our local chemo unit. He's raised over $85,000 which is an incredible feat and we all sponsored him because what he has done to raise awareness and funds is incredible.
I generally will always donate for firsts - I'm no long distance runner, I trained for 7 months to do my marathon and it was fucking brutal. But I wouldn't sponsor someone who runs marathons 3 times a year because it's not a challenge for them. That's the whole point right?

[McGeeDiNozzo]

I do wish that sometimes people would do these massive endurance events just to test themselves, and for no other reason than that. It shouldn't take climbing K2 backwards for people to give to charity. It's getting on my nerves too - lots of friends thinking they're all enlightened and pushing themselves to do all this. By all means go off on your bloody trip, but don't tack charity on just because you want to legitimise it. It's legitimate already.

[sue52]

Couldn't agree more McGeeDINozzo.

[stainesmassif]

I recently did a little bit of fund raising for a small local charity and very quickly came across this type of compassion fatigue. Tbh, it makes me very very sad.
Charities are generally accepted to be good causes. Fund raisers are only asking. If you can't afford to contribute, they aren't bearing you any ill will, please don't make it any harder for them than it is by fostering this attitude.
It is ok to say no! Moaning about it just makes you look passive aggressive.

[Kikithecat]

I would feel a lot more like giving if the sponsoree was doing something useful for the money (cleaning, clearing, helping others in some way) instead of doing their hobby.

[CuChullain]

@McGeeDiNozzo

Echoing my post further up the thread I am pretty sure most people want to do endurance events purely as a personal challenge, unfortunately, for something like the London marathon event organisers have made charadee/fund raising a prime focus. It is now very hard to participate outside the framework of fund raising as most places are awarded to charities. THey can get away with this as London is one of the world 'majors' marathons and carries a lot of prestige and kudos, people are desperate to get a place at London. There are actually marathons organised by local running clubs up and down the country most weekends but most people dont really fancy the idea of crossing the line in some rural town centre with only a random man and his dog as the sole support. I live in London and would love to take part in the marathon and I resent the fact that the only way I can participate in an event in 'my back yard' is through a charity.

[CuChullain]

@stainesmassif

Are you really surprised about the levels of 'compassion fatigue'? I think people are more immune to it now as there seems to be a constant assault by charity campaigns on the TV, at work, through the letterbox, down the high street and at school. You just learn to 'phase it out'. People are not shocked into action anymore by seeing images of starving african kids, neglected animals or photos of some poor sod with a degenerative illness. The tactics of those 'cheeky chappy' chuggers down down the high street just annoy me, why do I want to give money to people who annoy me? Likewise the people at work who try to press gang you into sponsoring their half arsed climb up Ben Nevis or whatever, its just sensory overload.

[RoseFlowerFairy]

I used to give to these things, I don't anymore.

I hate being asked to sponsor people for charity. I prefer to give to a charity of my choice as and when it suits me and my budget at that time. I have given my time as a volunteer to various charity's in the past and will again in the future.

The school asked the children to go on a trip by raising money for charity, I wouldn't allow it, it feels like you are putting people under pressure to pay for a trip for your child. I find the whole thing wrong. Then a note came through the door and a neighbours child is doing this trip, I am not going to their rundraiser, I won't be going.

I ignore these request for sponsorship, I wish people well in their challenge and do my own thing.

[stainesmassif]

How do you expect charities to raise funds without upsetting your delicate sensibilities?
There are a lot of causes and not enough money to go around. They are competing for your £ and anyone who gets off their arse to raise funds is doing a good thing, even if you'd rather they did a sponsored knit, cleaned your town centre, didn't eat for a week. I don't care how they do it. I can't donate to everyone who asks, but I'm grateful that there are people who raise funds and I say 'sorry, I can't donate this time, but I wish you all the luck with your cause'. FFS they don't have a gun at your head.

[Wbdn28]

Agree with Apocolypse.

No-one is saying there's anything wrong with raising money for charity. But pestering friends and family to give you this money isn't the best way to go about it IMO. Organise fundraising events, request business sponsorships, and so on.

[RoseFlowerFairy]

I think when the austerity measures really start to bite, there will be more and more resentment towards those asking for our donations for someone else to have experiences under the cloak of fund raising.

[Empress77]

O dear its so sad that there is so much compassion fatigue - i had no idea people felt so against raising money for charities - charities are just desperate for money because a small amount of money can literally save someones life. How can people have become immune to
"seeing images of starving african kids, neglected animals or photos of some poor sod with a degenerative illness"?
Thats terrible. Charities are just trying to compete with the huge huge advertising budgets of profit making big business - and trying to persuade us to spend our money on others who desperately need it and where the money can go so much further -than on some unnecessary thing that advertising tells us we need - a new iphone/ipad etc etc.
Why are people not annoyed at the in your face advertising big business' do - some of the nonsense you hear in TV adverts is ridiculous.
And when someone sees the amount of money that could save a life is far less than that of an iphone it is really gutting to think that people actually resent being asked - only asked not forced - to donate. Charities dont expect people to get into debt over donating - if you cant afford it you dont have to give - they are not like big business that actively encourages debt creating credit schemes.
So sad to see charities being so opposed. If everyone gave a little bit charities wouldnt have to rely on challenges etc.

[Crumbledwalnuts]

It's awful asking for money.

[Crumbledwalnuts]

Empress: I think you have an unrealistic view. Advertising sells things which makes jobs: advertising itself makes jobs. Charity advertising is a big employment market too. Graphic design, arty jobs, techy jobs.

Perhaps no one should buy anything, then we can give all our money to charity but hang on, there'll be more people needing charity, because no one will be buying their stuff, so we'll have to give more money, but hang on, we might lose our arty jobs so we might not have any money to give, so we'll have to start asking for money ourselves.

It's better to select a few charities that spend money well and that's about it really.

[Empress77]

ok just looked at the cost of an iphone 5 - roughly £500/600 according to google is that right?

So for the cost of that my charity could send 3 orphaned children to secondary school in Malawi (including extra tuition and pastoral care). When we couldn't afford to send one because we didnt have enough funds this 11 year old unmarried orphaned girl got pregnant - in a society with 20% HIV levels.
Surely people can see why charities are desperate to try Anything to get people to donate to their cause?

[Crumbledwalnuts]

If you really want to help your local community, you could get your nails done in the newly opened nail bar, or shop in the local greengrocer, or high street bookshop, and spend your money at the deli. That will help just as much. You think struggling businesses would rather you spent money in a charity shop?

[Crumbledwalnuts]

Transparency International on Malawi

[Empress77]

ah but crumbled walnuts its about competing with these things - if a charity can persuade someone to donate to them instead of buying a new thing -lives can be saved. We are still going to buy things for ourselves and keep the economy going but the charity just wants us to choose them and donate if we can. This isnt going to destroy the economy its just distributed differently - say we donate £20 to a food bank instead of going to dominos on one occasion -that £20 is taken from dominos huge profits, but is still helping the economy as £20 worth of food has been purchased from a shop instead.

But Im going off topic now I know, I just feel bad for people keenly fundraising against such opposition to it, i hadnt realised there was such opposition.

[Crumbledwalnuts]

Update on Britain's relationship with Malawi

How big is your charity Empress? If it's a small charity, the oversight is good and the admin very clean, then what a good investment. But I think charity should be an investment (it sounds like yours is - marvellous tremendous education of girls). I'm sure you do very good work.

[Crumbledwalnuts]

I don't give to food banks. That 20 would just go to sainsbury's huge profits. I'd rather patronise the local tea shop and spend 20 there.

[NicknameTaken]

I don't think this needs to turn into "good cause"-bashing.

Empress, I really admire your compassion. I think people should support a cause close to their heart.

Part of my objection to this kind of fundraising is that people are asking me to effectively re-direct money from the things I feel passionately about to the things they feel (or worse, don't feel!) passionately about. I trust my judgement in giving. I really don't have a problem with people drawing attention to a cause that struggles to get publicity, eg. through Facebook. My ire is reserved for those people who are trying to redirect my giving so that a chunk of it goes on their bloody parachute jump.