To be sick of a friend's charity fundraising

[mittensthekitten]

I've got a friend who is a keen runner, and she's just spent the past several months in training for a very massive gruelling long-distance run. I won't say the run because it may out me (name changed too). She ran in aid of charity, to raise money for a particular disease - not a disease she personally has btw, but which I guess she feels strongly about. We all supported her training, 'liked' her daily posts about her training runs, helped look after her three kids (who really missed her) while she trained and then went away for several days to a training camp and another several days to the race, and of course donated money to the cause and she ended up raising about 2K for her chosen charity. The endless Facebook begging for money for the charity did start to do my head in but I thought - well, she's doing a massive physical challenge and it's a good cause.

She completed the run (Facebooking all the while!) and we all said the right things, and tbh I was really impressed with her endurance and thought she was amazing.

After she finished her run, she was obvs really happy/excited but then felt really blue afterwards, understandably, cos it was all over. Now, just a few weeks after the run, she's signed up for NEXT year's run and has started banging on on Facebook again, asking for donations and with a bigger target! Same charity.

AIBU to think this is really cheeky and self indulgent? She wants to do this thing, she is sad cos her big moment is over and so she's already banging the drum about an event that is a year away and is begging for money from all the friends/family who already supported her just a few weeks ago!

[FoundAChopinLizt]

Do a 'Facebook fast' for a year and ask her to sponsor you?

[FelineFurry]

I don't think you are being unreasonable although as other posters have said she's not asking for money directly. However presumably she's also going to want all the extra support re childcard so it is unreasonable to expect this.

I have a friend who seems to have 'raising money for charity' as her hobby. Lots of different charities though. I have donated on quite an number of occasions when she done some activity of note (abseiling, sky diving etc etc) however what has rankled a bit is that she has not once donated anything when my DP (who she knows) has done his once yearly charity run (for a charity close to him and which has a particular meaning).

As chattie the constant requests for money at work is expensive in itself.

[Helltotheno]

Agree with you 100% OP, it's annoying and not really on. It sounds to me like she's trying to escape from the mundane everyday of childcare (people do this in different ways and ime this type of thing is one of them... men do it too).

It's one thing having a hobby and being fit and raising money for charity in the process but totally another making it your life's work and constantly hitting up the same people for childcare and money. I agree with the others, hide her posts and tell her to organise a fundraising event.

[limitedperiodonly]

It's very wearing. Is she buying her place with your sponsorship btw?

DH ran the London Marathon about 10 years ago. He entered the lottery and won a place.

I went to meet him at the finish line and got chatting with a man who was meeting his son. He asked which charity DH was running for and when I said no one he went bonkers at me saying DH had 'stolen' a place that could have gone to someone like his son who was raising money for a good cause.

It was very unhinged and self-righteous.

[LessMissAbs]

once a year is not too bad...just ignore the begging posts or dont donate or donate £5 or something.

The trouble is the charities make a big business out of this, advertise loads and get allocated so many places by the organisers that for slower runners, its the only way they feel comfortable entering.

Worse was when we had to sponsor MIL's holiday charity fund raising trip to walk the Great Wall of China!

[Pigsmummy]

I got cross with a friend recently as she was posting daily about her "target" and then started naming people that hadn't sponsored her. I pointed out that sponsorship is optional and that no one but her has bought into this "target figure" so if it's short maybe she should top it up rather than bullying people.

I didn't sponsor her as I am at the end of maternity leave and on SMP which isn't even covering my bills.

[AmericasTorturedBrow]

Eeek this thread has worried me as I did a huge charity bike ride this year which was a big physical challenge for me, I've signed up to do it next year and posted the new fundraising page today.

However, I'm very aware that people were incredibly generous and definitely don't expect the same response this year (although the odd fiver just to show support never goes amiss - though I tend to sponsor everyone I know doing stuff and if there's a sudden glut, they all get a bit less, but it's showing my support).

Because I don't want people to think I'm going To keep hitting them for money, I'll be keeping FB updates very minimal but will be focusing on fundraising events and trying to secure corporate sponsorship for the team in order to meet our target.

Thanks for the reminder though, it's hard to strike the balance of letting people know, reminding others to sponsor you (I did have friends quite frequently sponsor after a status update, saying they just kept forgetting) and not being an annoying twat!!

The childcare issue is separate though and while YANBU you can also say no quite easily to this one

[flipchart]

and starting to pronounce charity as charidee ...)
Why whereIleftit?

[TheMoonOnAStick]

Doing things for charity is obviously great and of course you have to ask in order to get the donations.

Dh is doing a charity event soon thought tbh he would have done it anyway because it's a sport he enjoys. It was me and a couple of people he works with who suggested it could be for charity and after much prodding he thought he might as well.

He chose a charity after much thought and has a donation page. He's made everyone he knows aware of what he's doing in one Email.

The charity though advise practically bombarding people that don't respond and to keep on at them. Dh wouldn't dream of doing that. Far from having the desired result, hassling people and going on incessantly will have the opposite effect. Plus he's just not the type to want to get on anyone's wick about it or to update about training.

When it gets to those proportions - and we also know people where it does get to those proportions - it all seems more self promoting and cringingly Look At Meeee (but then that's Facebook all over I guess).

[differentnameforthis]

Erm...hide her posts?

Again, it comes down to being able to post to facebook what you like. If people don't like what you post, it is up to them (in this case, you) to hide/defriend her. Not up to her to censor her page because you don't like something.

[SocialClimber]

I think it's unfair to insinuate that she's "running away" from something.

However, running in races is a selfish thing. It just is. We all try our hardest in fundraising for big races, and we do like to raise money, but what we want more is race day and the achievement.

I did the GNR last year and fundraised. I would not ask my friends and family to sponsor me again for a long time. I am doing a marathon this year and may choose a charity, because it's a "first" for me, so I think people won't mind. That will be it though, I couldn't constantly do it, people rightly get fed up of it.

So I race races all year round but I do it for myself, not for charity.

[ithaka]

OP, I understand where you are coming from. When you have school age children, you are constantly hit for charity money through the school and now every man and his dog seems to have some great challenge they want to complete & by the way this means you have give money to the charity they have chosen.

I have no objection to people choosing to go skydiving in Tasmania with a goat strapped to their back in aid of confused spaniels, but leave me out of it - I'll give my money how I choose, thanks.

[Empress77]

I think your being harsh, its for charity after all. But then I just posted on fb yesterday asking if anyone was keen to sponser a child through school in Malawi for my charity and thought that was fine - maybe it isnt- But fb is ideal at spreading the word to so many people - and if one person sees the message and thinks they could do it it literally means a child can go to school. I hadn't even thought it might piss people off - compared to the nonsense rubbish that usually gets up as a status update surely spreading the word about a charity is not that bad?

[aldiwhore]

I don't think it matters if you raise money for charity doing something you love, or if you're doing it for yourself as well.

However, I do think there's a lot of bombardment going on at present from all over, and it doesn't get irritating and I think in some ways can be counter productive in that I 'hide' these constant requests so probably give less.

I do have my own loved charities that I donate both money and time to, I guess other people have to, and there's certainly too many people in the world who rely on charities and it's very sad I think.

I sort of think the end justifies the means (within reason) and it can be very difficult to tell someone they're becoming a bore, asking too much, and generally annoying you without sounding heartless.

I think 'hiding' is the way forward, though you do run the risk of being quizzed about it! Thens the time for gentle honesty.

[Abra1d]

It does get wearying, doesn't it! I was astounded when, over two years ago, my husband was first made redundant and I had talked to several friends about how we were being very frugal, how many of them emailed me within weeks asking for donations to runs and cycles. It was actually embarrassing. We were trying to work out how long the redundancy money was going to last, cutting back on everything non-essential, but people just didn't stop to think that it was putting us into an awkward spot. They think it's just five or ten pounds a pop, but if you have twenty or thirty people asking for charity sponsorship a year, it adds up.

[QuintessentialOldDear]

I see where you are coming from.
I think it is even worse if you are a professional fundraiser, and use your friends as a pool of money for whatever charity you are currently working for. I am sick to the pit of my stomach of seeing my friend drag her dc to one baby race after the other, toddling, pushing the push chair, baking, for charity, jumping out of parachutes and bungee jumping, that she expects friends and family to come to, and sponsor. It is her job fgs. She gets paid to support the charity, and increase awareness. Next year there will for sure be another one, and her dc will be used in the same manner again.

Sorry for highjack. Rant over.

[limitedperiodonly]

I did a sponsored swim and my mum ordered me to do only two lengths because lots of people had sponsored me per length rather than a set amount for the whole swim.

I got a bit carried away and the next thing I remember is my furious mum dragging me out of the pool shouting about how she'd have no friends left

[NicknameTaken]

I don't mind people doing this, but I don't sponsor them, ever. I rarely get asked these days.....I will sometimes send money directly to an organisation of my choice (Women's Aid at the moment), but I don't feel the need for someone else to pick my causes for me.

Not being a total hypocrite, I don't ask people to sponsor me, either. I did the Race for Life but just donated what I could afford and didn't ask anyone.

It's great that people are out doing races etc, but mostly (not always) it's not for the charity, it's for the challenge of doing the event. I don't have a problem with it, but it's not where I put my money.

[HildaOgden]

I'd just say 'best of luck with it all,I won't be able to help you out this time with time or money as I'll be concentrating on my own charity this year'

Leave it at that.Or else choose a charity yourself and bombard her with donation requests

[nenevomito]

So tell me OP. What have YOU done to raise money for charity over the years? Tell me about when you helped out a good cause by raising 2k for them and I'll listen to you.

Charities rely on people like your friend to turn what they enjoy into a way of raising money.

If you really don't like it, hide her, but to be honest your complaint makes you look a bit, well, small.

[HildaOgden]

The Op actually helped raise that 2k babyheaveby donating to the amount and by providing free childcare to the person who ran the race.

The runner didn't raise that 2k by herself,she did it be enlisting a team of friends/family/associates who gave her the money and freed up her time by taking care of her kids free of charge.But the runner is the one who got the glory...and is now tapping into those same friends and family again.

[VerlaineChasedRimbauds]

babyheave

I have learned to have no guilt now when I ignore requests for donations to charities. I don't have enough money. It would be ridiculous for me to get in to debt through a sense of guilt/obligation.

I sometimes donate to charities, but I decide when.

[Xmasbaby11]

I am always very much in awe of my friends who do sponsored runs, bike rides, etc as I know they work so hard for it. I do sponsor them where possible but between friends and colleagues there are at least 3 a month and I can't afford it!

[DameDeepRedBetty]

flipchart I think whereIleftit was referring to Harry Enfield and Paul Whitehouse's Smashey and Nicey characters, who were (hypocritically) always going on about 'doing stuff for charidee'.