To wonder what the point of marriage vows are if people won't stick to them?

[superstarheartbreaker]

In my opinion a promise is a promise. I do get a bit annoyed when I read about the amount that people cheat and think that the term 'til death do us part' should be rephrased as 'lets stay together until I find someone cuter/fitter/more compatible.'
I have never been married but would love to be. I just know that I would have to be 100% sure about the person to make such a big promise. I know that people change all the time so I think that the marriage vows should be rephrased for modern times. It's quite sad though isn't it? I am very glad that most women don't say 'love, honour and obey' though!

[EagleRiderDirk]

happy as someone who is about to get married for the second time, to the father of my dcs - sometimes the kids happen first and you'd rather not go shotgun. We got engaged just before finding I'd fallen with DC1, then sorting out a house seemed more important, then DC2 happened. Its not that marriage isn't important to us, just our timeline got a bit screwed up.

[fedupofnamechanging]

I can't see the point in getting married at all, if it's not with the genuine intention that it will be a forever deal. Okay, things don't always work out, but there is little point to it if, in the back of your mind, you are thinking it's okay to break promises or bail if things get a bit tough or someone else you fancy comes along.

Of course it will only work out if both partners place equal value in the promises made (and obviously if one of them isn't an abusive twat).

Fixed term marriages or ones where vows are not intended to be forever, would not be real marriages - they would just be shagging contracts, with no value, because nobody would really be properly committed. people would always have one eye on the way out and would not feel they could depend on their spouse no matter what.

[scarletforya]

I think marriage is unrealistic and fails to take account of human nature.

From an evolutionary point of view we seek the highest quality mate we can manage to get. That's not going to remain the same for ever.

People do 'trade up'. It's a fact. To my mind marriage is a flawed attempt to make a temporary deal permanent. But human relationships don't really work that way.

How can anyone sign a load of paperwork saying they will be with this one person for the rest of their life. Terrifying.

Be with the person you are with until that no longer works and then move on I say!

[Darkesteyes]

It depends if you want to include ALL vows in that statement OP
For instance some people only want to cherry pick the vows they want to keep and leave the rest.
There are a lot of marriages that are sexless/affectionless so the "mutual comfort" vow isnt being kept yet they then expect their partner to stand by the "forsaking all others" vow.

[greenbananas]

When I asked DH why he wanted to marry me, he said it was because he wanted me to be his next of kin. Sounds pretty permanent to me.

We have had a lot of rocky patches, but I can't see us ever breaking the promises we made. Apart from anything else, we can't afford to leave each other!

His parents are still together and I come from a broken home, so staying together is important to both of us for different reasons.

[Jan49]

I got married in a registry office so we didn't say "til death us do part" but we did say some words that implied that. I meant them and I'm sure my h did too. But eventually he chose to end the marriage. I don't think what we promised would really make any difference. To me it seemed obvious we would stay together forever and the ceremony was just a nice occasion.

Actually if you just say the official registry office words, you're not making any promises about your behaviour, just declaring you are free to marry and do marry this person, so if you think people shouldn't make promises about being faithful, that's a way to do it.

[TartinaTiara]

I got married half expecting it not to work out; I was straight out of school, and we wanted to live together, not get married, but living together wasn't an option in the time and place we were then without marriage. I didn't promise to love him forever; I didn't and still don't believe you can make a promise to love someone forever - nobody can know with any real certainty how they'll feel next Tuesday, let alone years into the future. What I could (and did) do was to promise that I would always be his friend and treat him kindly. You can't control your feelings, but you can control how you behave.

In the event, it didn't work out; we divorced a little while ago, but it lasted for nearly 35 years, and I believe that even after the divorce, he'd say I kept my promise.

One of his promises in the wedding service was to adorn me with gold and silver - the gold was the wedding ring, but he had to give me a silver coin as well. I can't recall ever hearing that as part of the "normal" vows, but apparently it was part of the traditional catholic service. Didn't see much gold or silver afterwards, mind.

[KUGA]

If you break marriage vows you are an arse hole .
If you find out your dh/dw has cheated on you the trust has gone forever and will never come back.
Hope the slag/scum bag is happy with the hurt they have caused you for the rest of your life.
They wake up daily thinking about it and go to bed doing the same.
Well done scumbag.
And watch this space.