It's half my money too!

[grumpyinthemorning]

I'm planning on getting my second tattoo this week - finally in a position where I can afford these kinds of luxuries. I'll be paying for it out of the savings DP and I have put away over the last year. I told him this, he says he won't stop me but...

Apparently I shouldn't be touching those savings because they're the start of a mortgage deposit. This is the first I've heard of it! And he goes on about his bloody five year plan and how he doesn't want to be living in a council house forever. I'm taking £100 out of £600, it's money we don't see, we'll hardly be worse off. Then he had the front to say I shouldn't spend money on frivolities!

Now, here's where I got really arsey. See, he works, I don't, because childcare for DS would cost more than I can currently earn. I am studying for my degree, so I'm doing something! And I'm receiving child benefit and tax credits, which get spent on essentials such as, y'know, food, so it's not like I don't contribute. It's rare that I actually have any money in my account at the end of the week, so I go without luxuries a lot of the time, while he thinks nothing of stopping in at the pub after work.

So AIBU to get my tattoo done anyway, since it's something I'll always have and will enjoy, even though he's complaining about the cost?

[MidniteScribbler]

If your life savings are 600 pounds, you can't afford 100 for a tattoo.

[BasilBabyEater]

Oh and tbh FGS at spending £15 a week on unnecessary cabs. He's got the weekend to sleep in, normal people don't have the luxury of doing that on a work day, or if you do, then you just have to either arrive late at work or miss breakfast or something.

That's real frittering that is.

[MidniteScribbler]

Weird double post.

[Fairylea]

I think people are being very judgemental about the tattoo issue.. it doesn't matter that it's a tattoo, it could be anything. (For the record my dh is covered in tattoos and is currently halfway to saving for a full sleeve (arm) which is £700. He has spent over £2000 so far on tattoos which are all designed for him. They are not cheap but luckily we can afford it).

However, your finances are all wrong. You need to communicate more for a start and you both need to end up with exactly the same spending money, then you can save for your tattoo from this, which is what my dh has done.

I am a sahm, we pool all money and split what's left.

[SoupDragon]

I think people are being very judgemental about the tattoo issue.. it doesn't matter that it's a tattoo, it could be anything.

I think I've separated my dislike of tattoos * from my thoughts about whether this is a good idea. I am pretty sure I'd still think it was a bad idea if the £100 was for jewellery.

I agree that the OPs finances need sorting out though - pool the money, divert £x per month to the savings and allocate £x "pocket money" per person.

• Just my personal feelings, entirely non-judgemental :)

[Mia4]

I think YANBU to be annoyed about his spending, but I think spending 1/6 of your savings is unreasonable tbh-unless it's on something essential.
He needs to stop taking cabs unnecessarily though. I think you need to sit down and write down all your expenses. What's left should go mainly towards saving then play money for both of you.

You both should get 'play money' after savings either to save for a tat or put towards unnecessary cabs or drinking or beauty/grooming stuff whatever.

[MidniteScribbler]

Fairylea, it has nothing to do with the tattoo. My view would be the same if it were a new phone, jewellery, rims for a car, expensive toy for a child, any unnecessary item.

[NotYoMomma]

£600 savings only and you want a tattoo? seems utterly wasteful to me

[NotYoMomma]

also if you spend your half on crap and his is saved for the deposit then will themortgage be in his name or both your names?

it is ridiculous.

later down the line of you need to use thesavings for anything I presume you will say it is still half yours?

all savings spending should be a joint and agreed and mutually beneficial decision, esp when your savings are so low

imo

[ChazsBrilliantAttitude]

The issue isn't what you want to spend the money on, it's how your finances are organised. I spent a month writing down every penny spent and it was a real wake up call. I bet he doesn't realise how much he is wasting each month on cabs etc.
I am another believer in equal pocket money after bills and savings.

[DoJo]

If he is wasting money and that's annoying you, then you wasting some too doesn't really resolve the issue. Would you feel as though you had redressed the balance and be able to move on in a more frugal mindset to achieve your joint goals (as opposed to individual goals).

[PearlyWhites]

Yabu and irresponsible

[PearlyWhites]

(Posted to soon) to spend money that will benefit your dc's future ie a better home on something frivolous that will only benefit you.

[Khaleasy]

YABVVVU.
Had a tattoo yesterday so am in no way biased against tattoos - but they are a luxury and not one to be spent with savings. Savings are for holidays, deposits and emergencies.

[WafflyVersatile]

I think you need to sit down together and work out what comes out of necessities and what is discretionary spending. It's not 'his' money, it's family money. If you work out what are necessities and what aren't, what is family expenditure (ie taking the kids out) then you have £x a month each to spend on whatever you choose and he can work out from that how many taxis and pub visits he can afford and you can use it to save for a tattoo.

[80sMum]

I think if you only have £600 of savings, you would be very foolish to spend £100 of it on something as frivolous as a tattoo.

On a separate issue, it does sound as though your dh is not being fair in his attitude towards the family finance. Yes, he the one who is earning but you are also contributing by carrying out tasks that would otherwise have to be paid for. You need to sit down and discuss where each of you stands.

[Khaleasy]

Plus those savings are JOINT savings ie. savings to be spent on things that will benefit the family.

I agree with all who say you need to work out a way to get some money put aside for you to spend. But once money goes in the savings pot you should see it as already spent.

£600 is not a lot of money to have in savings, you need to be building it up not chipping away at it

[Patchouli]

I'm not really a tattooey person - but surely if you're going to get one it would be favourite under happier circumstances.
Rather than it be a permanent symbol of resentment.

I don't see how you'll be able to truly like your cherry blossom leg without having feelings of guilt about the family savings or resentment about how your DP sees it as the family savings.

[DameFanny]

Book the tattoo for a month's time. Point out that in that month he'll have spent at least as much on beer and cabs. If he's genuine about saving, suggest he halve his play money and you'll have the tattoo in 2 months with your play money.

I think given the history Yanbu, but the tattoo's what's brought things to a head. Use the opportunity to properly sort your joint finances and expectations over what each of you should have or control money-wise.

And a red herring would make an awesome tat

[DontmindifIdo]

I think that right now, getting a tattoo isn't the best idea. However, what I would do is use this as a dicussion on your finances and how they are split, the unfairness of him having more disposable income than you.

So joint account for bills and food, work out what is left after that, split it in 3, an equal share each, and a share for savings. Out of your money you can choose to save for a tattoo, or spend on taxis, lunches out etc. But your 'fripperies' money should be the same. Then it is yours. It does seem you have different attitudes to savings/spending then this is the only way you can really do it. Stop the resentment about spending.

Get your tattoo out of your personal 'fun money' in a few months time. Then there'll be no way he can argue that you should save it if he's spent the exact same amount on crap.

[DontmindifIdo]

Oh and on the 'your money' take it out of hte joint account each month and put it in your individual accounts, that way it's quite clear and you do'nt need to see how much each other did actually spend on each thing in order to judge how they've spent their 'me money'. When you have very different spending patterns, reducing flash points and avoiding potential arguments is a good idea...

[Sallyingforth]

OP in your first post you said that you didn't know that you/he were saving for a deposit. It seems to me that where you live is a far bigger issue than the tattoo, and should be resolved first.
You need to talk about your joint priorities and goals in life and decide what you both want.
Did you both actually want to buy a house, or are you happy to rent forever?
If you both agree that you want to save for a deposit then you should both be prepared to economise. That means not spending money on tattoos or three nights a week in the pub.

[lottiegarbanzo]

So he buys two pints three times a week = £20 or more
plus £15 a week on a taxi because he's disorganised.
gives a total of £45 a week on completely unnecessary items.
That is £2,225 a year.
That is a good amount to save for a deposit.

He could have a few cheap beers at home for £5 a week, or limit himself to one social trip to the pub at £7, still saving £2k a year.

Stop all this asking him for 'his money' crap. Make sure you have a bit for luxuries.

Discuss and agree what your savings are for, then stick to it.