My 4yo DD is a lovely girl, if you ask anyone who knows her they would say she is polite, well mannered and well behaved. But what they don't see is that at home she can be very stubborn, refusing to do what she is told.
It can be anything from 'stop being silly on the stairs, you will fall' to 'stop teasing your little brother' to 'please put your shoes away' or 'come on, into the car please'. She doesn't do it, she looks at me and just carries on whatever she is doing.
I always ask nicely the first time (this is usually enough if we are out or with others), then I ask a second time with a tone that says I am serious, and if I have to ask a third time then I show that I am cross with her (no yelling or anything just a cross face and very firm) and she has to do her 4 minute time out. This always turns into tears and sobbing because she has been told off and in time out, but she just doesn't get that if she had done what she was told then she wouldn't be in trouble.
It drives me mad, why can't she just do what she is told? She used to, then she turned four!
My friend said I am expecting too much, I shouldn't expect a four year old to do what she is told. But I don't think IABU because she used to do what she was told before this attitude arrived and her 3 yo brother mostly does what he is told will cry if he turns difficult on his 4th birthday too
So, AIBU?
AIBU?
...to expect my 4yo DD to do what she is told? Friend said IABU
ThatsNotMyDinosaur · 25/06/2013 20:26
Yes, they both have jobs to do, they love it because they know they will get their pocket money. I don't even have to tell them to do the jobs, they do it without any reminding.
DD at 4 can make a passable attempt at straightening her duvet, DS at 3 needs me to do it with him together but is very chuffed with himself that he has done it.
Tidying their rooms is just straightening up toys, so putting her My Little Ponys in their box and putting his cars in the car garage.
Each night one of them puts the cutlery on the table for dinner. It is hardly slave labour!
We have plenty of fun too. Having some responsibility to help around the house doesn't mean we don't have fun as a family 
I think Ya being a tiny bit u to expect her to do as she's told all the time. Yes, she does understand but also she's testing out her own ideas and opinions. And while she might undertand that she should do as she's told, she may not understand the importance of tasks. To a 4 year old the fact that her shoes are in the middle of the room rather than neatly away probably doesn't sound like that big a deal.
I think that's where pick your battles helps. Which ones are entirely up to you. For me the major ones are anything to do with his safety and his health (so holding my hand to cross a road is non negotiable, for example as is brushing his teeth) After that ones that impact on other people. In your example of teasing her brother and picking up shoes I would want to clamp down on the teasing before worrying about the shoes.
I think also be aware of how much attention she gets for not doing as she's told. If she picks the shoes up she gets a quick well done. If she doesn't she gets a 4 minute, temper tantrum - fantastic fun for any 4 year old! 
I find it far more effective with my DS to just shrug my shoulders and say "ok, Mummy will do it" and walk away. This will usually prompt him to run after saying "No I do it!" But even if he doesn't at least he hasn't had any attention for his disobedience.
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