This is emotional blackmail. There must be laws against this, surely?

[D0oinMeCleanin]

I can have them grounded arrested or something, no?

I got a lovely glitter painting from my DC. It's of a no smoking sign and a dead person .

It has glitter gel pen writing on it.

It reads "Mammy, please stop smoking. It is bad for you. You will die a lot sooner than you normally would. It will make you really poorly. We don't want you to die [insert face with glitter tears]

People who want you to stop
[insert dd1, dd2 and DH's signature]

Me and dd2 and Daddy would want you to quit. It would make us very happy. We love you lots"

This is worse than those awful bloody adverts with the children.

Please tell me I can punish them? This is just wrong. Glitter should not be used this way.

[Wheresmycaffeinedrip]

No ones denied its addictive malcolm. The point is no matter how much you love it, you should love your children more.

If your dc were miserable at school you would speak to teachers or move their school.

If your partner was miserable at work you would support them through looking for a new job.

If your pets were miserable you would enrich their environment or take them for more walks.

In other words you would seek to help your family through anything that wasn't making them happy and do your best to help where you can to achieve that.

If people post about their spouses suffering any other kind of addiction like gambling , alcohol, drugs the amount of people who's response is to LTB is unbelievable especially when it reaches the point where the children are distressed about it.

Yet somehow smokin is acceptable and will be defended no matter how much the family beg them to stop. No matter how upset and scared they are.

[namelessposter]

I used to ask my Dad to quit. I loved him very much and to me it felt like every fag was him declaring, 'I'm not bothered about being at your wedding'; ' I don't care if I'm dead young and never meet my grandkids'; 'it's ok by me to leave your mum to live the last 30 years of her life alone'. He did quit eventually (when I was in my thirties). I was so proud of him. Nice that your kids love you so much.

[PleasePudding]

Oh god I love smoking and miss it so bloody much. As someone else said not all the fags but the best fags, the one with coffee, the one in the dusk in the garden with your best friend and a bottle of wine and so much endless conversation, the one outside a club chatting to a really funny guy.

I gave up when pregnant with DC1 but slid back into it because a "cheeky cig" quickly became 10 a day and it was so nice to have the time to myself outside. Anyway I got pregnant with DC3 an gave up again but was terrified that I'd go back but went to a wedding, got pissed and smoked a cigarette that wasn't at all like my normal brand and it was so disgusting that I've so far been not really wanting one either with wine or coffee, only occasionally when DH is a complete arse.

Anyway that is irrelevant but non-smokers never ever get how totally, totally fabulous smoking can feel.

I think OP's DC sounds hilarious and exceptionally clever and all public health messages are missing out on a liberal scattering of glitter.

Why do people get sanctimonious about it?

[MalcolmTuckersMum]

Please yours is a salutary tale and is why I'm avoiding getting pissed for the time being! I know it would take very very little for me to slide right back. I think it's the first morning fag with coffee that I miss most. Tbh by the time you've been through 20 and it's bedtime they taste pretty vile - I wish I knew why I'd done that for so long when they weren't even nice! I have a friend who only smokes when she goes on holiday - stops the minute she comes back and doesn't touch one again until the next holiday. I so wish I could be like that. I can't.

[SillyTilly123]

We (me and my brother) also used to beg my mam to stop smoking. She used to laugh at us and was of the 'it'll never happen to me' brigade. She died of lung cancer at 48 Luckily (in a way) I was grown up, but if she had of died while we were young I'm not sure how I would of coped.

What got me was my 2 cousins and aunty and uncle were going out for a cig while we watched my mam die this horrible, painful, undignified death. Incontinent, hallucinating, could hardly speak or catch her breath. She weighed just 7 stone when she died and looked like a skeleton. I dont understand why anyone would want this for themselves or for their children to watch.

When she found out it was terminal she said "sorry" to me and my brother. What were we meant to say to that? We said "it's ok" we wanted to say "we bloody told you so!" I dont think the anger at her will ever go away tbh. Its sad than when I think of my mam dying im sad but then anger always rears its head and it shouldnt be that way when thinking of someone you loved with all your heart.

I hope you can find the strength to stop. x

[DumSpiroSpero]

I wished all these people in my life hadn't smoked, but ceaseless nagging didn't work on them, because they enjoyed it and knew the risks.

I can sympathise, because it's so hard to quit/do anything unless you're totally ready (in my case it's diet & exercise).

I nagged my mum incessantly to stop smoking when I was growing up, she finally managed 7 years ago, by which time I was 31 & my own daughter 2. She went cold turkey the day after DD's birthday having smoked for 56 years. I am very proud of her but occassionally can't help but feel a bit sad/resentful that she did it for DD but couldn't do it for me.

You probably should try and kick the habit, but be kind to yourself and I think you need to explain to your kids that you will do your best but it may noy happen immediately and while you're trying they need to cut you some slack. There is nothing worse than people being constantly on your case when you are already trying but struggling to do something mentioning no names Mum, if you're reading...

Just a word of advice though. Don't replace the fags with wine gums and get yourself diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes (she's kicked that habit too now!)

[rootypig]

Christ caffeine that is a bit much. My Dparentss did plenty of things that made us actively unhappy! moved us to other countries, made us screech and bang on practise musical instruments

Look, I know you'll say that those things are different from smoking because they don't threaten someone's health and of course you're right, but please don't fall into the sanctimonious arse's trap of going overboard with your arguments. When we have children we don't abdicate our self entirely, or at least I didn't.

pudding "when DH is a complete arse" yy

[Wheresmycaffeinedrip]

The point is the hypocrisy of it all. That its not ok for anybody to upset your family unless its mummy and its cigarettes. Because mums are somehow immune to the judgement of bad choices and children expressing concern and love is a punishable offence

The responses would in no way be this pleasant from most people if it was the mum expressing concerns about their husband smoking and the effect in the children.

[Katnisscupcake]

My dh has just got an e-cig and he has got his from //www.jacvapour.com and apparently they cater for all levels of smokers and do a starter kit. Apparently it's not a disposable one and supposed to be much better.

This is for anyone reading, once you are ready to give it a go.

Good luck op, whatever you decide.

[PleasePudding]

Caffeine it's not like gambling or alcoholism because in those you lose control of either your money (an therefore your family's security) or your actions.

Smoking is more akin to someone driving recklessly when their children aren't in the car and there is no one else on the road. And I don't think people would say LTB for that would they?

Rootypig what is it about DHs being inflexible and generally arselike that just makes you want to run to the nearest newsagent?

Nalcolm it worries me so much, I don't think continuous pregnancies are part of the NHS guide to helpful tools for smoking cessation.

[ExcuseTypos]

My Sister and I nagged my mum and dad to stop smoking, when we were in our early teens.

They did it. Although I can remember them being very moody for a few months but it was worth it!

[rootypig]

"Because mums are somehow immune to the judgement of bad choices and children expressing concern and love is a punishable offence"



caffeine do we live in the same world? because in the one I'm in, quite the opposite in fact. From the day we get knocked up women are subjected to a relentless stream of chatter about all the ways we are failing / damaging / mortally wounding our children. If you're talking about attitudes on MN, I would suggest that that is why MN is so popular. It's usually some welcome relief from all that Daily Mail hectoring and a place where we can come to be honest and have a laugh.

Anyway I think you're overstating things again. "its not ok for anybody to upset your family unless its mummy and its cigarettes". nonsense. and the OP doesn't say that, does she? reread her post. it's FUNNY.

[christinarossetti]

god that's a sad OP and it's not funny.

e-cigs seem to be the way to go these days - there are lots of different ones that people use and seem to be able to stop smoking real cigarettes.

I would give one of these a go.

[Wheresmycaffeinedrip]

Funny? Seriously?

This is how the op's children feel. They made her a sign asking her not to kill herself with cigarettes. Now I have a warped sense of humor and I can laugh at most things. But this is in no way funny!!!

[Dahlen]

That is quite funny. I bet you also felt a bit crap though.

You say you've got the Allen Carr book in print and on kindle, but have you actually read it? If not, please do so.

Like you I was a 'proper' smoker (30-a-day plus) and thought I loved it. The book totally changed the way I thought about smoking and I quit, cold turkey, extremely easily after reading it, despite many failed attempts in the years beforehand. That was 7 years ago.

[sweetsummerlove]

im sad for your littles..

[BadgersNadgers]

Can't you buy them their own pack of cigs so they can share the fun?

It could be a nice family activity. Maybe start them on the Silk Cuts, that'll stop the anti smoking Nazis from getting on your case. Silk Cuts are good for you.

[rootypig]

pudding yy, even better, dispatch the arse shopwards, make himself useful

[EhricLovesTeamQhuay]

OP, I'm not denying that you love smoking, not at all. But what you love is the ritual, the associations, the momentary relief from cravings. The moment to yourself, the moment to calm down and focus, the belief that it is a little pleasure. What you don't really love is the foul taste, the coughing, the smell, the poison. So if you can identify what it is you really enjoy about smoking, you can replace it very easily with something else. The cravings are nothing, not painful or difficult to ignore. The associations are harder, but they can be done.

[EhricLovesTeamQhuay]

Ps read Allen Carr. Just do it, you wil. Stop and I promise you won't even miss it.

[perplexedpirate]

Ground them. Also, LTB for DH's part in this travesty.
Also also, give up the fags so they can never do this to you again!
I love my e-cig. Maybe you could get a different brand and let the DCs decorate it with glitter?

[mummydarkling]

When small my 3 siblings and I used to cough loudly in unison when my mum lit up. Now it is 30+ years on and she is still with us and her 7 grandkids. She gave up in 83. I think I would not have minded the groundings and being sent to bed. Consider this an intervention moving op from precontemplation to contemplation.

CHOOSE LIFE OP

[Fluffycloudland77]

She deleted all the books off your kindle leaving only the Alan Carr book? I like her style.

I like it a lot.

So which party will she stand for? Or will she start her own?

We already have pets so I'm safe from enforced pet ownership.

[ImagineJL]

I'm a GP, and as part of our contract we have to advise smokers annually (assuming we see them) to give up. It sometimes feels pointless, telling intelligent adults that smoking is bad for them, when obviously they know already. However, studies have shown that just a few sentences reminding smokers of the dangers can have an impact. Same with alcohol - apparently 1 in 8 heavy drinkers will modify their drinking behaviour if a medical professional advises them of the harm it's doing to them.

So I disagree that we should all keep quiet and just accept that smokers know the risks and they should never be mentioned. As irritating as nagging is, if it means one person cuts down or quits then I think it's worth it. The end justifies the means.