DP and I are on a tight income and budget hard to make ends meet but, besides a small overdraft (due to some emergency bills) which we've nearly got out of and student loans, we're debt free. Because of our tiny budget we spend very little on going out/leisure and carefully plan and save up for family events like birthdays/Christmas etc.
DB and SIL are very much the opposite, as long as they can physically get money from somewhere they'll spend it and owe nearly everyone in the family besides us pretty hefty amounts but still prioritise going out for meals/drinks over bills or paying anyone back.
They've just suggested that for Father's Day we go to DF's favourite restaurant for a meal, albeit on a deal which makes it quite cheap but still about £30 per couple. We never usually do a lot for Father's Day, usually make lunch at one house or nip in to spend some time with DF but nothing major, and I think meal suggestion was an excuse for them to justify going out again rather than a genuinely nice thought. DM rang to tell us and i said I didn't think we could go as it'd be out of our budget (we're currently saving for some badly needed clothes). So DM felt bad and has insisted her and DF pay for us to go as they'd like us to and never give us any money anyway whereas they end up doing it with DB and SIL frequently (such as when they turn up saying they've got no food in the house and DM takes them shopping). Got a narky text from SIL later to say that she didn't think it was too much to ask for that we'd want to celebrate with our own family!
Feel very awkward about it because I don't want to put my foot down and say we still won't go as DM and DF would be very disappointed but don't see why they should have to pay for us when it's not essential that we all go out for a meal.
On its own this would be fairly trivial but it's the latest in a long line of DB and SIL organising or suggesting things that they know is out of our budget and theirs too but sponging off other people to do it and acting as if we're very unreasonable and dull not to go into debt too so we can do the same things. SIL sulked that I didn't want to go out for a meal on my own birthday because it was much cheaper (and nicer) to have a takeaway and shedloads of homemade cake at home and they frequently tell the rest of the family that we're 'anti-social' and boring for staying at home instead of going out (ie, borrowing a dvd and buying snacks to have a film night at home instead of spending £20-£30 at the cinema).
We're honestly not penny-pinching or mean though, we put money aside to go out for other people's birthdays and have a fab time but we can afford it as one-offs, not every other week. WIBU to just have it out with them (DB and SIL) and say that not everyone can afford to go out all the time and remind them that they can't afford it either and perhaps it would have been a nicer gesture to pay £30 of what they owe DF and DM (which runs into £1000's) back rather than suggest a meal that they've borrowed off SIL's auntie to afford and that they know we can't afford easily? Feeling very irritated that they're so thoughtless and reckless yet think we're BU for being so 'boring'.
AIBU?
to not want to justify trying to stay out of debt and be very irritated at having the opposite attitude shoved down my throat?
Squishsquash · 14/06/2013 19:21
YADNBU Op. I get this from friends and family. I think people have finally given up on us now. I'm sure they think we're boring / stingy. I don't care anymore. I'd rather keep our money for our own family. Am definitely not boring either. I spent years going out and partying from teenage to having dc. I don't see it as a priority anymore. Can't handle the hangovers either 
YANBU but...if your parents can afford it, I'd maybe let them treat you this time as it sounds like you parents would appreciate you just being there.
My parents & PIL take us out for food often. We are by no means poor & have offered to pay the bill, but ultimately they have the means and would feel bad (their words) if we spent money going to a restaurant we wouldn't have gone to otherwise when we could use that money to pay down our mortgage.
Your DB and SIL will surely have to live within their means at some point? Sounds like family members should stop enabling them 
Fair enough. In that case I would be tempted to take SIL out to spend an evening sitting at the local bus stop drinking Diamond White on the wall. That'll shut her up .
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