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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want pics of my baby off a third party business page

191 replies

LadyGranulomaFortesque · 10/05/2013 13:35

We attended a 1st birthday party last year and unbeknownst to me, one of the people there was in the process of setting up a photography business. I had no idea she was even taking pictures but a friend has just messaged me to say there are a few pics of my then six month old baby being used as promotion on her business Facebook page.

I am fuming - she didn't even ask even though she is a friend of a friend. I keep all of my pictures private and apart from a little cameo of me and my son together in my profile pic, there are NO pictures of him on Facebook and even pics of me are mostly private (I am weird like that).

I realise she took the pictures (covertly as today is the first time i have seen them) and I have sent her a polite message to take them down. Anyone have any idea where I stand legally if she refuses. I am so not happy about my little man being used as advertising for someone else's business. I feel like our privacy has been violated when I am normally so careful.

OP posts:
MrsSpagBol · 14/05/2013 14:09

Oooooh parental fire!

Hope her response is apologetic. She needs a reality check and a prompt to do more research into how to conduct her business.

Blatherskite · 14/05/2013 14:13

I'd drop the swearing as it lessens your moral high ground somewhat and the last sentence about being rude and hostile.

MrsSpagBol · 14/05/2013 14:16

Didnt mention the swearing as think email has already been sent?

JenaiMorris · 14/05/2013 14:20

What Blathers said, but I guess it's a bit late now.

Do not forget, to [baby?s] dad, you are nobody (less than) and he is beyond livid and ready to take any action against you possible - WTF does that mean? I'd be considering calling the police at this point if I was her!

MerylStrop · 14/05/2013 14:20

Don't send that email
It is too long, too emotional, and you are rude and abusive to her which will make it easy for her to dismiss you as a nutter and not Get It

Make it much shorter and colder. Tell her that her actions and response are unprofessional, that you are pleased to note that the images have been removed but that you expect a full apology. And that, for the benefit of her business she needs to grasp that she can't take photos of people without their permission for business use.

There must be a code of conduct somewhere you can cite

Original poster
LadyGranulomaFortesque · 14/05/2013 14:22

Oh dear, probably shouldn't have posted it as it is sent.

Jennai, I meant legal action. I didn't read it as anything violent :-O

OP posts:
MerylStrop · 14/05/2013 14:22

Oh God you've sent it?
Well, brace yourself
She's behaved appallingly but no good can come of that kind of note

Dfg15 · 14/05/2013 14:23

I didn't read it as meaning anything violent either, obviously legal! You swore once in it and I think you were justified in doing so. Sod the moral high ground, if it makes her think about doing that kind of thing again, then good

Fedupofdiets · 14/05/2013 14:24

I agree with Meryl, sounds like she wants to piss you off with her reply and you are playing into her hands with such a highly emotional email. Your far better with a cold cool response. Try and calm down first then write it. She is very out of order and clearly doesn't give much of a shit!

Original poster
LadyGranulomaFortesque · 14/05/2013 14:26

Hmm, I have to say I disagree with some of the commentary but then I did write it. I have conveyed much of what I wanted to say, although I understand those looking from a more formal point of view.

OP posts:
shemademedoit · 14/05/2013 14:28

I'd have sent her an invoice for modelling service too...

Thumbwitch · 14/05/2013 14:28

Well it made me smile but I tend to agree with the other posters - never a good idea to send your first draft, you should always edit it down at least twice! No worries, it's done now. I don't think there's anything in there that she can get you with and after all, SHE is the one in the wrong.

I loved the use of the PA "Kind regards" at the end of it too...

OddSockMonster · 14/05/2013 14:30

I have to say, I really like your response OP! At least she sould have no mis-understanding of how you feel about it all!

Have you mentioned it to your friends who held the party? I suspect this may get back to her somehow.

badbride · 14/05/2013 14:31

Sometimes a thorough rocketing is the only way to make a transgressor see the error of their ways.

Original poster
LadyGranulomaFortesque · 14/05/2013 14:31

Well, I have had a very apologetic email back. She sounds worried....

OP posts:
Dfg15 · 14/05/2013 14:32

so she should !

badbride · 14/05/2013 14:33

...QED Grin

MrsSpagBol · 14/05/2013 14:34

Please expand on "sounds worried" - has the penny (finally) dropped?

JenaiMorris · 14/05/2013 14:40

Ah, well it sounds like badbride is right about rockets Grin

What has she said?

Original poster
LadyGranulomaFortesque · 14/05/2013 14:40

She has managed to apologise (for her responses, that I am unhappy), without ever apologising for the actual images, the advertisements or the distribution around the net..... so no, the penny clearly hasn't fully dropped.

She has focused more on the very last sentence than any other (touched a nerve?)

Just multiple apologies and an assurance that as soon as she has full access to the net that she will remove everything.

OP posts:
Blatherskite · 14/05/2013 14:45

You diluted your point with that last line.

You should always have MN proof read your ranty emails first Wink

treas · 14/05/2013 14:47

I think Op that you will be unlikely to receive an apology from this person as they are covering their arse should you take it further legally, as an apology would be seen as an admission of guilt.

Original poster
LadyGranulomaFortesque · 14/05/2013 14:48

I know re the last line. I do agree but it was important, simply because it demonstrates that this was someone that clearly didn't like us but thought it was ok to take advantage.

OP posts:
MoonlightandRoses · 14/05/2013 15:10

Goodness, she showed her true colours. Glad the second response was rather more appropriate than the first. It might be worth tie-ing her into a timeline for removal too, which I am guessing she didn't provide in her second email. It is also worth flagging the issue with the ASA and other relevant bodies irrespective of the 'apology' if you feel she still doesn't understand what the problems in acting this way are.

MrsSB - my point still stands. Where there is no immediate risk, and there wasn't, one should not react in the way suggested until there is proof that one should. In this case proof was provided and LadyG acted on it.

MrsSpagBol · 14/05/2013 15:25

TBH Moonlight I still don't really understand why you picked on my posts specifically. I did not encourage any specific action in any of my posts (eg trashing her business), I just said I couldn't bear the issue being minimised as it was(in my view - which I believe I am entitled to) :

  1. Common sense
  2. Basic photography "etiquette"
  3. Obvious business practice

That anyone should be expected to know, let alone a professional.

So my views still stand. I was bemused to be honest as to what you found so incredibly emotive and offensive about my specific posts. I didn't actually suggest any specific action in any of my initial posts. Confused