AIBU in my expectations of recovery from childbirth or am I just lazy?

[WestieMamma]

Because I really don't have a clue about what is 'normal'.

I had my baby two and half weeks ago. It was very quick (had to call an ambulance and he was born out in the street as I clung to back of it). No stitches, no tearing, basically as easy as I could imagine childbirth could be.

But I still feel utterly exhausted and can't seem to get myself in gear to do anything and I feel like a complete lazy, useless lump. Baby is feeding about every 4 hours, so only wakes once during the night. My husband gets up with him in the morning and deals with him for a couple of hours in the afternoon. So it's not like I'm short of time to sleep.

Plus my husband and daughter (19) are doing all the meals, most of the washing and much of the housework. So I really have no excuse as all I do is feed the baby and rock him to sleep. I've just got up after a 2 hour afternoon sleep and I'm just as tired as when I went to lie down. I don't think it helps that I'm still in a lot of pain with PGP, although no where near as bad as before birth. But still I've done bugger all. :(

You've had a baby, no matter how easy it affects yourbody,you're also in pain, take as much sleep as you can, you're not lazyand congratulations!

How are your iron levels?

Are your iron levels low? That's how I felt after having my dd and I was anaemic and needed iron tablets, I was fine after ds.

Yes, get iron levels checked if this hasn't been done?

Paramedics may not be as good at estimating blood loss as midwives and you may have lost more than the usual amount of blood....or even been border line anaemic prior to giving birth.

It's such early days! I had an uncomplicated north and only felt physically more normal around 4 weeks (piles had cleared up!) and being tired/sleep deprived is normal! I only felt I got feeding right at around 7-8 weeks.

YY check your iron

But having a baby is exhausting. As is feeding. Plus you are in pain. You are not lazy :)

Congratulations!

Birth not north, autocorrect!

You have a newborn. Sit down and do as
little as possible, let others pick up the slack and recover.

Don't push yourself so early on..seriously, just take it easy :)

I feel the same, ds3 is nearly 4 weeks old.

My iron is ok and I am bf every 2 hours.

Do you feel well emotionally? Only asking as I feel that can impact upon energy levels.

Congratulations on your newborn btw

Relaaaax... you have just had a baby! Presumably with no pain relief and very little sleep towards the end of pg. If there is a time to be easy on yourself, it's now.

Also, if you have a 19 year old already, you may be an older mother now (apologies if this is not the case) and so will naturally take longer to recover. But two weeks is no time at all.

Thank you everyone for the reassurance. I'll ask the midwife about getting my iron checked when I see her on Tuesday. They were fine throughout the pregnancy, but now I'm wondering if it's because I'm not taking the vitamin suppliments anymore.

I am feeling a little bit low at the moment but I feel this is because of the tiredness not the cause.

I'm 41 this time round

You need to take it easy for at least 6 weeks. It's not just the birth, your body went through a whole load of changes with the pregnancy too.

In some cultures, the family rally round a new mum and do all the tasks in the household for forty days after the birth. The mum is expected to rest and focus solely on her and the baby for forty, blissful days.

A friend at work had this with her son. She said it was the best time of her life. I think we could all learn a lot from that.

I would get your Iron and Vitamin D levels checked (though I think pg and new Mums are advised to take a Vit-D supplement ?)

Are you breastfeeding as this can delay PGP returning to normal

I'll back what Finola says. It used to be the custom in this country for a woman to be taken care of for four weeks. I wonder if it was meant to take care of the woman psychologically as well as physically. Having a child, especially for the first time can be very traumatic no matter how happy you are with the outcome.

There is a good reason that we have a six week check after a baby. Give yourself time.

Get a copy of 'What mothers do - even when it feels like nothing'. Yep, there's a whole book devoted to what you're doing right now - you're looking after a new-born . Don't be in a rush to power back up. You know (having a 19yo) how quickly this 'slow' stage will go, you'll be running round after a toddler in no time. Just ease into it and stop worrying about other things.

Although YY to the iron too.

I had shockingly low iron levels after birth so do consider this a possibility.

When my mum had her first baby 40 odd years ago, she was in hospital for 10 days and not because there were complications. It was the norm. In those 10 days, the midwives and nurses helped with bathing, caring for the baby, feeding and would even help out in the night if need be.

Fast forward 35 years. I had my first on a Sunday at lunchtime. I was home by dinner time. My choice, I wanted to be at home. But there is so much expectation these days that you should be able to just jump up and get on with it.

I'm not saying that my mum's way was better. But I do think that in our attempts to be great mums from the off, we have stopped ourselves from just having time to adjust.

I'm the same age as you op and also have a Dd 19. I was full of energy after her birth and bounced back straight away. Roll on 10 years when I had 2nd dc and I was exhausted for months after! I also breastfed 2nd dc which I didn't with my first and never realised how much it physically takes it out of you.

The MATB1 form still says 'expected date of confinement' IIRC. We can learn a lot from cultures that do allow a mother a few weeks of support and rest.

But get your iron levels checked out just in case, then head back to bed .

Flora Floradix Floravital Iron and herbs liquid extract, is good. Keep it in the fridge once opened, and take every day, until it's gone.

I had an amazing Chinese midwife , who took me most the way through a very difficult labour, first after our sons had died,(and she was six foot tall) very impressive woman for lots of reasons.

she said that in China when you have a baby, a female family member comes to look after the baby, and another family member, comes to look after the mother, they then must be the advocate of their charges, so the mummy looker after will argue that the mummy must be allowed to rest, and the baby looker after will argue that baby must be fed, they stay for at least six weeks, usually much longer,

she said that it is a great honour to be chosen to do either of these jobs, and that the Chinese believe that how a women rests and how she is looked after, after childbirth will affect her health for the rest of her life, she said it is considered very foolish to not rest for as long as possible, and they believe that rushing recovery will cause health problems later, they think we are uncivilised, as we rush to be up and about.

It seems sensible to me. she made DH promise to be the best chinese helper possible, he's always really good anyway, but he promised.

so stay in bed, rest, take as long as you need, as your long term health is important. I'm sure your family are happy to muck in, just give your body a chance to recover, and take as long as you need.

Everyone is different. We all know someone who did a big supermarket shop 4 hours after giving birth/went back to work 2 weeks after, but I wasn't like that and neither are you. Have you considered postnatal depression? I understand that can make you utterly exhausted.