sorry just trying to break it down,
teens, get to a state of despair remarkable quickly, and throw in the towel, they cannot envisage the stages involved in progressing,
They view where they are and where they would like be, but are overwhelmed by the concepts in between.
Until they can grasp the concept of concentrating on completing the little daily steps needed to achieve the greater goal, they get gripped.
at which point, unable to articulate their internal dialogue, with mutual family frustration, they look else where for distraction, acceptance, reassurance and affection, which in turn causes additional pressures to the relationships within the family unit,
then each time they return there is increased friction and demands, they distance themselves more,
It is extraordinarily hard not to push back, but you have to break the cycle, it takes a while for them to realise you are not engaging on that level.
When you talk to her about her long term goals, what are her ambitions, dreams, directions, what does she want to do with her life, her interests, what grips her?
If she has an idea how ever distant, she needs to identify what are the steps between where she is now, and where she is wants to end up, then start to do each little tiny step, hand in an essay, turn up to a lesson, look at a collage for a retake, once she feels she is progressing, she will become more proactive,
somehow she needs help to grasp, the idea that little steps get you to the top of the mountain, if you stand at the bottom and lot at the summit it's too overwhelming to start, little steps look up occasionally check the view, update the route plan, and you will get there,
review the mentoring she is getting, make sure she is getting support where she can, help her access it,
when co parenting, you cannot drop the ball in the hope that one or more of the parents will pick it up, it never works, you have to just plug away, and if they join in all the better, it often takes one of the parents to take a positive lead, before the others feel what they contribute is worthwhile, it will gain momentum but it usually takes a considerable effort to start.
It's very hard to remain sane and calm, with such continuous provocative energy draining situation, if you can form a co operative tag team with the other parents, and mentors (tutors, school councillors) , it will insure that no one person is bearing the brunt.
it is very hard getting teens who are feeling totally wretched to re engage, if any of their securities are removed, it distances them further, and will prolong the process, they find bridge building difficult.