To be upset because DS wanted to be in the arms of another mum?

[Azrael]

This morning I had to run an errand in central London and on the way back my 13-month old DS screamed in the tube non-stop (didn't want to eat/drink, took his jacket off.)

Later I went to meet my NCT friends in the park. I got there still tense from the incident.

DS was happy and smiley while we played in the kids area, but when I put him in his pram and we started walking round the park he started whingeing. I kept feeding him raisins to keep him happy. At some point that didn't work anymore - he was just screaming, full stop.

I assumed that all he needed was his afternoon nap and I was dying for him to just fall asleep. I was too annoyed and didn't really feel like taking him in my arms as a result. My friend suggested picking him up to comfort him. I gave up, picked him up - he stopped screaming straight away. I started crying out of sheer frustration.

He's 10kg, so I wasn't able to hold him for long. I wanted to put him back in the pram but he arched his back. My friend took him in her arms (while she kept pushing her own pram). I let her do it. She googoogaagaaa'ed with him for 5-10 min while we left the park.

When we parted ways, I took him from her arms but ... ... ... ... he clearly wanted to stay with her because he directed his arms towards her.

At that point lightening struck me. I wanted to die. I wanted to die because my heart was pierced (all those sleepless nights? all these showers with a screaming baby next to me? all these meals wolfed down because he was whingeing his pram? for nothing?). And my pride was hurt. My baby preferred another woman.

My friend was equally shocked. She just managed to say 'Oh it's because he knows you're going to put him back in the pram'.

AIBU to feel hurt?

and what about the pram situation - should I make it a principle that he should stay in there when I say so, or should I take him from his pram and carry him any time he whinges (which is 50% of the time)?

[monkeymamma]

My ds is similar age and often does something like this - eg if he's cuddling a visitor and they have to leave, or we are about to set off somewhere. I think it's more about the transition than who they prefer being with (they are just learning that they have little power in the world so change and relocation seem to trigger meltdowns!). So please don't take it to heart!

[gybegirl]

Azreal, the way I think of it is, what if I were never able to change my DPs mind? I'd be unbelievably frustrated and feel not in control of my life. That way I realise that it's okay to change your kind with small children sometimes or should I say very occasionally!

However, if it's following a statement "if you do this X will happen" hell will freeze over before I back down! . This makes you much more careful about what you ask your child to do and what your response will be.

Don't fret about him wanting to be with someone else - you are irreplaceable in his eyes!

[DoctorRobert]

it read like you don't usually pick him up when he's upset, so he was just enjoying the cuddle. if you had been giving it, he wouldn't have wanted to leave your arms either.

echo the sling suggestion. I carried my dd until she was about 25lb

[Iggi101]

It's hard to know how often the whingeing would happen if he was quickly cuddled/lifted whatever when he starts feeling unhappy - it's a bit like me whingeing to dh to do something, if he did it when I wanted it down I wouldn't have to whinge!
Op I hope you notice no-one is saying you are unreasonable I this isn't an aimbu really is it, it's a distress call. Sorry things have got too much yesterday - are most days like that or are some better than others?
I am in awe of adults travelling by tube into central London, never mind with a baby! That can't have been pleasant for either of you.

[DeathMetalMum]

Really don't worry about it. Ever since my dd could walk (around 13 months). If we ever went anywher with other female adults I would not see dd for the entire time we were wherever we are. She would take books to other mums/leaders of groups etc. Ask for their hand to show them something. Even if I offered to do it myself she would look at me as if I had two heads. She is still the same at 2.

Its probably down to confidince he knows your not going to leave him.

[Lambzig]

I totally get why you are upset, but babies do this. If it is an NCT friend he has probably known her all his life and seen her every couple of weeks, so is really familiar with her.

Another thought is that he is obviously so secure in his relationship with you, that he doesn't need to be clingy or shy and can just be confident enough to enjoy the novelty of someone else playing with him. Means you are doing a fantastic job.

[differentnameforthis]

When my 2nd daughter was 3 months old, she cried non stop ALL fecking day. We went to a friends for dinner that night, I waked in her house & broke down. My friend took her & her dh made me a coffee & sat me down. During this brief time, I noticed that at last she stopped crying & fell asleep on my friend.

It happens. Be thankful that he is happy in the arms of others & don't ever think he doesn't want/love/need you! He preferred her for a few minutes, because he probably felt your stress!

Be kind to yourself. :)