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AIBU?

To ask 9yr old DS to put 2yr old DD to bed so often?

63 replies

NickNacks · 06/04/2013 19:54

He's the only one she doesn't scream the bloody house down for.

DD is very much a mummy's girl and when I put her to bed she screams and cries for me to come back and it takes a good 45 minutes to settle her.

With DH she is much the same, still cries for me and DH feels rejected when all she calls for is me when he's being so lovely to her.

DS1 takes her to bed and she's a completely different child. I do her teeth give her a kiss in the hall and he tucks her in, reads her story and leaves! I hear her cheerfully say 'Bye, DS!'

WIBU to ask him to do it a lot for the next few weeks? DH and I will still do it every few nights but if everyone is happy with this? I really don't know!

OP posts:

Report

sjupes · 06/04/2013 23:55

Dd makes the best cup of tea in the world. It's a fact.

although im sure she thinks i piss the bed i always have to remind her to fill my cup up

sashh · 07/04/2013 06:15

I would make sure you tell him how grateful you are.

I'd pay him.

It's above and beyond normal jobs.

juwie · 07/04/2013 06:21

my oldest12 loves taking his baby brother5 to bed and all my 3dc do other little chores, i think its important for them to help so they aren't completely useless when they move out and have their own families.

aufaniae · 07/04/2013 06:34

Ooh I feel uncomfortable about the idea of paying him tbh. It seems wrong to me, like it's tainting something very natural and sweet.

I agree the OP should show how grateful she is, but if he's paid it becomes more of a job. I wouldn't want my DS putting DD to bed for money; it might make him feel more obliged to do it when ge doesn't really want to. But if he enjoys it why not? I agree with others it would probably help their bonding.

The only concern would be long term, you could get into a situation where only DS can put her to bed, so OP you need to be canny about this and keep trying yourself some nights.

LeMousquetaireAnonyme · 07/04/2013 06:44

I'd pay him.

It's above and beyond normal jobs.

It what being part of a family is, they both like it, so leave them to it. If one of them wants out let them too.
Putting children to bed is not a job, all the preparation before is, but the OP does that.

exoticfruits · 07/04/2013 06:50

I don't think you should pay him. I can't see why it is beyond 'normal' jobs.
When I was 9yrs I often used to bath my 3yr old brother, put him to bed and read him a story. I loved doing it and still look back fondly on those times. I certainly preferred it to other jobs around the house.
As long as he is happy.

ENormaSnob · 07/04/2013 06:54

I think now and again is fine but I wouldn't be doing it every night.

My eldest 2 do a lot with the youngest but more on a playing level rather than childcare iyswim?

Tbf though my opinion is biased as being the eldest of 4 and had a shit time growing up. I still feel resentful now and am careful not to make my eldest feel the same.

EasilyBored · 07/04/2013 07:09

As long as he is happy to do I think it's lovely.

Somehow you have to find the balance between letting them have a childhood, and teaching them that all the family has to chip in to keep daily life running. I don't think bedtime is a.chore thpugh, if he likes it. It's a nice way for him and his little sister to bond and be together.

Saski · 07/04/2013 07:20

I wouldn't pay him.

I agree I'd be sure to let him know how much you appreciate it.

I have a 10 and 7 year old and my 10 year old does occasionally read him a bedtime story and it's incredibly sweet.

exoticfruits · 07/04/2013 07:22

I loved reading, so reading to an appreciative audience was great!

HDEE · 07/04/2013 07:36

It's fine. He's not doing the whole bedtime routine. He isn't putting her nappy and pyjamas on and choosing her bedtime.

There has been the odd occasion when I have told my 11 year old to pick up his twin brothers and please out them in their cots and close the door, because its been a hall of a long day and I was at the end of my rope. My 6 year old daughter also loves reading them their bedtime stories.

It's all part of being in a family and doing what works for you. He sounds like a lovely boy, who is doing his part for family harmony.

Maggie111 · 07/04/2013 08:42

Doing it occasionally should be part of helping the family out. Making it his responsibility every night I think means you should pay him. I had a friend who was 13 and a free au pair for her much younger siblings, it was cruel.

mrsjay · 07/04/2013 09:32

I think it is really sweet tbh he is putting her to bed not a huge responsibility is it is he wanting to do it ? he maybe feels involved with his sister and that we all help each other out it isn't all 'mums job' you do know that dd does have you all wrapped round her teeny tiny finger don't you

mrsjay · 07/04/2013 09:33

Don't pay him it would spoil it why would you pay him it is his sister he is reading his sister a story and saying night night

BrawToken · 07/04/2013 09:37

Aw, I think that is lovely as long as he doesn't mind :)

yousankmybattleship · 07/04/2013 09:38

As long as he's happy about it then it seems like the perfect arrangement. What a lovely boy you have!

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 07/04/2013 09:40

Aaaw. How blinking sweet is that? I think it's fine. I was one of 4...well still am! My siblings looked after me all the time! It's fine.

stressyBessy22 · 07/04/2013 11:49

I think he should do it occasionally not every night.that way it stays special and can be very useful to you when you really need it.If he does it every time it won't be long before she starts kicking off for him too....

shellbu · 07/04/2013 11:57

i think its wrong ,you had her dont palm her off to your son ,you put YOUR child to bed ,it shouts laziness to me .

KobayashiMaru · 07/04/2013 12:13

He likes it, she likes it and it works for you. Ignore the whingers. It's called being a family, you're the mother, not the slave who must do absolutely everything. Families share the load around, thats the point of them.

mrsjay · 07/04/2013 12:13

It is HARDLY palming off the poor boy is putting his sister to bed not sending him up a chimney to sweep seriously palming off and laziness is are very strong words to use imo, I do think children like to be involved in family life and this is no different they are a family he is helping out no biggie he isn't being forced

mrsjay · 07/04/2013 12:15

and the novelty will wear off with either brother or the little evil genuis that is the 2 year old she will get bored and start wailing for mum again soon

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LittleEdie · 07/04/2013 12:21

I'm really that anyone would have an objection to this. There's nothing wrong with children having 'jobs' around the house, and this sounds like a nice one. Everyone wins. If it were a DD doing it I wonder if people's perceptions would be different?

stressyBessy22 · 07/04/2013 12:26

littleedie Reading your child a bedtime story and tucking them in should not be regarded as a chore

shellbu · 07/04/2013 12:30

thats what mothers or fathers do , put children to bed , i didnt feel like a slave putting mine to bed , it is laziness when there are 2 parents sat on their arse and let a 9 yr old do it cos they cant be bothered with her crying ,jobs are fine for a 9 yr old but child care , i dont think so .

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