Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3

AIBU?

AIBU to make Ds continue with sport he wants to give up

69 replies

scattermummy · 05/04/2013 09:06

Ds has been doing a sport for 4 years and has enjoyed it until recently.
We moved to a club nearer to our house and he hates the new coach.
He is over sensitive and thinks the coach does not like him.
He got shouted at a few weeks ago for doing something silly and a bit dangerous and he was upset at being humiliated in front of everyone.
I told him that he should not have done it and should accept the telling off and move on.

He also has not being doing very well in recent competitions as has gone up an age category .We knew it would be hard for a while.
Anyway, he says that he will not go and he hates it .

Im really cross as we have spent a fortune so far on this .I really want my children to be resilient and not give in when things get tough.
Ive given him a really hard time and told him that if he gives it up i will not pay for any other hobby.

He really wants guitar lessons,But as he has shown he is a quitter I don't think their is any point.Ive tried bribing him to carry on but that now does not work.

WWYD

OP posts:

Report

GrowSomeCress · 05/04/2013 10:17

If I'm honest I think you should probably make him carry on for a bit. It's not completely ideal for him to think he can just give up anything whenever just because it's a bit harder.

scattermummy · 05/04/2013 10:39

I have asked him if he wants to go back to his old club and he said no.
He has to get a train there and the whole round trip was about 5 hours twice a week.That is why we moved him to a nearer club.
There is not really anywhere else to go and he does not want to.

I did buy him a guitar at Christmas and he has been teaching himself.
I will tell him he can have lessons.

I come across as horrible obviously! Im not really.
I was never good at anything when I was young and not encouraged so I am guilty of trying to do what was not done for me.

OP posts:

nokidshere · 05/04/2013 10:42

My boys play cricket and have been doing so for 10 years now. It is a huge committment in terms of both time and money. They are both pretty good.

At the beginning of each season I ask them to think carefully about whether they want to continue before the season begins. They know that they are not allowed to drop out once they have signed on for the year.

What is the point in paying for a sport they dont want to do?

My youngest son wanted drum lessons at school and loved it for about 3 terms. We bought him a drum kit and other equipement. Then he got a new teacher, didn't get on well with him and it became a battle each week. We sold the drum kit and cancelled the lessons.

KittiesInsane · 05/04/2013 10:49

I do have some sympathy with that, Scatter!

DS used to do drama lessons. Good at it, gained a lot of confidence, tended to come second in competitions (though never first -- he's not outstanding), but the lessons were getting too pricy and too inconvenient, so we moved him. He never got on as well in the new group, and two terms later he gave it up altogether.

This year, he's saying he wished he had kept it up, as he wants a career in that area -- but the same snags still apply to both groups! I've said he needs to think carefully about it and if he wants to go back to the first group he will need to get a paper round to pay the difference. So far he hasn't, so I guess the desire isn't that strong...

Notquite · 05/04/2013 11:04

I would talk to the coach about your son's reaction to his telling off and about the fact that he's feeling disheartened in competition. If he's any good, the coach will tell your son that he was told off for dangerous behaviour, that it wasn't personal and suggest they start again on a new footing. He'll also talk about your boy's prospects in the new age group and what he can do to get back to where he was.

If the coach isn't interested in helping, or your son still isn't keen, then I think you should let him give up.

I don't think you're doing anything wrong by trying to make it work before letting it go; it's a useful lesson to children to try and resolve a problem before you walk away. If he does end up leaving, he's not a quitter, he's stuck with it for some years in spite of the travelling.

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight · 05/04/2013 11:10

How about having the music lessons as well as the sport? Might be able to get a music student rather than a teacher if money is an issue

TheNebulousBoojum · 05/04/2013 11:12

'I was never good at anything when I was young and not encouraged so I am guilty of trying to do what was not done for me.'

That's honest, but living vicariously through your children can do a lot of damage to your relationship and to their self-image.

meditrina · 05/04/2013 11:13

I'd make mine continue until the next natural break point (ie you don't give up overnight on a whim) and that's usually the end of the term I've paid for.

If he's not enjoying it, you don't want to turn a temporary dislike into permanent aversion. Can it be continued differently (fewer competitions? Different classes?). Or perhaps given up if he feels the same way at the end of the (shortish) summer term? (Or half term).

WeAllHaveWings · 05/04/2013 11:15

If he has went up an age category it will be tough at first (ds found this with swimming). Can you agree he gives it a little time to adjust to the higher level and new coach (maybe till summer hols) and then if he still hasn't settled he can decide?

If he consistently hates it and wants to give it up I would let him, but try to find another physical activity he can try.

Also let him have guitar lessons (if you can afford it).

DontmindifIdo · 05/04/2013 11:22

You don't say what the sport is, where is it in the season for this sport?

DH played rugby to a professional and international level, but every summer after I met him, at the end of the season when he was battered and sore, and usually when picking up bad injuries, he'd say he only thought he had one more season in him. It was a decade of "one more season" before he really did get an injury that he couldn't bounce back from with a few weeks off to get back in shape.

Is this the sort of sport where your DS would have a period of natural break, like end of season where by the end of it he could be raring to go again, or is it the sort of sport where it goes on all year round?

ScarletWomanoftheVillage · 05/04/2013 12:30

Good for you, op! So glad you changed your mind on this one. He might turn out to be brilliant at the guitar, or he might move on to ice skating, deep sea diving or tennis, who knows? Whichever way it goes, you are giving him choices and you are hearing him.

RunnerHasbeen · 05/04/2013 12:42

I'm probably the only one who thinks this but I don't think a disagreement with the coach is a good reason for stopping. I would regret if I had given up something I loved because of one moron (how many of us have a workplace without one, really? we don't leave our jobs if we love them because of it). Not taking things idiots say personally is a good life lesson. If he had grown bored of it, I would encourage him to leave, but it sounds like he is just reacting and acting out.

I would allow him guitar lessons as well, but encourage him to keep up sport for another 3 months or so, agreeing he can stop then if he feels the same. I used to coach a slightly unusual sport and I think at 14/15 it is a great thing to have in your life, you see the flirting and the support the teens give each other and see them becoming more independent. It is nice to have a life and identity outside school.

Jins · 05/04/2013 12:59

I had a superb swimmer a few years ago. All the coaches were getting excited about taking him through to national and hopefully international level. He loved it, loved all the hours training, loved the meets, loved everything about it.

He didn't like his coach at all but had put up with it until he reached one of the inevitable periods where no progress was made whatever he did. All of a sudden he said he wanted to stop. I wasn't sure what to do, spoke to the coach and we all agreed that he'd give it till the end of the current session and decide then.

In fact he never went back. I felt awful at first thinking that he had real potential and would regret it but he never has. I watched the olympics this summer, knowing that they were the ones he was targeted for, with mixed feelings. He didn't watch a single race.

If they aren't interested and if the enjoyment has stopped then you have to decide whether it's worth carrying on with. Nobody will achieve high levels in any sport unless they are 100% committed

lljkk · 06/04/2013 14:55

Jins, if you see this, may I ask a swimming endurance question coz I don't know who else to ask...

11yo DD aims to swim 5k in 2.5 hours for charity in a few weeks. I will get her an energy drink for the event (something pure carbs, no herbs or caffeine). Should she have a swig of drink every 20 minutes or more/less frequently? Is there a rule of thumb how often, to make for optimal energy input?

If you haven't a clue do you know anywhere online where I could ask? DD's regular coach knows more about technique than endurance/speed, iyswim.

exoticfruits · 06/04/2013 15:01

If you take something up at 10yrs it is quite probable that you want something different at 14 yrs. I can't see what is to be gained by making him do something that he doesn't want to do.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman · 06/04/2013 17:51

lljkk I can ask my DD if you like? She's a triathlete and distance swimmer (as well as a 50m sprinter). I know your dd is going to need to aim to drink regularly to prevent dehydration setting in but not sure how much and how often but I may be able to find out.

Jins · 06/04/2013 18:41

Oh gosh I can't remember the details so well nowadays. I think when DS did his 5k I just made sure there were drinks at each end of the lane so he could help himself. He never seemed to need energy drinks as such but he always had scrambled eggs for breakfast for the protein

I'll have a look in his swimming file to see if there's anything useful

lljkk · 06/04/2013 18:59

Yes please, Jins & hellhasnof.
I suppose we could find adult guidelines, not sure if kids need reboosting more frequently maybe.

cheeseslovesme · 06/04/2013 20:07

Jins makes sense, i agree if they dont enjoy their sport anymore they will never reach thier potential. My DD did all kinds of dance from 5 years old to 13 years. Then one day out of the blue said she no longer wanted to do it anymore, and tbh i was gutted as she was good. There is no point if their heart is not in it. Maybe he wants a change sell his equipment to pay for lessons etc. Can i ask what sport he does/did ? Good Luck

Flip

1 2 3

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.