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AIBU?

to be absolutely f****ing furious with DH?

61 replies

Supermim · 04/04/2013 20:41

Just seen an email confirming his week playing golf in Portugal next month - he hasn't even mentioned it to me before!!!!!!!!!! And it's not the first time - he did the same thing two years ago and made me look a complete prat at the golf club as I was the only mug who didn't know her DH was going away!!
He says he hasn't confirmed yet (even though his name is on the email, flights are booked, hotel booked etc., deposit paid and I think balance paid as it was due 13/03/13! He also says he hasn't paid but I think he lies ! And anyway I believe I have a right to be fuming just because he didn't consult me about it/mention it to me at all??? I have told him if he goes he won't have a wife to come back to - which he says is not very nice !!
Your opinions please,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

OP posts:

Report

Fairenuff · 06/04/2013 23:20

You do have options.

You know you do.

You say they are all too hard but they are not as hard as carrying on as you are. You are teaching your children about relationships. So that they can have one like yours when they're older. Is that what you want?

Liara · 06/04/2013 21:13

I rescind my previous point too.

If you stay, you are teaching your daughters that the way he treats you is the way they should expect to be treated in a relationship.

They deserve better.

maddening · 06/04/2013 18:47

How old are your dc?

Snorbs · 06/04/2013 17:56

If you're staying because you are afraid of how nasty he might get if you left then this isn't a relationship it's a hostage situation.

KatyTheCleaningLady · 06/04/2013 17:15

I've read the rest of the thread and rescind my previous post.

Look, if you have decided to stick it out for the sake of the kids, ok. I can understand that. But, don't waste any more energy on being furious. He is what he is and he will do what he wants. You can't change him or talk sense into him.

You can either leave him or cope with the situation as it is.

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/04/2013 17:14

How old are your DDs? Ballpark? Because you can plan for when they are older. Aim to leave him when they can choose to spend time with him or not. At least have a plan to leave. It sounds like he is toying with you now. Really horrible.

KatyTheCleaningLady · 06/04/2013 17:08

Book a holiday for yourself leaving the day before he does. Don't tell him until your bags are packed.

claudedebussy · 06/04/2013 17:05

don't be under any illusion that your kids don't know what he's like. and if you left him they are quite within their rights to refuse to see him. so it might not actually happen that they spend much time with him. plus it sounds like he wouldn't make much effort with them.

i think your logic is a bit screwed up here. staying with him means misery all round from what i can see.

you say you have a great time when he's not there, well imagine if he was always not there.

yes he might be an arsehole if you left him. but you wouldn't have this incredible seething anger and resentment all the time?

StuntGirl · 06/04/2013 16:59

Sweetheart, your girls will likely do a thousand times better without a dad who thinks only of himself. As will you. At least contact Womens Aid while he's gone and talk to someone impartial.

HairyGrotter · 06/04/2013 16:55

You don't have to live like this, you know? I don't think you'll be doing your girls any favours either. Would you want them to live like you do? I know I would hate for my daughter to feel like you do.

Women's Aid will help, you and your girls deserve better, regardless of the shit storm he'll try and throw your way.

Supermim · 06/04/2013 16:41

Hey - what I didn't mention is my girls and I didn't get a holiday last year as we didn't have the funds- but he had a week playing golf in Portugal. This year we are (or were) considering a three week holiday but he has been dragging his feet booking anything and I have been fretting over whether we can afford to spend 4 grand on a holiday - all the while he KNEW he had his precious week booked.

To cap it all, when we had the row about it, or should I say, when I shouted at him about it he stopped talking to ME and has said about two words to me since!! Like I've done something wrong. Seriously any psychologists out there, am I dealing with a sociopath here? He seriously doesn't think he's done anything wrong and, if past similar occurrences are anything to go by (and there are many) it will be because I shouted that he has now frozen me out. The difference now being that I simply don't care ..........

And for all you very wise people out there telling me to leave him - I have thought about this many times but have always stayed mainly to protect our children as I didn't want them spending loads of time just with him - I simply don't trust him to look after them properly, plus he can say hurtful, demeaning things without knowing/caring etc. Also, if I left him he would get VERY NASTY - it would never be a clean break unless he left me. I hope some of you will appreciate that - I am actually a strong person but I know when to put the welfare of my kids and my own self preservation first, and have therefore sucked it up and got on with it. It's not a perfect life and, yes, it is abuse on many levels but I get a lot of time when he is not around and at those times i.e. when he's playing golf etc. he really doesn't give a shit what I'm doing - very rarely even asks me what I've done that day. It's only when he's at home and I want to go somewhere with friends etc that he gives me grief (why do you want to go out with her, she's not your friend, oh don't leave me I thought we were watching a film together, so what time will you be home etc.) Or he will keep texting me when I'm out just so I know he's there.

Phew! that felt good - it's nice to have an anonymous voice and to get support from people he will never know about.

OP posts:

AnyFucker · 05/04/2013 17:01

Report to HQ and ask them to move it

Supermim · 05/04/2013 16:59

how do i move it to the relationships board?

OP posts:

Pilgit · 04/04/2013 23:11

You are his wife not a servant. Therefore any decision such as this that affected family holiday time (it will do as presumably he'll have to use holiday entitlement to get the time off) or family finances is a subject of discussion NOT unilateral decision. Of course a week away is perfectly acceptable, but the way he is going about it isn't. I suggest you get this moved to the relationships board as there are some people over there that can point out exactly how wrong this is!

StuntGirl · 04/04/2013 23:08

He's going away for a week. You can get a lot done in a week. Just sayin'.

Ouchmyhead · 04/04/2013 22:59

He's put of order for not mentioning it to you. I thought you were out of order for threatening to leave him because of it (I'd be annoyed at DP if he'd done this, I wouldn't end a whole relationship because of it) however after your second/third post I think there's probably more to it than just this incident so I'd say if you need to leave him, him being away is the perfect week to get everything sorted and make sure you and your DC's are sorted and safe.

Doha · 04/04/2013 22:49

Don't threaten if you are not prepared to follow through.
He has got away with it once, you know he is lying are you really prepared to let him away with it again.
If so more fool you.

Scrubber · 04/04/2013 22:05

If you want to leave him (and it sounds like you'd be better off without him), let this be your chance. Use the time he's away to sort your life out.

Womens aid is a good starting point.

Supermim · 04/04/2013 21:49

Thanks so much everybody - but must get some sleep - have work in the morning. Keep your comments coming though x

OP posts:

youmaycallmeSSP · 04/04/2013 21:48

:( I'm sorry.

Fairenuff · 04/04/2013 21:48

I have told him if he goes he won't have a wife to come back

YABU to say this if you don't mean it. What's the point?

AnyFucker · 04/04/2013 21:47

Ah yes

You can get out you know ?

he isn't Superhuman and above the law, he's just a man despite his inflated opinion of himself

you need to get some real life support

I suggest starting with Women's Aid

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MrsBombastic · 04/04/2013 21:46

Totally agree with you! You go girl!

mercibucket · 04/04/2013 21:45

Gives you a lot of time and space to get all the money, change the locks and bag up his stuff

mercibucket · 04/04/2013 21:45

Gives you a lot of time and space to get all the money, change the locks and bag up his stuff

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