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AIBU?

Please help.. Mum and nanny difference in opinion

46 replies

nannyof3 · 03/04/2013 07:55

Ok, im a nanny... Parent has told me today for lunch, to give her 10 month old baby, a annabel karmel beef pie that has been frozen, but the date is Feb 2009, she knows the date on it and says its fine..

Now i know shes the babies mum but this meal is over 4 years out of date.. Iv decided that im not going to give it to him but i know the mum isnt going to be happy...

Please tell me im right... and help me feel better by telling me ur opinions , and what im going to say to the mother tonight... thank you

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KindleMum · 03/04/2013 10:43

I am fairly cavalier about use-by dates and how long things have been in the freezer but that is ridiculous, especially when you're talking about a 10 month old.

On the other hand, I bet the mum does this all this time if she's actually been willing to have an argument about so the child probably gets out of date fresh and frozen food all the time and may already have a cast-iron stomach! And it does suggest that she doesn't clean the freezer.

What's her medicine cupboard like? Does she know some medicines don't work much after their use-by? Tins cupboard? I think you should find the oldest tin in her cupboard and report back!

Seriously, I would just tell her you couldn't do it. Yes, she's your employer but this is a child and you wouldn't risk food poisoning any more than you'd overdose her on Calpol if the mum told you to. Unpleasant though. Good luck.

CoffeeChocolateWine · 03/04/2013 10:52

You can't give that to him when it's 4 years out of date, you can't! If you look at packs of meat they say freeze for up to a month! I know they do that to cover themselves and I would probably eat something that's been frozen for up to about a year, but 4 years is too long. YANBU.

In terms of what to tell the mum, I agree with the above...cook it and tell her it smelled bad so you decided against giving it to him.

coffeewineandchocolate we have very similar nicknames! Haha!

quoteunquote · 03/04/2013 10:59

what Haggischucker said,

If something did happen, you would be stood in front of someone saying, 'but the mum told me to ....." which would sound very lame, and wouldn't excuse your actions,

I'm not fussy about dates, but I wouldn't risk that with a child.

quietlysuggests · 03/04/2013 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ihatepeas · 03/04/2013 11:24

As a nanny myself I definatly wouldn't it's not worth the risk.. However if you think she won't except your decision I would tell her you defrosted it and it smelt off. At the end of the day if anything happens to that baby it'll be your fault!

shellbu · 03/04/2013 11:26

cook it ,say it smelt funny so you threw it and fed her something else , mum not offended and you didnt lie ......... much

neunundneunzigluftballons · 03/04/2013 11:44

yanbu. Make something else tell the mother you gave it and say nothing. She is being an absolute arse putting you in that position imo. If she wants to feed her child something so far out of date she should do so herself.

LazyMonkeyButler · 03/04/2013 11:51

Chances are it probably won't smell/taste right when it's cooked anyway as it's so far out of date. Therefore, you can tell mum that you cooked it but couldn't use it in complete honesty.

About 6 months is my personal maximum for expired freezer dates . Trying something yourself is also very different to feeding it to a baby - maybe mum could warm it up herself if she's hungry later?

Ruprekt · 03/04/2013 11:52

I would cook it, throw half away, probably wrapped up in bag in my bag to dispose of at home and give her something else.

Not mention it to mum. If asked, I would say she didnt love it but had lots of veg.

DoJo · 03/04/2013 12:57

I would probably try something that old myself, but don't think I would feed it to a baby of that age. I once ate an 11 year old ratatouille that my mum found in her freezer (she does clean it out, but doesn't like throwing food away) and it was fine, but I'd be a bit more wary of something with meat in it.

Ducklings45 · 03/04/2013 12:59

Tell her you fed the baby it but don't!!

crashdoll · 03/04/2013 13:18

My grandma is the most lax person in the world about this sort of thing. She keeps things forever, she has herbs and spices from the freaking 80s! So, I causually asked her. Even she said no because of the meat.

CecilyP · 03/04/2013 13:20

She is comfortably off enough to employ a nanny but too mean to throw away a 4-year old frozen pie and wants you instead to feed it to her precious baby. On that basis alone YANBU.

She sounds quite mad. It was obviously bought for another child. I am fine with handing down clothes and things, but this is ridiculous! Are there not instructions on the pack to say how long you should freeze for? I know I freeze stuff for longer than recommended - but 4 years is extreme and I would not feed that to myself, let alone a baby. Won't the freezer have been defrosted in that time and the product possibly partially defrosted and refrozen.

You could just say NO. Or if you are not feeling brave enough, follow Euphemia's advice.

youmaycallmeSSP · 03/04/2013 13:28

YANBU. I'm a bit lax with BBEs but that would go straight in the bin.

thezebrawearspurple · 03/04/2013 15:13

Throw it out and tell her you did because it is disgusting and dangerous for her baby. Point out that it would be very bad for your cv to have an ill or dead baby on your watch and it could have legal consequences so you'll have to refuse any demands which could harm the child. Then look that a mother would be so insistent to risk it.

How fucking stingy is it possible to be ffs?!!!

MrTumblesCrackWhore · 03/04/2013 15:22

Just want to say how nice it is you care so much. A childminder a friend used was exposed by her three year old charge telling her mun she and her fellow mindees had been given the same beef stew for three days running and that the meat tasted "green"

lastSplash · 03/04/2013 15:23

Chuck it out, buy the equivalent from the shop and feed baby that.

Don't mention anything more about it to the mum.

If she presses you, just admit you felt worried about giving the baby it and so bought her a fresh one with your own money.

CoffeeChocolateWine · 04/04/2013 15:51

In the mum's very limited defence, there do seem to be a few people on this thread that thought freezing was ok for an indefinite period. Maybe this mum genuinely doesn't know that there are dangers involved in giving her baby something that's been frozen that long.

You'd probably be doing her a favour by telling her that she is taking some quite serious risks by giving such old food to her baby, otherwise she might just carry on doing it.

How did it go by the way?

lotsofboats · 04/04/2013 22:29

I am sure the meal would be fine.. But I think that its is the parents risk to run, not yours. I think you are right to stand your ground.
I obviously don't know your employer but could imagine you being blamed or even sued if the child became ill with food poisoning.
I am trained by social services to work with vulnerable adults.... We live in a blame and compensation culture sadly. You have to watch your back and cover yourself in all decisions. Trust your instincts.

ChippingInIsEggceptional · 04/04/2013 22:35

What did you do?

There's no way I would have given it to the baby - what I did or told the Mum would depend on quite a number of things.

nannynick · 04/04/2013 22:42

I have had situations similar in the past, called my insurers legal helpline and a nice lawyer called me back. The lawyer agreed with me that in that event of there being an issue, such as the child getting food poisoning, the insurance would not cover me as I knowingly gave the child out of date food.

So if it occurs in future, tell the parents they can do what they like when you are not there but when you are there you can not give the child such food, as your insurance does not cover that.

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