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AIBU?

AIBU and over reacting

78 replies

InNeedOfBrandy · 31/03/2013 10:55

Quite stressed ATM anyway and trying not to take it out on the dc. Ds (5) was acting up all day yesterday, (things like dipping his green beans in his drink at the table then when I had took the water away from him 5 minutes later he was trying to sneak his drink back which if I hadn't seen would of tipped my wine everywhere) he eventually got sent to bed early as I just couldn't cope with his not listening. He broke my lamp, opened 3 more bags of crisps after I told him he could have one and stuff like that.

Anyway had a chat last night about listening to me again and what happens when he doesn't. He understands I think. Till this morning when I'm in the bath he says he's hungry can he have more cereal, well that's fine help yourself and he takes my cereal. He knows that the curiously cinnamon squares are mine and not anybody else's, he did this yesterday as well and I'm really not happy. They both choose a cereal each when they're other one runs out plus there's usually Cheerios shreddies and frostys so why the hell is he taking mine! I might be slightly unreasonable about this as after all it is only cereal but the slyness of him sneaking it has really pissed me off.

ATM I've told him I'm not happy and I'm really considering not taking him to the party we're going to later. I am also thinking about making him give me a pound out his money box? Or AIBU and over reacting over a bowl of cereal.

OP posts:

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Ediblemushrooms · 31/03/2013 11:14

oh so it's the pill, not your own parenting that's the reason for all of this?

You should still put food away so he can't help himself.

if he had eaten enough breakfast you should have siad no, you can't have any more- or wait until I am out of the bath and I'll sort.

I get the impression your 5 yr old is running around doing whatever he wants- because you are not thinking ahead enough.

Get your brain into gear!

Ediblemushrooms · 31/03/2013 11:15

then put your cereal where they can't find it. Easy.
or buy more of it if they like it more than theirs.

bluecarrot · 31/03/2013 11:17

Flip me. Poor OP!

So you all each choose one cereal each week as each individuals "treat" and when its gone, its gone. But he was sneaky and took your treat. I think that at 5 he should know better and that its ok to have your own cereal. NOt like hes eating gruel and you have something nice. Maybe helping towards replacing the cereal, but dont take away his party.

Crisps-wise, Id say the natural consequence is that he doesnt get any the next two times he would normally get them.

As for spilling the wine, Im sure it wasnt intentional. He is only 5. Maybe keep it further back, as you would a kettle of hot water.Or a precious ming vase ;)

And it sounds to me like you had a bath AFTER he had had a first serving of breakfast.

sneezecakesmum · 31/03/2013 11:18

Obviously you also need regular wine to control a 5 year old!

If this is for real you need a major shake up in you parenting skills (or lack of them)

InNeedOfBrandy · 31/03/2013 11:20

Yes blue carrot!! And I stopped him just before my wine was spilt! I know with the wine and the lamp it wasnt on purpose its just he sees something and does it without thinking.

OP posts:

bluecarrot · 31/03/2013 11:24

Ok, so maybe a wee shift in perspective might help? Try catching him doing something good and tell him you noticed :) When im stressed with DD always seeming to be up to no good, I do this (well, I try to always do it, but make EXTRA effort when its not coming naturally to me due to my mood) So, "thanks for tidying up that toy" "i noticed you were very careful lifting that glass so it didnt knock down the wine." etc.

QuickLookBusy · 31/03/2013 11:24

He's 5. He's not being very naughty.

Relax a bit and stop getting het up about things. The more you're on at him the worse his behaviour will be.

Try to have a positive day today, only give him attention when he's doing nice things, don't make a fuss about anything else. Give him lots of attention and tell him you love him.

Also have some chocolate! It's Easter.

InNeedOfBrandy · 31/03/2013 11:26

So wha would you doing it was your 5 yr old at the table dipping green beans in his water? First I told him to stop otherwise I'd take the water away, then I did take the water away when he carried on and then because he tries to take it back (and almost spilling my wine) I said he had to eat his dinner before he got it back. So tell me what else I should of done!

I fully concede I'm over reacting about the cereal but as its not a one off will be taking a pound off him.

OP posts:

Ediblemushrooms · 31/03/2013 11:27

its just he sees something and does it without thinking.

Oh FFS- this is what 5 year olds do!

What parents do is put things out of reach.

Are you really going off on one because your 5 yr old almost knocked something over at the table?

What if it had been a scalding cup of tea- all over himself? Or a pan on the stove?

Would that still be his fault for grabbing them- or yours for not putting them out of his reach?

This is not about your grumpiness- that a reaction to events.

What you need is to have more control, learn to predict what 5 yr olds will do, and act before they do them.

bluecarrot · 31/03/2013 11:27

Itll boost your mood and DS might be more inckined to be more careful/ play nicer / do batter at whatever you have praised him for. He wont make an effort if he feels he cant do anything right. And give him a hug.

InNeedOfBrandy · 31/03/2013 11:28

Xpost thank you good ideas! I need to start seeing the postitives in him.

OP posts:

Lucyellensmum95 · 31/03/2013 11:29

Its not april 1 until tomorrow - "he just sees something and does it, without thinking" hes FIVE!! YOU are supposed to be the one that thinks.

As for going to the doctor to switch pills - I do hope you are not taking the piss on this too. As someone who has to take ADs i have a bit of a sense of humour failure if i think someone is taking the piss. If you are genuine then yes, i do think talking to your GP is a good idea, get him to prescribe you some perspective.

Give him an easter egg, take him to the party - he is five!

Ediblemushrooms · 31/03/2013 11:30

TBH if he wanted to dip his beans in his water I'd have let him. as long as he still ate them. It's just experimenting. I would have gently explained it wasn't good table manners, and not something he should be doing- but there are worse things!!!

I don't understand your post- you said you threatened to take the water away then you did, then he carried on doing it. How could he if you had taken away the water?

ballstoit · 31/03/2013 11:35

YABU. Dipping green beans in his water is blatant attention seeking. Don't give it attention, and as soon as he's doing what he should be, praise him.

The cereal thing, also IMO is attention seeking, perhaps you need to review how much attention he's getting generally...if he doesn't get it by being 'good', he'll just carry on doing irritating stuff to get it instead.

Do not underestimate the power of being off school to turn an averagely behaved child a Tasmanian devil on speed either

rhondajean · 31/03/2013 11:37

Brandy I've started taking money off dd2 because she always helps herself to things she's not supposed to. For example opening bottles of fizzy juice which she knows aren't hers and not putting the top back on so it goes flat.

I don't think it's unreasonable. She understands perfectly that item is not for her, and there are plenty of options which are for her, and which she likes. I've told her and told her and she says sorry every time then does it again.

So now, I take the cost of the item from her. It's stopped her doing it. She would not go into a shop, or anyone else's house, and take something there so I don't see why I shouldn't get the same respect for my things.

The taking crisps when he was told not to would annoy me too. It's the lack of respect for teh boundaries you set and you do right to enforce them.

The green beans, meh, one of those things but when you are already wound up, it wouldn't help.

I would take him to the party - but I'd have the conversation about how he would need to promise I could trust him to behave because he hadn't been very trustworthy at home this weekend.

rhondajean · 31/03/2013 11:38

Should explain, the party would then give him a chance to behave and get some praise and positive attention from me afterwards.

Rindercella · 31/03/2013 11:39

dipping beans into his water? If that had been my 5 year old I wouldve made a joke out of it. I would definitely not be taking a pound from her piggy bank as punishment. God, she'd have no money left if that was her punishment for every little thing she did wrong.

rhondajean · 31/03/2013 11:39

Or, basically, what blue carrot said

bluecarrot · 31/03/2013 11:39

Dipping green beans in water would have been frowned upon as bad table manners in my house but since he is 5 Id have said something like "oh, green beans dont like deep water You will frighten them! They LOVE being dipped in tomato ketchup/gravy/whatever is on their plate though" Should be enough of a distraction without being shouty.

InNeedOfBrandy · 31/03/2013 11:40

I'm not taking the piss Lucy I spoke already to my gp and he switched my pill to the new Yasmin pull to see if I would stop feeling so irritated at everything.

Editable i threatened to take it away and he carried on so then I took it away. I don't need to explain table manners to him he knows already, he knew he wasn't allowed to dip food in water in the first place he's 5 not a baby and knows not to chew with his mouthful, how to use his knife and fork ect ect.

I do need to lighten up a bit don't I.

OP posts:

Ediblemushrooms · 31/03/2013 11:42

it's not that are are easily irritated- it's that you aren't anticipating and being consisent with parenting skills.

Catchingmockingbirds · 31/03/2013 11:48

we have seperate cerial in this house too, I didn't realise it was so ridiculous?

I think missing the party is a bit much but definitely a suitable punishment as it's been constant misbehaving and not listening to you for 2 days now.

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purrpurr · 31/03/2013 11:51

YANBU.

He nearly spilled your wine.
He broke your lamp.
He wasted three bags of crisps.
He disturbed your bathtime.

And worst of all:
He ate your Curiously Cinnamon squares. Srsly. I'd put him on eBay for that alone.

Sounds like you need a break and a bit of TLC OP.

anothershittynickname · 31/03/2013 12:22

ediblemushroom I think your judgy pants may be hoiked so far up you're in danger or tearing yourself a new one!

OP - I agree with the PP who sai you need a break - it's sometimes hard to get your head around realising that these little people don't think like us big ones - I'm sure that most of his actions are just general 5 yet old behaviour and not naughtiness - I think that's the best way to look at things :-)

WileyRoadRunner · 31/03/2013 12:36

he switched my pill to the new Yasmin

Uh-oh. Yasmin is well known (especially in the US) for causing big problems with mood inneedofbrandy.

I have recently discovered this as have been on it for 2 years and having been an immensely laid back person since forever have seen a big shift in my emotional well being.

Google it and definitely speak to your GP.

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