AIBU re friend with PND

[kistanbul]

A good friend has PND and is staying with her MIL so she can get help with the baby. I'm a little worried that that help may be taking the form of taking over her mothering duties completely rather than helping her to get better.

It's her first DC and she had very high expectations of all the lovely things she was going to do with her lovely new born. She says she feels too embarrassed and distressed to see anyone, inc her own family, or talk on the phone. I'm worried she may be in a slightly toxic environment.

WIBU to go to see her even though she has expressly said she doesn't want to see anyone? Does anyone have any ideas of how I can help without causing problems with he DH/MIL?

[wonderingsoul]

i think shes lucky to have a friend like you.

how close are you two? could you suggest some baby groups you could go to together?

it is very common to lock your self away when your feeling depressed.i have boats of depression, and i start to become a hermit, this is when my two very close friends "force" them self's on me, just turn up for coffee, or demand i go with them back to theirs or into town for coffee. im not saying you should do this, but i think depending on how close you are she could be thankful for it.

do you know if shes getting help via the gp for it? maybe ask if she wants you to go with her, but i think the one thing you can do is keep in touch, let her know that you are always there.

more people should have friends like you.

[Sokmonsta]

I think the only thing you can really do at the moment is maintain contact however you are doing - text, fb, 'phone. Don't push her into specifics but say it'd be lovely to meet for coffee so there is an opening for her to go out/invite you round if she wants.

It's a classic part of depression to want to shut yourself away from everything and everyone you know so as long as she is getting help specifically with pnd, she will at some point be likely to resume contact.

[kistanbul]

I don't know. It's more of a feeling based on how the MIL was during pregnancy. Nothing concrete. Perhaps I was wrong to put that in the post. I'm just worried and imagining worst case scenarios.

[SirBoobAlot]

Do you know the MIL / know how she is acting? Or is this concern with no basis at all?

Everyone copes with depression, and PND, in different ways. So unless you have indicators that being around her MIL will be more negative than positive, I'd say just be there for her when she needs you to be.