to want to start the most controversial thread ever

[slippysofa]

I guess it's cos i'm bored.

[Slippysofa]

A Nutella sandwich in the lunchbox and DS tells the school it's.....

[Slippysofa]

Personal hygiene? I see that on the AIBU homepage someone is doing a poo.

[StanleyLambchop]

But a stealth boast about being mortgage free does notch up the controversy score, so well done for mentioning it. Now, are there any more subjects we have not covered yet- how about packed lunch inspections by the school- that is always worth a good debate!!

[Slippysofa]

This is someone elses's thread, stanley ..... I assure you, I do have a mortgage!

[StanleyLambchop]

Slippy- Mortgage free- is that a stealth boast? That is an actual no-no on MN.

[slippysofa]

But how big is your house? I have a lovely house but what sort of house do YOU live in? Is my beautiful house in a lovely location ( mortgage free) suitable for the children I don't even have yet?

[Timeforabiscuit]

I'm redecorating and wallpapering a feature wall, should I post a picture of the sample of vair expensive paper only for people to remark that it looks like a damp patch.

Do I get a brown leather sofa ?

Laminate or Lino ?

[Creamtea1]

You've forgotten a recent fave-

Entitled old people/PIL etc

And an oldy -
Hungry catepillar BLW buffet

[elQuintoConyo]

EarlyInTheMorning yes, it is. It means 'to be stuck in the middle of nowhere/the arse-end of nowhere'.

In context:
"We got lost and ran out of petrol in el quinto conyo."

It means 'the fifth cunt'.
Conyo should end with an 'n' with a wiggly wave on top, rather than 'yo', but mn couldn't recognise it!

[FlowersBlown]

You are a disgusting excuse for a human being. That poor dog. It ate the baby because you left it lying around. Of course it will do that. Poor, poor dog.

[fancyabakeoff]

I'm fat and I eat, wait for it............................................SALAD.

[EarlyInTheMorning]

elQuintoConyo, is your name rude?

[slippysofa]

OK. Who is going to kill the pet rabbit? Or do I have to do everything myself round here? flounces off in a huff

[persimmon]

What about people who call their kids non-traditional names? They make me physically ill. The names and the people.

[slippysofa]

Stop flaming me! Stop flaming me! I am going to report you all for tolling.

[bamboozled]

Haha, taking it to a whole new level!

[StanleyLambchop]

Sash- Your plans sound divine dearie, but can I make a few sugestions for an even better day (although it is totally your right to be a bridezilla because its your day, innit)

1. You need to be dressed in a onesie- so do all the guests.
   
2. Facebook a rude message to your selfish Bro in NZ, telling him as he wont come to your wedding then you will be forced to grass him up about the ahem, unfortunate incident with the porcupine and a Big Mac in 1987.
   
3. There needs to be a panda in there somewhere- maybe it could be fitted in as best man?
   
4. You need a white van driver to park his van across three disabled spaces, just to keep them free for the post-wedding break dancing.
   
5. All your MIL' s need to be there, just so that they can tut and say that you were not what they hoped for as the mother of their Grandchildren.
   6)Have you asked George Osborne if he is free to conduct the ceremony- and be available for shagging duties during the reception.
   
6. No one wearing Boden clothes should be allowed anywhere near the proceedings.
   
7. Is the goat a good idea? Will you have to hire a nanny to look after it (see what I did there!) Then other people with goats might feel offended if they can't bring theirs along, it is an etiquette minefield!
   
   Finally- have you thought of having a really expensive hen night, costing say £5000 per person, and insist that all your friends/neighbours/ aquaintences/nail artist/hairdresser/ driver of the no.47 bus must attend? You need to go somewhere dead classy- lots of bars and people being sick, that kind of thing. Then find a stag to shag- well it will be your last chance for a whille as your groom is bound to be arrested for brawling during the ceremony and be sent down for a long stretch.
   
   Have a good one luv, cos its your day, unmumsnetty hugs xxx

[Poppet48]

DS was invited to a birthday party, There is no way I was going to leave DS2 with MIL stupid old cow. So, we arrived at the party the host said 'I didn't know DS2 was coming!' What does she expect me to do? Palm him off on family while PFB gets to go to a party? twat. Anyway, I obviously stayed at the party as DS is only 11 and DS2 is 10 and the host said that there wasn't enough food for DS2!!! So I told her to run down the chippy and pick him up some fish and chips whilst telling the mum next to me how unorganised the host was for not having enough food. Then, at the end of the party DS2 lines up for a party bag and she said that she didn't made him one!! So I had an extremely upset DS2 all night due to this mums lack of compassion. AIBU? I know I'm not but I just needed to rant!!!!!

[elQuintoConyo]

I am up with an inconsiderate ds, aibu to give him babyrice to get him to sleep? He's two weeks old. I'll put him in his pram in the garden in the fresh air.

[sashh]

YABU

I'm getting married in a disabled parking space with my goat as ring bearer. (we bought the diamond from a cheery little boy who had dug it up himself when we were on holiday last year - how sweet)

My oldest 5 and their dads are invited (well not the one in prison) but not the younger ones.

My mother is complaining that I want her to look after the younger two children instead of coming to the wedding, but this is a child free wedding (apart from the aforementioned older dc).

I've told her she can watch via Skype on the 66" TV she bought with her winter fuel money. But no, off she goes complaining, and she wants to give me a tatty old book for a present!

Anyway someone needs to hear them read those boring school books.

If all of that wasn't enough my brother is refusing to fly in from New Zealand because

a) he has just acquired a cat

and

b) he is only invited to the evening do, AIBU to think if isn't flying in then he could give me the money saved as a present?

Anyway, he has the most awful habit with toilet rols, he neither folds nor scrunches, he just pulls it between his legs until it runs clean.

After the wedding having a hog roast in the parent and child spaces, now some of DPs relatives are vegetarian, but they will just have to eat hog on the day that's not unreasonable is it?

For the evening we are having greggs sausage rolls and fruit shoots.

We didn't want to offend anyone by asking for money so instead we are doing the greek/italian thing with a money dance. I've mentioned the dance in the invites and put a suggested price

Parents £500 - £1000
siblings £500
other relatives £200
friends £100

does that sound OK or should I suggest bigger amounts? Most are on benefits so they ca afford it.

[slippysofa]

And don't forget the Nazis.

Oh dear, I must go to bed. Ladies, it's been a pleasure. AIBU to want some sleep?

Sleep!!! OMG, we missed this one.

[bamboozled]

Wielding a toilet brush eating leftover cake

[bamboozled]

In a playbarn with a magazine reading nanny in charge..

[slippysofa]

Dogs AND pandas. Dressed in onesies and taken to Lakeside on a lead.

[StanleyLambchop]

Ok, on to Pandas now. Leave to extinction or not?

I am determined to get as many controversial subjects as possible into your thread!!