for not helping her when she was really ill and screaming?

[ariane5]

This is a long story sorry.

I currently go to my mums house every day as dcs all unwell and my mum lives near dcs school and helps me, as does my sister.
I don't drive so can't manage to get dcs about by bus etc due to their health problems.

My sister has epilepsy and when she is well she helps me a lot (esp since my dd2 was diagnosed diabetic in dec).when she herself is ill I am there so I help her which means my mum doesn't have to leave work.
The thing is she has a lot of absence seizures and she screams, cries out, goes rigid and doesn't know where she is, she also swears a LOT during them which is not nice for dcs to hear.
She wants somebody to hold her hand till it passes which I try to do but its so difficult as often she is upstairs so I have to leave dcs downstairs and she then won't let go of me and I worry if dcs are ok. I dread it when the call goes up she suddenly screams out and I have to run to her.

Today I heard her and my heart sank-I know its not her fault, she was probably scared but I didn't go up to her, I took dd1 dd2 and ds2 into the kitchen so they didn't hear and ten mins later I checked her to see she was ok and pretended I didn't hear.

Don't get me wrong, I love my sister but the baby gets scared or he cries then in her confused state it makes dsis jump and she gets more confused or she swears then dd2 copies and its horrible.

I feel so so bad for ignoring somebody who was screaming for help.

[dopeysheep]

Gosh I would def notch her insulin down a bit. Hypos feel horrible and daily is too much. Also they make sugars yo yo because here is often a spike after a hypo. Personally I would rather run a bit too high but steady rather than have lots of hypos. Especially at the start when you are jyst getting to grips with everything.

[dopeysheep]

Diabetes U.K has a good forum for advice?

[IShallWearMidnight]

ariane5 - have I talked to you about you DDs POTS? I think I may have done? If not, PM me as DD2 is gradually getting hers under control (or at least noticing the triggers a bit more).

[ariane5]

Thanks dopeysheep I will have a look. Def need to change something dd2 high sugars 2 hrs after brek but within an hour (even with a snack) it plummets. I'm at my wits end she was shaking and getting angry today refusing the juice as she felt so bad. Its one of those days

[ariane5]

I can't rem if have spoken to you (so busy I forget everything!). Will pm later as can't do it on phone for some reason??

We were told more fluid and salt on food but so far its no better.

[dopeysheep]

Hmmm - maybe split her brekkie into two smaller meals, try and spread out the food a bit?
Maybe give a snack a couple of hours after breakfast before the hypo strikes?
I know you can meters that constantly monitor sugars and give an indication of whether sugars are rising or falling but not sure if they are suitable for small children or if you can get them on the NHS?
But I would def go down the little and often route to try and avoid hypos. Bananas are good I find, I love them cut up in Greek yoghurt with a bit of honey, mmmm. Or crackers or a digestive biscuit?

[OHforDUCKScake]

YANBU, you were stuck between a rock and a hard place. No way would I leave a 3yo and 11 month old down stairs alone, whether an ill 11 yo be with them or not.

Especially if they are crying and scared of the noises.

However, it would BU to continue to do it. Something has to change.

[Samvet]

Op your sisters epilepsy seems very poorly controlled, presumably she is disabled by this and can't work, wouldn't she qualify for some type of help / care? Are her neurologists happy with how much she is fitting?

[ariane5]

Yes dsis cannot work. My mum came back for her lunch hour, checked dsis who was unwell begged her not to leave her so my mum asked dd1 to sit and hold dsis hand for a bit (she is quiet just confused and tearful) so she could get back to work.

My mum is working late and as I will be unable to leave dsis to pick ds1 up my mum will collect him and bring him home later with her as she works at same school, so in a way we do all help each other but its not easy.

I wish there was other help for dsis but no idea what's available and also she has problems accepting her condition and would not want a 'stranger' caring for her she either wants me our mum or her bf.

[Floggingmolly]

You went there to be available to help, yet refused to help when it was actually needed because it would upset your children?
Have you omitted a paragraph, by any chance, because it makes no sense?
Oh, and do let your mum know what your "help" consists of, so she can make other arrangements.

[FabOeufsFromLaChocolateries]

at FloggingOP

[StanleyLambchop]

I wish there was other help for dsis but no idea what's available and also she has problems accepting her condition and would not want a 'stranger' caring for her she either wants me our mum or her bf.

I am sorry but she is being unreasonable about this. You cannot provide that care and get on with your own lives/jobs/family, then she will have to accept something else. You have children with medical problems too- her 'wants' do not trump their needs. If getting outside help is a better solution for all of you, then she will have to accept it. She is an adult, after all.

[ariane5]

I went there to help, which I have done EVERY single time up untill this morning when dcs needed me too and I couldn't help everybody.

If I could have helped I would have-I am still here now checking on her all the time and it wasn't a case of not wanting dcs just upset there are other factors too if you read the whole thread.

[3littlefrogs]

OP please ignore floggingmolly; she has obviously not read the thread.

I think you should ask to get this thread moved from AIBU. You need wise and informed advice and help, not unhelpful criticism.

You desperatley need professional help and your family memebers all need to recognise that.

[JeeanieYuss]

Sorry, but it sounds like excuses why you left you left your sister on her own.

YABU. Your poor sister..

[3littlefrogs]

I can't believe the level of ignorance of some posters regarding the risks attached to severe hypoglycaemia in a diabetic 3 year old.

[FabOeufsFromLaChocolateries]

Or the level of ignorance about not being a bastard to an OP who is struggling

[ariane5]

I just couldn't do it today- dd2 was due her blood sugar check , the baby was crying and I know that makes dsis worse when ill and dd1 not well, I didn't leave the house I just couldn't go up and sit with her AND look after dcs it just seemed that things went wrong for everybody at same time so I took dcs to kitchen checked dd2 before going to check dsis.

It wasn't 'just an excuse' I am here every day and have managed to help her every other time.

[3littlefrogs]

Indeed. OP please get this moved to somewhere like special needs/disabilities where you will get more understanding and support.

I think you just have to report your own post and MNHQ will move it.

You really don't need people making you feel worse.

It is horrible trying to care for too many people and not being able to do it properly.

[OTTMummA]

You can not do this anymore op, god forbid if something happened to your 3yr old if she hypo'd whilst you were stuck with your sister.

From the looks of things you have more responsibilities than your mum and sisters boyfriend, you have to find out what other help you can get, even if it's for respite. Your sister is being v unreasonable to expect you to neglect your children for her, or are your children's illnesses not as important to anyone else?

[ariane5]

I feel so bad I just don't know anymore how to manage or to cope. I have posted before about things but it just gets worse.every time things look like they are improving something else goes wrong.

I do not have enough time or energy or the capability to help everybody. I am utterly exhausted and now feel like a total bitch for leaving my sister alone but I had to make an instant decision who to help.

[StaticSockMonster]

YABU yes.
I have read the entire post.
If you cannot cope, then don't say you can help.
I agree that children come first but if you are there for your sister as well - and you cannot be available when she needs you - do not offer your help.

If your 11 year old is off school because she is poorly, why is she expected to sit and comfort your sister when she should be being looked after or curled up with a blanket.
Why didn't you tell your mum when she was home that you could not cope? Why did you let her walk away again? Why did you allow her to make your daughter sit with her?
If your daughter can't care for your other DC while you are upstairs, why can she be left caring for someone who could possibly lash out and hurt her?

This has made me quite cross really. You left your sister helpless, shouting etc in pain? You didn't just leave her - you ignored her. You ignored her cries for help.
She could have died - could you live with yourself if that happened while she was in your care? I suspect not.
Get some help.
Don't pretend you can help when you clearly are not able to juggle so many things.

[OTTMummA]

If she is this disabled is she claiming DLA?
If she is then she could use it for care she needs, is she ever left alone? If so how does she cope?

[FabOeufsFromLaChocolateries]

You should contact social work for an assessment.

[ariane5]

I don't think dsis wants my dcs to be put at risk because of her, she adores them but I don't think she rtealises how hard it is to care for them and her.

Sometimes I wish her bf would do more, if he phones her and she's ill or doesn't answer he will text me to check her/rake her medicine etc and I sometimes wish he would actually just come and help but I know he has to work.

My mum and sister do help me too, for which I am grateful, but I seem to be unlucky and end up alone on the bad days.

Dcs are all quiet now and dsis asleep so its a bit more peaceful here. I always feel on 'red alert' though its so stressful