To think it's awful the way some people try to justify their children being overweight

[Tulahoob]

by saying they just "are tall and big boned" or that they "like their food". And by thinking it's almost a good thing that they're big!

I know two people with overweight children. Person 1 has 4 extremely overweight children. The parents are both tall and overweight, and the kids are all fairly tall, but the mum justifies them being big by saying 'They're just tall and they like their food'. It's clear they like their food, but they're not giants, and regardless of height they are all very overweight. The mum is almost proud of the fact that her children never stop eating. It's quite odd really; she's setting them up for a lifetime of having the piss taken out of them and a lifetime of bad eating habits and potentially bad health. Her eldest child even came came out as overweight on those weight/height ratio tests they do in reception year and she was proud of it because it meant he is tall and loves his food.

Person 2 has one son, who is again extremely overweight and is getting called names at school such as "Fatty". He is 7. She is up in arms about the mickey taking but insists he isn't fat, but that he just loves his food. Again, she is setting him up for the same problems that person one is setting their kids up for.

I know we are all blinkered where our kids are concerned. But surely over something like this some people can see that their children really are overweight?

I think with weetabix - why not just give 2 weetabix, then offer toast or banana?
DD1 tends to have a big bowl of weetabix/bran flakes, for breakfast while the other two like boiled eggs and soldiers followed by an apple and a glass of milk, sometimes toast and peanut butter or scrambled egg.

I'd try to offer different things at breakfast just to get a balance of nutrients.

I agree that the "finish your plate" thing is harmful (and I don't enforce it although the spectre of my mother hovers over my shoulder with terrifying disapproval as I throw away substantial remains of my completely unpredictable dcs' meals), but to some extent I think it is a bit of a red herring, as it used to be standard practice, but sadly the fattitude problem is very suddenly getting very much worse. I think we should be looking at something that has actually changed.
Yes I think people offer snacks a lot more.
I think there is a lot more advertising and a bigger focus on food and consumption generally
I think that food is relatively cheaper (people who struggle to pay the rent / mortgage, gas, electricity, council tax, transport, can almost always find 75p for a packet of biscuits)
I think it's about snacking, and the culture of individual eating that is connected to that. Meals served to groups at the table (whether at school, to the whole family at home, whatever group applies in any situation) are necessarily limited. Someone has cooked it, there is a certain amount to go around (because it was made out of raw food that is not edible in itself and you might not even have access to it), afterwards food-time will be over. If you don't like it, you eat less and hope it will be your favourite tomorrow. If everyone loves it, you have to share out the last bit. Now it always seems to be food-time. If people worked shorter hours, and the adults in families had time to eat together and to cook for those meals, yes the food might be "healthier" (though too much of anything is fattening) but more importantly there would be a cultural code that people eat at mealtimes and not otherwise; they fit in with each other.

This the kind of thing I don't understand- isnt peanutbutter really fattening? Not criticising at all, it's just I read all of these toddler snack suggestions on mn and its stuff like peanutbutter, cream cheese and butter and I would be too scared to give my toddler something like that due to my worries about wright.

my DD doesn't eat weetabix at all but we have the same with other things. As far as we can tell when she says she is hungry she is. If you say no more of thing X then she will transfer demands to something else. When she is full there is no point even asking if she will have something else...

I only even ask when she basically hasn't eaten all day but if she doesn't want to eat then she doesn't.

And when she does she really does and cannot be distracted from the goal.

So given I have to go to bed feeling hungry in order to not gain weight, and it is likely that my DD will be similar...at what point am I supposed to start sending her to bed hungry to avoid the charge of child abuse?

Weight,not wright!

Peanut butter is very nutritious. I buy the low sugar 'whole earth' variety and it goes onto toast without butter. DD2 and DD3 may have a couple of small pieces of toast with it and because it contains alot of fat, it is quite satisfying and sustaining throughout the morning. Breaktime snack is an apple and then it's a school lunch.

But I wouldn't then give DD2 more peanut butter toast as a snack on that day. The following day she will have boiled egg and soldiers. It's all about balance.

I used to take my kids to a certain cafe every Tuesday tea time (due to having an activity nearby) and every week a woman took her children to eat there. All three were obese. Her kids all had: ham & cheese toasties, fruit juice, bag of crisps, chocolate muffin or chocolate brownie, hot chocolate with cream every week. I would personally have fallen asleep with digestion issues had I eaten such a calorific meal.

Wossname, fatty foods like peanut butter and cream cheese carry more calories per volume than lower fat foods, but some people (like me!) will consumer fewer calories over time on these foods because low fat foods make me so terribly terribly hungry.
So: one slice of ryvita with low fat spread contains fewer calories than one oatcake with peanut butter.
but the person who ate the ryvita with low fat spread will very likely get terrible hunger pangs sooner and over the day eat more. and possibly "worse" food, because what is available as snacks tends to be less nutritious than the foods available at mealtimes.
Also, children do need fat, so it's not just about calorie load but about the absolute need for children to eat certain nutrients that are only contained in fats.

This is why my dh recommends 3 almonds and 2 walnuts for supper.... one additional slither of ham if ravenous.... (I kid you not)

DD (11) is overweight. I wish it was because she eats crap. Then we could do something about it. But she doesn't. She eats normal portions of exactly the same healthy, homemade food as me, DH and DS (13) (all healthy weights). I have absolutely no idea why she's the weight she is. I wish I knew.

I'm sure people judge me. I don't care. And I still judge parents of overweight kids when I know they feed them crap all the time.

My 2 girls both have the same mother - me - and same father- DH - and are given exactly the same things and quantities to eat and do 4 hours of Karate a week - and yet are totally different body shapes - one is underweight, and the other is average (totally - on the 50th centile) - yet people say -"oh she (DD1) must like her food" or "oh, don't you feed her (DD2) then" when they are together....

So I really can't win as a parent - should I feed more or less? should I differentiate meals? Or should I just tell them all to P off.....

wossname toddlers need some fattening foods. I feel quite concerned reading you saying that you are too scared to let your child eat peanut butter, cream cheese or butter because of your issues about weight. You do run the risk of creating a whole different set of issues with food there. The key is - a balanced diet, ie fatty food is fine for small kids but not at every meal every day. A low fat diet is not recommended for small children.

Young children need fat in their diets. They are making myelin (a fatty sheath for nerves) and cannot do this without fat. Fat is not the enemy. Mass produced crap, sugar, empty foods and a lack of fruit and vegetables are the enemy.

My DD (2) eats like a horse but it is fruit and vegetables with good protein and complex carbs and, yes, fats. No food is banned as such but we don't have biscuits, juice, sweets or crisps in the house so she doesn't get them here.

Fat in foods does not necessarily turn into fat in the body . It is refined carbohydrates and sugary food that make you fat. And white bread is full of all kinds of crap too. Doing exercise a couple of times a week is good in that it keeps you healthy but will have little effect on your weight. You need to keep active all day long. Unfortunately the older children get the more time they spend sitting at desks in school so can pile on weight if their diet is unhealthy or their portion sizes are too big or they aren't encouraged to play out when they get home from school.

"ham & cheese toasties, fruit juice, bag of crisps, chocolate muffin or chocolate brownie, hot chocolate with cream every week"

Ha ha. sounds like a mid morning snack, in our house.

Curryeater..... I do think it is a relatively recent thing though for there to be enough food on the plate to ne problematic. In times past there was a lot less food available so no child had to be told 'finish your plate' as chances were they were hungry and there wasn't much food on the plate, and certainly no chance of extra if the plate was cleared. By the time I was growing up there was more food available and portions were getting bigger, children were being served more food than they needed and being forced to clear the lot.

Youre right, BalloonSlayer, completely right. I have 2 settings with food, binge and diet. I give my toddler lots of fruit, veg, fish and chicken breast, etc but I am not 'trained' to have a balanced diet and am obviously starting her off down the same road. Lots to think about here for me. I love her more than anything and am just frightened of her being like me, but it seems I am going about it in completely the wrong way.

Its a tough one. Do I bother to try to give you all a little tiny shake and say "doh! wake up - OP is simply airing her prejudices and enjoying other people enabling her attitude"?

Well I've started now so I will finish. I don't know anyone nor have never met anyone who thinks its great their children are overweight. But I do know a lot of people who feel they have no choice but to try and justify what their children look like to people like Tulahoob who says she is only trying to enjoy a little stare and a point at fat people who don't apologise for their fat children. Oh, so that's alright then!! For a moment I thought she was judging other people, and then when anyone else dared to say 'oh I'm not sure that's fair' OP suddenly becomes the poor victim - "I'm only saying ...." opines Tulahoob, bottom lip wobbling.

Of course, I am not as perfect as the OP. You can tell that from my tone. When my children were born, small babies still wearing 6 month old baby clothes at a year etc., I thought I was on to a winner. I'll restrict their food, I thought, and they will never become fat like me. Clearly I am fat because I am a lesser person. But they are not, they are epic, and if I stop them eating foods that are high fat/high sugar etc., all will be well. And all was well. I stupidly felt relieved that they did not turn out like me. When eldest DD got to age 9 still slim I could have literally punched the air with joy, their restricted intake was working!! Never mind they had to sit and watch other kids eat crisps and cakes etc., no darling we don't have sugary drinks, we don't have sweets etc. Then second DD got to 6, I could see my plan wasn't working. Both remained small, DD1 aged 11 is now the size of an average 8 year old, but when I compared their weights to "ideal" charts, they were no longer ideal. a pound or two over, then a kilo, then 2 kilos.

GP despatched us to the dietician and we sat before her, just as my mum had sat with me, same age, different hospital. Surely Tulahoob this medical person will tell me the error of my fat ways? She looked at DDs food charts, looked at height and weight in their red books from birth to present and said "there is nothing I can do, you know all the right things to do, they eat healthy home cooked food, and your GP shouldn't have sent you to me." and so we were left dangling, with DD2 in particular getting bigger and my constant battle to continue with the "restricted eating" policy. So there you are. That's my story. All an excuse I am sure eh?

Do you remember not so many years ago there used to be a jokey way of saying "Oh I don't like black people" and then noticing a black person within earshot they would say "OH No, I didn't mean you!! You're alright, its the others I'm talking about ...."

Are you talking about the other fat kids Tulahoob? Oh well, that's ok then.

OP YANBU. People use all sorts of reasons to justify their neglect of their children which has resulted in obesity.

I agree with the comments made about snacking. People seem to be encouraged to have their kids eating all the time. Even the "healthy snacks" we're supposed to give like raisins, fruit, breadsticks etc. are just carbs and sugar. Children that are asking for snacks one hour after a meal aren't hungry, they've just got used to eating all the time. I'm afraid I favour the French approach. It won't kill a 3 year old to feel a bit peckish for an hour before their tea. On the contrary, they'll eat a good meal and everyone's happy.

A dietician wasn't able to give you any information about portion size or exercise for your overweight children?

BurningBridges that was really rude and uncalled for. I'm not even going to lower myself to defend myself to you as you've read all kinds of things into my post that weren't there.

I think people do worry too much about what they eat and then everything to do with food becomes emotionally charged and people pass on this obsession with food to their children. If you are constantly dieting yourself then you begin to see sweets and cakes as comforting and healthy food as a punishment and can feel like you want to treat your children because you know they will enjoy it but then feel guilty when you do. Also, if you restrict the amount if food a child has and they actually are still hungry after a meal (and not just wanting food out of boredom) then they will feel like they are being punished in some way and will develop an unhealthy attitude towards food.

If you give your kids a healthy balanced diet then you shouldn't need to starve them at all. You just need to avoid bad habits like snacks because of boredom and giving treats to control kids or keep them occupied and make sure that ALL meals involve a good portion of veg or salad to fill them up. And again, just because it's home cooked doesn't mean it's healthy.

Sometimes I think it's healthier to be slightly fatter and have a good diet than be skinny and have a very poor diet. My nephew was a big baby, a fairly tubby toddler and has evened out as he's grown upwards. He eats a very varied and healthy diet, would eat anything including most fruit and veg, lobster, curries etc.

On the other hand, I have a four year old DD who is skinny and not very interested in food at all. She is fussy and getting her to eat/ try new things is very difficult. She must be ok as she's fairly healthy but sometimes I worry about her diet.

I think I'd prefer that she was more like my nephew.

hmm no one seems to have answered the question regarding when you stop being led by child demand and start dictating what they eat and how much....or even that dictating what they eat actually is the way forward for life long healthy eating....

Does any one actually have an solutions to the problems or is burningbridges correct in labelling this a pointing and staring exercise?