'If I wasn't pregnant, Killing myself would be very tempting'

[Cunninglinguist03]

I have posted about this before but I have never felt this devastated and upset, I really need your help.

Fiancé left me 11 weeks ago, Leaving me with my DS and pregnant. It was completely unexpected and the baby was planned and very much wanted.

My feelings have got progressively worse and they are getting worse everyday, I am heartbroken and devastated. I can't sleep at night, I can't spend a day without breaking down crying and I can't get him out of my head.

This may seem too OTT but I can honestly say that I am a wreck and just want him back.

I have had to move in with my parents, I have no income, I lost my car because I sold mine to pay for a move whilst we were together and I am scared of what the future holds as my life has been turned upside down.

I beg you for advice, I know that I am never going to get over him and I don't want anyone else but him.

I love my DS and this baby but my heart has been shattered.

I just want him back :( Please help me.

Good luck at the midwife. Please tell her everything, including the suicidal feelings, and don't be tempted to try and put a brave face on it. Write it down before you go so you don't forget anything.

Keep cuddling your DS and hope things look up soon.

Two years away is nowhere near long enough to have genuinely lost touch. Yoy'll most likely find that old friends are delighted to see you again.
You are going to be ok, OP.

Take it one tiny step at a time Cunninglinguist03 - don't jump ahead in your thoughts to the future - focus on the here and now. The end of a relationship, especially when it ends as yours has, is very like a bereavement. You need time to 'grieve'. You have a wonderful opportunity to make new connections through your older child by going to mother and toddler groups, they can be an absolute lifeline. It will take time - but it can become better - it really, truly can.

I am so sorry that this has happened to you and that your parents are being spectacularly unhelpful in an emotional sense.

It will take you a while to "Get over it" but you will get there, I promise.

Meanwhile I second everything everyone else has said in terms of midwife and counselling support. You need an emotional safety net, and sooner rather than later. Your GP should be able to refer you to counselling support and it will be either free or low fee.

That is the first priority, then when you are feeling stronger you can look at finances and housing. If your parents are more practically minded and want something constructive to do to help perhaps they could assist you with this, ie looking up resources on internet, visiting CAB, obtaining the relevant forms and paperwork for benefits, etc?

But while this is all being arranged please keep posting here for support. We are all behind you. The 'relationships' board is fabulous too for specific advice and support.

Keep well and chin up girl, you can do it. And I know it doesn't seem like it now but you are better off without him. X

I wanted to post to offer support and also share my experience.

When my DD was only 10 months old my partner went off to work and never came home.

My DS was only 8 years old at the time and is disabled and I'd had a terrible birth with DD and was struggling to come to terms with that and also have severe PND. I felt everything was too much to cope with alone.

I cried every night staring at the empty place in my bed where he should have been.

He told me he hadn't loved me for the past two years.

I read old e-mails we'd sent each other wondering why didn't I notice that something was wrong.

It hurt so much knowing that he was at DD's birth, feeling no love for me and that throughout my pregnancy and the first 10 months of DD's life he didn't love me.

I didn't want to be a single Mum, I didn't want to cope alone. All I wanted was him back in my life.

It was a very tough, miserable time. I often thought of suicide and I believe I'd have attempted it had it not been for my two children who needed me.

Fast forward three years and I'm now so happy he's gone! I've made lots of new friends and experienced a lot of new things which would never have happened if I was still stuck with him.

He'd been a hopeless father for the first 10 months of DD's life and had not lifted a finger to help care for her, instead choosing to play on computer games all day long. He was a typical Mummys boy who couldn't cook, clean or do the laundry and had no intention of learning how to do so.

Sometimes it's so easy to be blinded by love.

I promise you that in a few years you'll be the same as me and wondering why you were even with him in the first place, but for now take care of yourself. Surround yourself with friends and family and accept any offer of help you can. Remain strong for your children.

I found a very synpathetic GP who I saw fortnightly and who referred me for counselling which really helped but unfortunately the only thing that really helps is time. Time is a great healer, it's true.

You will get through this and you will come through the other side a stronger person than you could ever have imagined.

It's funny isn't it, blueballoon. It doesn't matter how desperate you feel in those early days, or how long those days last, ultimately, we all realise we're ok and better off without them.

Definitely folkgirl. Many people told me this in the beginning but I didn't believe them. I thought it was just something they were saying to try and cheer me up. They were right though.

I'd love to go back three years and give myself a good shake! He REALLY wasn't worth all the tears and upset!