Just wondered over to the G&T section

[BlipbipBeep]

Had an interesting first parent teacher session with DS2's nursery teacher (he is three) She thinks he is very bright and now I am very proud . So I thought, what the heck? lets have a look and see what the G&Ts talk about (I used to think it stood for gin and tonic, clearly he doesn't get his brains from me).

Ooops :) I am just never going to be that sort of parent. DS loves learning, I know that, but to me he is just a normal little boy. Am I really stunting his potential by not being super mum?

[RosyRoo]

My experience is similar to Machadaynu's. I managed to get through GCSEs and A levels, and into a good university, by doing very little work and by choosing the subjects I found easiest. At university this approach didn't cut it and I didn't do as well as I could have. Since then I haven't achieved anything. I got into the habit of thinking that success would be handed to me on a plate, and didn't try at anything. I'm not above average intelligence though. I think I just found school exams quite easy.

[TwinTum]

Non-stealth boast coming up...

I don't think it is always true that a child who is not challenged at a young age ends up cruising forever more. I was identified as very bright but my primary school acknowledged to my parents that they could not challenge me. I ended up with straight As at O and A level and a first from Oxford (and a very good career). I really enjoyed primary school and do not recall feelings of boredom. AI lived in a grammar school area in the days before tutoring, so did have more of a challenge at that level (although i did not find o levels difficult so suspect i did cruise up to at least age 16). I was able to stop the cruising when needed though.

My brother, on the other hand, was very similar at primary school and I suspect cruised all through senior school (straight As at A level etc). I think University was more of a challenge for him, and although he ended up with a 2:1 from Cambridge, he has really struggled in his working life. He veers between jobs that are the right level for him ability wise, but which he finds too stressful (possibly because he had never needed to get into good working habits), and jobs which are too "easy" for him which end up boring him.

Clearly not everyone reacts the same way.

[Machadaynu]

TwinTum - I think it's the whole school life that is important - you're only 11 when you go to secondary, which is still young. A friend from my junior school who was also 'clever' went to a private grammar school at 11 whereas I went to a state school. Although I was in the top set, I was with people from my junior school who I'd considered to be very average - I didn't know then that my junior school was one of the better ones, of course. The friend who went to the (fee paying grammar) is now doing something complicated with String Theory, whereas I'm more like your brother (apart from the results, AABE at A-level and a 2:2 from a Russell Group uni for me, although I was sent on the open day to Cambridge)

You're very lucky you could turn it off and on. I'm nearer 40 than I would like and am now really battling to make something of myself - and here I am chatting on MN rather than doing some work!

[Pagwatch]

I think there are boasty people with smart kids who want to bang on about it.
I think there are parents struggling with issues thrown up by having a very smart child who want to talk about it.
I am not sure you can wander/wonder into G&T and decide they are all the former and then start a thread about it without being at least a bit goady.

Give me a good 'my foetus is learning Japanese' thread and I will chuckle along. But not sure this works.

[FunnysInLaJardin]

OP to answer your question will you stunt his potential, no I don't think you will. I think it is counter productive with many children to push and push them. I have known a good handful of very bright children who just couldn't cope with that kind of pressure, my sister included. They have all gone on to under achieve (if you count the only kind of achieving worth having as academic) and some to have mental health problems.

I think the best way is to support and encourage and leave those who want to be tiger mothers to get on with it!

And I know just what you mean about some who hang about the G&T boards. I find them scary

[Moominsarehippos]

Its not gin and tonic? Shame.

I was 'gifted' at school for all anyone cared. It did me no favours!

[Machadaynu]

Who is suggesting G&T kids be pushed more than any other kid?

That's all I want for my kid - that she be pushed/stretched/challenged (call it what you will) as much as any other kid - and that would be true if she was brain-damaged, average or Marilyn vos Savant.

I think a lot of posters in G&T want that too, and wonder how to go about it.

Another common issue with G&T kids is asynchronous development - where they are physically and emotionally one age, but intellectually another.

[lljkk]

YABU to make me start craving a gin & tonic.

[BlipbipBeep]

Sorry RL got in the way there for a few hours.

I'm not sure how to rejoin the thread except to say that I never intended a goad at G&T just to say that I'm not one of them.

I personally do not think that by allowing my sons to develop at their own pace I am handicapping their future progress. I always encourage work and enthusiasm for their projects but I try not to put any emphasis on intelligence/cleverness. I tend towards benign neglectful parenting and I don't really feel the need to change but I understand and appreciate that others disagree with me.

I was not G&T, sadly my dyslexia got in the way a bit

[BlipbipBeep]

actually I did when I read that back - that sort of parent is a bit of a mean thing to say, sorry.

[Pagwatch]

I agree with Beer.

I am pretty sure I have posted on G&T several times. I am not pushy and one of my dc has severe SN.

It's not a clique or a fixed population.
If you feel the section may related to your family, all the more reason to consider using it and maybe provide another view. Perhaps go and ask some questions about your son and see if people give you one response or a range?

[LiegeAndLief]

I was a gifted child. Straight As, first class degree... and then a pretty normal life with a pretty normal job and a 3 bed semi. I'll be very proud if my kids turn out to be bright and do well in school but I'm not sure it's the be all and end all.

[NumericalMum]

I was never pushed. I completed an extremely challenging degree and professional qualification. I thank my parents wholeheartedly for not pushing me!