to be worried about a friend of my DD’s?

[Greenkit]

My DD is 16 and goes to college with another young girl of 17, I shall call Sally. Sally has told my DD that she is going out with a man of 34, this man has an ex partner and a child of 11yrs, he has a flat and she stays there occasionally. She has known of him for a year, but they have been dating for two months, they split briefly as he didn?t like her texting him all the time, but after a week asked her back out again.

My DD has told her she is silly for seeing a man so much older than her, but Sally says boys of her own age are so immature. My husband has told me that sometimes men get together to rent a flat and then they all share it using it as their ?address? but are really still married?.

AIBU to feel uneasy, should I mind my own business, it just doesn?t sit right

She has just turned 17, and met him a year ago

Good idea about the tutor. They are doing a childcare course, maybe she could bring something in about inaproprate relationships?

Yes daughter is getting info direct from the girl.

It just feels wrong, i know its legal, but I would be horrified if it was my daughter.

I do agree though that a lot of boys 17-20 are very immature.

If he was 19-25 then it would seem so bad, but 48 it just feels yuck

Wouldnt

I was in the first situation - I lived with a with a man who was 36 when I was 17. It wasn't ideal and I was clearly seeking a father figure (although there was no way you could have told me that at the time). The fact he's 48 (and lied about it) does make it feel more ick, but actually, makes no different. If he is 'too old' for her at 34, he is too old for her at 48.

I don't think you'll be able to do anything about it, apart from encouraging your DD to befriend her, making it clear to DD her friend is welcome at your home etc. If it turns out to be an EA relationship (and that's where I'd be leaning with with the power plays, break-ups over texting etc) there's still not much you can do except support through DD. Hopefully she'll learn and move on, quickly. I did, anyway.

All sounds very iffy to me

Yes maybe the girls home life is not the best and this may cause problems, but also maybe she is being manipulated by this man.

Yes it can depend on the maturity on the teen, but just 17 and 48. . .

A decent 48 year old would/should be questioning his attraction to a young looking 17 year old.

My personal experience is that when I was 14 I briefly dated a 21 year old.
There was a series of understandable misconceptions, I looked older, was the youngest in my school year by 11 months and me and my best friend (who was 16) ran around with her brother/cousins who were all 18 or so.

This guy assumed I was 17-18, I assumed he was 18/19.

Once it all came out, due to him trying to arrange a meet up with his uni mates and I pointed out that I couldn't go to the club he suggested as it was over 18s, his reply was yes and why is that an issue? well 'cause I'm 14. . .

Poor guy nearly had a heart attack on the spot. Then he very nicely and gently dumped me. We're still friends.

This man clearly know what age she is, and has lied already, not good signs