I am honestly not sure if IABU or not. My gut tells me IANBU, but I have discussed with a few people and there is a mixed response.
XP has got a job that pays quite well, he works 12 hr shifts 4 days a week.
The company wanted another person to cover for the other 3 days a week, and knowing that his current partner and I were both looking for work, he suggested his DP.
Now, you might think that is fair enough, it's up to him who he suggests, BUT here's where I have the problem.
XP and I have a DD, his DP has a DS. XP is looking after her DS while she works 3 x 12 hour shifts, and not DD so I can work 3 x 12 hr shifts, and XP does not pay maintenance. (CSA have been trying to chase him for 4 years and have extracted less than £75 from him in all that time.)
XP does not see DD regularly, yet he is looking after his DP's DS every fucking week for 42 hours (including travel), so she can earn £££££'s too!!
XP's DP's XP has her DS every other weekend, and when XP has these 'free' weekends, I have no idea what he does, because he hasn't seen DD since before Christmas.
Now, XP claims he and DP need to work 7 days a week to pay debts off which I did not incur while DD and I are here, me looking for school hours jobs, and paying off debts accumulated years ago by him and both of us living in fucking poverty!!!
If I didn't look after DD, he admits it would mean he couldn't work this job, so I am enabling him to do these hours, and then to look after his DP's DS instead of his own DD, so she can earn money too, because XP has admitted he can't cope with both DC at once, so he wouldn't look after DP's DS if he had to look after DD.
He now says he can only see DD every other weekend because on the other weekends, he has to look after DP's DS while she goes to work!!
Due to the hours of the job, and looking after his DP's DS 3 days a week, XP has said that I need to find a school hours job because he cannot help with childcare since he needs to go to work. But what about me needing to go to work FGS???
AIBU to think this is unfair, or should I accept that this is the way it is when parents split, and understand that he has debts to pay of his own bloody making.
AIBU?
to think XP should do this for me and not his current partner?
littlemisssarcastic · 03/02/2013 21:47
He sounds like one of those people who is only interested in the kids while he's with the woman. Whether his kids or not.
You aren't being unreasonable to wish he gave a shit, but since all his actions to date have demonstrated that he doesn't - you can hardly be surprised.
if this relationship fails, he'll not give a shit about these kids either. 
Don't read any further if you don't like crudeness
There are some men who only play the part of father for as long as they get to sink their dick into the mother. When that goes - they show that the kids meant nothing.
[cynical]
Thanks for all the input since my last post.
I hadn't thought of how he could badmouth me at the job. Good point!!
I suppose I would always be on pins if he was my only source of childcare because he does tend to do what suits him.
Thanks for the suggestions wrt childcare. They are very helpful.
I feel better since reading this thread.
I admit that part of this is resentment that I have very little help with DD and know very few people who have the same low levels of support and if I am honest, it really pisses me off, although I don't tell people IRL just how pissed off it makes me because AFAIC DD is xp and my responsibility.
I actually don't know of anyone IRL who has no support from either family or dc's parent.
I'm sure there is thousands out there. I just don't know of any.
As an example, My mother babysits for my DB but won't for me, even though my DB has other family who could and do help him too.
Rahhhhhhh. I feel a bit better now. 
Hecate Your crudeness has made me and is so true!!
Xp has had many relationships since we split and has never remained in touch with any of the DC.
The only child he has as far as I know is DD and she is the only one he has sporadically remained in contact with.
I suppose i have learnt a valuable lesson though. 
YANBU. I think it's awful he is prioritising someone else's child over his own. I don't understand these sorts of people :(.
In the long run, you are the winner and your wonderful DD will prove that to you, time and time again. 
I don't think I would make a good CM.
Good suggestion though.
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