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AIBU?

to close CSA case?

82 replies

BattlingFanjos · 27/01/2013 23:38

Because they don't seem to have the first clue of what they're meant to do?

DS was born in the March of 08 and I went to the CSA in the October. Since then he has had three payments of £5 because my ex signed on. He change jobs frequently and is very open about why he does it. When they get too near to pinning him down for payments, he leaves work. He works in an industry where he has plenty of friends, some of who again openly admit they have not sent relevant information to the CSA as "it will get him in shit". I have told the CSA where he's worked for the past three jobs. He's been in his current place since September and they're still waiting for paperwork (wage slips etc) from them. He earns a lot more than i do and pays no rent/council tax/utilities and yet the people who are meant to be the ones pinning him down either just can't be arsed or have no idea how! I asked after 4 years to have it transferred to the legal enforcement team but they feel the need to give him more chances. Now there's talk of them "charging for the service" what fucking service?!
AIBU just to shut the case and forget about it?

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Report

BattlingFanjos · 03/02/2013 11:14

Yay! Hopefully he'll stick to it! Got my fingers crossed for you!

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MrsTomHardy · 02/02/2013 23:33

Good news Battling.

Interestingly my XP has been in contact with Csa and set up payments again...the warning letter obv did the trick

BattlingFanjos · 02/02/2013 23:27

Spoke to CSA yesterday (THEY actually called me again! Its like a parallel universe!). Again just to say that they had spoken to exp and his employers and issued a warning to send in the wage slips and whatever else info they need. She expects them to arrive either yesterday (she left early) or Monday. Interestingly she told me that if they do not arrive she can take the details from him over the phone as "things have changed and we really need to move forward on this" not sure what's going on in the department but something is giving them a kick up the arse!

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BattlingFanjos · 31/01/2013 22:21

He sounds like a lovely guy what an absolute prick! This whole things just seriously makes me fucking furious. Every single person that enables the csa and government/law to carrying on screwing over good people, be it RPs or NRPs, can go fuck spiders. Cunts the lot of 'em

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IneedAsockamnesty · 31/01/2013 19:49

Its because the CSA is responsible for both deciding the amount and enforcing payment so you can't enforce it yourself.

Doing that is also my idea but as soon as she sells it he will get informed and I expect he will go racing to court to enforce his order

BattlingFanjos · 31/01/2013 14:28

The csa are just a middle man so how can it be that he owes them not her and his child. How ridiculous!! I hope she can get round it somehow what would happened if she just sent 40k and kept the 20? Or am I just being really daft

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IneedAsockamnesty · 31/01/2013 13:19

The differculties are is the court order for the money from the house is already in place.

But the money he owes is considered to be owed to the csa as opposed to her so she can't just go get a ccj.

Its beyond a joke, he's always been employed but a job hopper and since the dc was 1 when he left nothing has been paid but she still has to pay him 60k he owes her about 20k.

I'm desperately trying to get her some help but nobody knows what to do, she thinks its only right that she should pay I'm but she should be able to deduct the sum he owes her from what she has to hand over.

Catchingmockingbirds · 31/01/2013 10:49

Thanks. I'm counting on ex running out of jobs to leave too.

BattlingFanjos · 31/01/2013 10:25

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you! You're right he probably does.... he should just pay! Surely its not worth the hassle. I know my ex is running out of jobs to walk into, we met in the industry he works now and i still talk to a lot of people so I know its not going to be long before he is out of a job full stop.

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Catchingmockingbirds · 31/01/2013 10:04

Went better than I expected. He's ignored all their warning letters so they're going to contact his employer and ring me back when there's an update. Now I just hope he doesn't do his usual - quit as soon as they try and take it straight from his wages.

He only pays the minimum fgs, he probably spends more on beer every month than CSA payments.

BattlingFanjos · 31/01/2013 09:55

Good luck Catching!!! Give em hell! Xx

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Catchingmockingbirds · 31/01/2013 09:42

I'm just about to phone CSA and chase up ex's missing payment. Every month he's late or doesn't pay yet they still haven't just contacted his employer. Wish me luck!

BattlingFanjos · 31/01/2013 09:31

Eurgh Mrs Surprised? what a joke! Maybe if he'd have sorted it out sooner you'd have been able to come to an agreement!

Dr When someone is abusive I think that no contact even money is best for some people. My ex wasn't/isn't abusive. He is pathetic actually, he lies constantly and ALWAYS has some elaborate excuse for why he hasn't paid. When he had contact he would frequently not turn up, these included; having cancer, in hospital after a psychological breakdown, his father dying, he was homeless. All lies.

Sock that is horrendous! Is there no way she can get round it? I never thought about things like that. There is no way he should have the full amount when he hasnt paid for his daughter!

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Guccidayoneday · 31/01/2013 09:22

Thank you Fanjo it's been a difficult ride at times but we got through it and you will to.

Coconut I'm with you all the way.

IneedAsockamnesty · 31/01/2013 08:09

I have a friend who has never received anything via the csa despite her ex owing large sums to them her dc is 17 She's now wanting to sell her house yet when she does is not even allowed to deduct the maintainance she is owed from the sum she has to pay him from the sale.

Its madness.

MrsTomHardy · 31/01/2013 07:57

Well someone has received his warning letter......que begging text asking to cancel Csa as he can't afford it and if I don't agree he'll give up work.......

DrCoconut · 31/01/2013 00:17

I don't claim anything from my ex. He was abusive and we're fine without him. The peace of mind that comes from him not being involved (his choice I should add) is worth every penny of the £5 a week that we forgo. Even if he had a job I wouldn't pursue it. The hassle is not worth it.

BattlingFanjos · 30/01/2013 23:00

I wanted to say it sounds like you're all very lucky. Your son for having such a good mum to guide him through all the crap. You for having such a lovely son but you know what? Sounds like you've worked hard to get where you are and I have no doubt at times it's been bloody hard, so I don't think it is luck. Sounds like you deserve it

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BattlingFanjos · 30/01/2013 22:57

I bet it did. It would take a very cold hearted person not to get upset at that haha don't be sulking its a good reason for a party and LOTS of presents! . Aw lovely! I like mental families, i think my mis-match family fits into that category it's nice to hear it can work out. It's just me and my boy for now and I doubt very much there will be another 'dad' in his life. But we have a crazy, happy, extended family and we're all really close so we're never really alone

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Guccidayoneday · 30/01/2013 17:55

Oh Fanjo when he said that it took all my strength to not just burst into tears myself, but I managed not too (until he was tucked up in bed, if i remember i drank a good few glasses of wine that night) but I do remember in my 40 years (darn turning 40 this year, I'm sulking a bit, ha ha) it was one of the very saddest moments if my life. myself and my son have been lucky to find a amazing man that literally has loved my son as his own, and has never once treated him any different to the two daughters that we had to complete our happy (if not a bit mental) family.

BattlingFanjos · 30/01/2013 17:23

Btw him asking if he did something naughty as a child is just horrific! Given me a lump in my throat and I'm no softy! They really don't see the damage they cause when they walk away do they?

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BattlingFanjos · 30/01/2013 17:18

Having been through something similar myself, I know all too well the feelings and emotions your son will have been through and still have to come. It really must have been so fucking hard for you to have to sit and hear it from him no child should ever have to deal with it. Although...it has helped me in my adult life to make much more informed decisions where my family and friends are concerned. I learnt very early that I can make choices in my life, just as my dad did, I just know which are right ones (plus the fact my mum is a diamond!). Sounds like you've done a cracking job on your own (w/stepdad). You've obviously raised a secure and well adjusted boy (young man? Lol) and what you have done for him will stand him in good stead for life! I'm taking all the advice I can to store away for future reference ha I'm sure I'm gonna need it!

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Guccidayoneday · 30/01/2013 14:43

Your son is very young Fanjos, at that age my son asked nothing and adjusted to no contact very quickly. My only advice is when he does ask questions just tell him as honestly as you can in relation to his age and his understanding. Over the years my son and I have had various conversations and now at 13 my son calls him "the wanker ", and normally any swearing I would be telling him off, in this instance I just can't cause that's exactly what he is. As long as your always your sons "constant and always" your boy will be fine. X

Guccidayoneday · 30/01/2013 14:36

Yes as my son got older he would on occasion ask questions, why didn't his biological dad want him, did he do something naughty as a little child, I've shed many tears of hurt and anger but mostly over the hurt my son has had to deal with. Now at 13, he is a very well adjusted child (has the usual cheeky teenage moments, ha ha) but considering he has had to deal with total rejection from his bio father AND I might add his fathers parents (they dumped my son too) he is a fantastic boy whom I am so very very proud. I know my son will never grow into a man anything like his bio father and that is worth a billion pounds.

BattlingFanjos · 30/01/2013 14:28

I don't think you're mad Gucci what a horrible man I completely understand breakdowns in relationships and communication buy why take it out on the children?! I could never do any of that to my son, I'm sure you're the same. Realistically, you wouldn't have got 13k in your hand there and then for your DS. It would have been in dribs and drabs and it wouldn't have made much difference to you but would have meant more stress, anxiety to you and your son. I'm so glad your son has managed yo change his name. Stories like this and knowing I will have to face facts DS will ask questions just breaks my heart

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