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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have let him off the hook

105 replies

badbelinda · 26/01/2013 14:15

Just finished lunch and everyone now skulking in different rooms not talking to each other. Our kids (DS 8 and DD 9) are pretty good eaters, will try anything and not much they genuinely don't like but DS has always hated mushrooms. I had the bright idea that if we had cream of mushroom soup he might like the flavour without having the texture. DH duly made this for lunch as I was on chauffeur duty for all the Sat am activities. DS ate a bit with his bread but didn't like it much. DH told him to finish the bowl (not huge) and I said he should eat at least another 3 spoonfuls. He was struggling then gagged on his food. DH said he spat it out and it was deliberate but I'm pretty sure it was genuine (scarlet face, tears in eyes etc). DH told him he still had to eat his spoonfuls (while DS now sobbing) and I said he should be allowed to stop and thought DH being too hard on him. Lunch disintegrated and everyone upset now. DH thinks I undermined him and I can understand that but I think forcing a child to eat something when they're actually gagging on it is pretty cruel and has potential to give them issues with food in the future. DH pretty tired due to work issues at the moment and I think a bit more short-fused than usual but AIBU to contradict him about this in front of the children and is it likely to breed fussiness?

OP posts:

cluelesscleaner · 26/01/2013 18:01

Ha ha!

Moominsarescary · 26/01/2013 18:06

I like the chippie idea doe except were snowed in and I can't eat fish after my gran force fed it me as a child

Foggles · 26/01/2013 18:07

I wish I had a gran that force fed me chippie fish

Callmedoe · 26/01/2013 19:02

Well my suggestion of the Chippie wasn't really aimed at you Moomin, it was aimed at Belinda and the mushroom boys. Have you tried battered fish soup though that might be good. There is actually such thing as chip soup, I've heard it can be quite nice.

Mouseface · 26/01/2013 21:34

OP - Your DH was bang out of order for making it such a BIG deal when your DS agreed to try it on his own terms in the first place, bless him.

TheFunPolice · 26/01/2013 23:03

I was made to sit for hours with a plate of peas in front of me. I wouldn't be allowed anything else to eat for the rest of the day unless.I ate them; which I wouldn't as they'd make me gag. I hate the texture of peas. I still have some issues about food.

LadyBeagleEyes · 26/01/2013 23:33

I can only eat mashed potatoes now if I put it through a potato ricer,
I can't eat it at other's houses or resturants as my memories are of sitting being forced to finish cold lumpy mash and gagging at primary school.
There are other foods too which I won't eat.
If you force a child to eat something they don't like you are giving them food issues. Thank God I'm an adult and will never have that again, and also happy that my 17 year old ds will eat most things.
I know he doesn't like some stuff, I've allowed him personal taste.

HildaOgden · 26/01/2013 23:42

Why oh why was it so important for him to have mushrooms when he eats plenty of other stuff without quibble?

He tried it,he still hated it (regardless of texture)....experiment over.No adult should keep forcing it on the child like that.

I think it was cruel and mean.For Gods sake, everyone is allowed to have one food they just don't like.

LadyBeagleEyes · 26/01/2013 23:45

Tomorrow Op, dinner for Dh is tripe, with a side of offal. And sheeps eyes.
Would he eat that?

BluelightsAndSirens · 26/01/2013 23:55

I have certain foods I can't eat because they bring back memories of being sat at the dining room table alone with a plate of cold food because my dad decided I would eat all of my dinner including the bits they knew I didn't like.

I became very good at hiding foods and then missing meals all togeather when I had a choice.

I would be sent from the table to be sick and then come back to finish the meal

IneedAsockamnesty · 27/01/2013 00:08

Not liking something like mushrooms is not being fussy its a perfectly common dislike,something's just are like that.

He tried it and didnt like it, if anybody tried to do that in those circumstances to my children they would be wearing the soup.

SolidGoldBrass · 27/01/2013 00:16

A man who whines that he's being 'undermined' is a man who thinks he's the head of the household who Must Be Obeyed. Tell your H that you will certainly put him in his place again if you catch him bullying the children and if he doesn't like it he can fuck off.
Is he a bully the rest of the time? Does the whole family revolve around Keeping Daddy Happy?

MusicalEndorphins · 27/01/2013 07:35

Your husband was being unreasonable. How would he like to be forced to eat something that made him gag?

It is good to encourage people to try things, but should have had an alternative for your son, under the circumstances.

Someone I knew, I forget who it was now, anyways, they poured mushroom soup through a strainer. They did like the flavour, but not the texture. I think it was ds1's ex.

ll31 · 27/01/2013 10:15

Why does it matter that ur ds doesn't't eat mushrooms? V strange making something that u know there's huge chance he won't like and making him eat it. .. Just why?

Dappylittlemomma · 27/01/2013 10:24

It seems strange the OP and DH don't have a joint strategy on the trying food/ clean plate thing, so they can both have the same rules at meals. By the time our DD1 was 1yrs we had discussed and agreed we'd insist on trying food, but no need for any more than that. Have you had a discussion with your partner about a plan for dealing with eating refusals?

SavoyCabbage · 27/01/2013 10:25

Neither of my dc are fussy eaters. We have never made them so called children's food and they have a wide and varied diet.

My youngest doesn't like pancakes. This is fine. I would never ever force her to eat them or hide them in other things or make pancake Soup.

I think that she'll get through life not liking pancakes and when she's older she won't look ridiculous telling people she doesn't like them as she likes everything else. When we have pancakes, she just has the other parts of the meal.

I bet there's something your h doesn't like. He can just avoid it by not cooking it for himself.

He sounds like a git.

Flatbread · 27/01/2013 10:27

When I was young, I wasn't given a choice of what I ate, but only how much I ate, e.g., plated my portions myself. But they had to be a reasonable size, e.g., couldn't take lots of potatoes and very few green beans, mum would correct the mix.

I wasn't allowed any food preference, simply due to the fact that no one askedme what I liked and i had to finish what I had taken on my plate

I eat everything as an adult, and usually take two small helpings, instead of one big portion (remnant of being made to finish whatever was on my plate, so I make sure I take small portions).

I am slim (size 8 at age 42), enjoy food a lot and love trying new things. Yes, there are foods I prefer over others, but I still eat everything without fuss. For example, I am not fond of cooked cheese, and my heart sinks a bit when I see a lasagne. But I will still eat it and no one else will know I don't really like it.

So take heart OP, your dh is not scarring your son nor necessarily creating any food issue.

CloudsAndTrees · 27/01/2013 10:34

Sounds to me like your DH is being a nasty bastard.

Children should be praised for trying things, and I think your ds did brilliantly be agreeing to try something he knows he doesn't like in another form.

If this were a staple food like bread or potatoes that your ds was refusing to eat, then your DH might have a point. But your DS didn't refuse to try, and it's mushrooms FFS! As humans we are pre programmed to be wary of mushrooms because so many of them are poisonous, which is why they are such a common thing to dislike.

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 27/01/2013 10:37

So if your mum was correcting the mix then you didn't really have a choice of how much you ate did you, because she was controlling how much of one thing you had in comparison to another. Especially because you had to finish what was on your plate. Im confused about why you think you had any choice there.

fuckadoodlepoopoo · 27/01/2013 10:39

Clouds. My kids don't like potatoes! I don't see that it makes a difference if its a staple food. Its more of a nuisance i suppose but they are still individuals who like what they like.

CloudsAndTrees · 27/01/2013 10:46

I meant it makes a difference if its a staple food that they wouldn't try, sorry for causing confusion!

One of my ds's doesn't like rice, which is pretty much a staple food, but because it's the sort of food that can go with so many different things, and can be different depending on how it's cooked, I do encourage him to try it every so often. He also doesn't like mushrooms, but I don't bother encouraging him to try those because they are distinctive in their taste and texture and can be avoided so easily. plus I think mushrooms are minging too

Mouseface · 27/01/2013 10:48

That post about Keeping Daddy Happy is certainly not the case in this house, but I've seen it elsewhere when with friends.

If you don't like a certain food but the rest of the family do, you don't get it put on your plate. Simple as that. No drama. No force feeding or being made to feel you're being 'naughty' for not eating said food.

I'm liking LadyBeagles's idea of tripe with a side of offal and sheep's eyes for DH today...... a taste (quite literally) of his own medicine.

NotADragonOfSoup · 27/01/2013 10:49

A man who whines that he's being 'undermined' is a man who thinks he's the head of the household who Must Be Obeyed.

Sorry, but that is nonsense. There have been threads on MN where the mother is complaining that the father is undermining/not supporting/contradicting her decisions but never is she accused of being the head of the household who must be obeyed.

Flatbread · 27/01/2013 10:50

I had at least the illusion of choice

I had to take a bit of everything that was prepared. My mum correcting me when I took many roast potatoes vs greens, was I guess her way of teaching me about a balanced meal.

Honestly, I cannot remember any tense family meal due to food or any of us three siblings kicking-up a fuss. To date, we all eat everything and are healthy and slim.

I was surprised a few years back to hear my mum didn't like eggplant. It was prepared often when we were children, and she hadn't ever indicated she didn't like it.

LovesBeingWokenEveryNight · 27/01/2013 10:52

Why on earth would you make so much fuss about this? He talked with you about this and agreed in a very mature way to try the soup. He told you he still didn't like it and you both forced him to eat it......why would he trust you again next time? Surely he'll just refuse to even try it.

Do you and your dh have no foods that you do not like and never eat? Why are you allowed to make that choice and he isn't. I'm not saying you should pander to every whim, but he agreed to try it and followed through with that in a grown up way and his parents reacted like children.

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