Is Housemate Acting Weird or AIBU?

[LessMissAbs]

New housemate. The first week, I got in from work, dripping wet from the rain, to a loud wailing noise coming from the bathroom. Bathroom door was open, she was sitting on the toilet seat, screaming in agony. I thought she'd injured herself or had bad food poisoning, but no, it was her period. She said it would only last an hour, but the only thing that could help is if someone stayed with her and talked to her. Awkward to say the least. Eventually I persuaded her to take some Ibuprofen, escaped to get changed out of my wet clothes, and she made a full recovery.

The next week, I got a phone call during my evening class (but it went to voicemail as I have it switched off during the class) asking me to phone her back urgently, as she'd been to give blood, felt faint, and could I come and collect her as she was too faint to drive. I didn't - I had an exam, and she did recover enough to drive herself home.

Last week, there was a crisis the moment I got in the door about the key for the bike shed having gone missing. I didn't even get a chance to get my jacket off.

This week she has been talking about her period being due again soon, and maybe going to see a doctor about it. I think I'm dreading the period as much as her!

Do people really suffer in this way/AIBU to feel slightly freaked by all of this?

[complexnumber]

Of course she's one of your FB friends or you wouldn't see it but why is she? You're not her friend, you don't care what she's up to.

It's not about getting a plumber it's about using and keeping the spoon. Lots of people wouldn't. Head over to the toilet brush threads. You're just very different.

[HappyNewHissy]

So... What contract does she have? Do you own this property, is she your tenant?

[confusteling]

Period pains I sympathise with as I often end up vomiting/fainting with mine - I'm on tranexamic acid, mefenamic acid, paracetomal and 60mg codeine to control mine but often am too scared to take the medication - the first two are likely to make me sick, the paracetomal does very little and the codeine gives me hallucinations and makes me sleep. It's a case of weighing up being stuck in bed in severe pain, or being stuck in bed drowsy, confused and vomiting...

I must admit though I have never discussed periods with any of my flatmates (and I've shared with around 18 people now throughout uni) - it's just never occured to me that they'd want to know, I just keep it to myself and if I need help ring my mum or the surgery..

The fainting too I can sympathise with but if I were her I'd have rung a taxi. I've phoned my flatmates before when I was admitted to hospital as an emergency one night - I asked my flatmates if they help me by driving the mile up the road to bring me some pyjamas/toiletries but they refused..

Carpet wise she should have checked that out first, that might be a deal breaker.

If she's got any health issues or the like she really should have told you from the outset, it makes everything a bit easier - my flatmates know I am disabled (dyspraxia) and they know I struggle MH wise. It means that they don't think I'm strange when I spill my dinner down my top or forget/lose things occasionally..

If she's your tenant - if you own the house - does she have a list of rules/guidelines etc? Every tenancy I've had has come with something like that which does make a difference..

[Sugarice]

What was she doing even running into your room in the first place, I hope she knocked and waited to be invited in! .

She sounds like a nightmare to live with, imagine the queeny fit if you tell her it's not working out for you!

[LessMissAbs]

I havent "used or kept the spoon" -this happend this morning. the spoon will cost 50p to replace. In fact I have another 2 in the kitchen drawer if you are that interested in wooden spoons. Drama over complexnumber. It did the job. My main concern was stopping the toilet from overflowing and stopping her hysterics, and getting to work myslf, not on immediatly replacing a wooden spoon.

Yes, I am the owner, and she is my lodger and is paying a smallish rent which doesn't entitle her to concierge/nurse/chauffeur servics. I am kind of hoping she will realise she isnt going to get the sort of continual reassurance she obviously needs from me and move out. Otherwise I think I may have to ask her to. She is a nice enough person but I can' be bothered with her continual neediness, its like having a child! She also nearly broke the washing machine last week, by continually putting it back onto tumble dry mode when the clothes in it were bone dry, and has burned all the inside of my brand new oven.

I'm beginning to dread going home now, as I'm wondering what minor drama is going to have affected her next, or wondering if I can have a chance to relax in the evening at all.

[Crinkle77]

She sounds a bit like a hyperchondriac and an attention seeker and is looking for reassurance

[Sugarice]

Next time she starts the drama llama act just give her that ' as if look' and ignore.

The washing machine and oven issues would have my back up as well as the attention seeking.

Good luck OP, do you have wine in the fridge?

[HecatePropolos]

Or every time she does one of her dramatic things, you could do that dum dum dum thing that happens at the end of Eastenders (do they still do that?)

[evil]

[LessMissAbs]

Shes certainly never mentioned mental health issues - she comes across as sane, if a little "spinsterish" and old fashioned, for want of better phraseology, and holds down a good enough job.

the way she talked about her periods seemed to indicate she had never seen a doctor about them, and it was only something she was just considering.

[Bobyan]

Where was she living before?

[HappyNewHissy]

Sweety, she is NEVER going to move out of her own accord, you do know that don't you?

I looked this up, it came from the www.gov.uk site:

You?ll often have an excluded tenancy or licence if you live with your landlord as a lodger and share rooms with them.

Your landlord only needs to give ?reasonable notice? to quit. Usually this means the length of the rental payment period ? so if you pay rent weekly, you?ll get 1 week?s notice.

The notice doesn?t have to be in writing.

So, you need to speak to her ASAP and state that you do not wish to continue with the tenancy and it'd be easier if she goes sooner rather than later, before she gets too settled. If she pushes you for a reason, say that you don't have to give her one, but that you feel that you and her are not a good combination.

then when she screams/wails/weeps and harrangues you for hours/days/weeks asks you to reconsider, you just remember the MN phrase 'That doesn't work for me' and repeat it like a broken record.

If I were you, I WOULD put it in writing afterwards, and mail it to her recorded delivery so that you have proof you sent it. Cos I can see this bunnyboiler not going quietly.

[HappyNewHissy]

I'd put MONEY on the fact that she wasn't screaming until she heard your key in the door.

[whois]

Just get rid, people like this only get more and more demanding and more and more odd.

Say "this isn't working out, I'm giving you notice to move out by date x"

[fuzzpig]

I was wondering that too Hissy. Although I feel mean for thinking that.

I want to watch Single White Female now

[HappyNewHissy]

Why mean fizzpig? You clearly have not met the kind of Crazy I have.....

[Pandemoniaa]

She sounds exactly like the recently departed lodger that nearly drove a friend of mine quite demented. Equally need, equally incapable of using everyday items like cookers/washing machines and irons without ruining them but also quick to run around like a headless chicken demanding immediate action when extremely minor domestic incidents occurred.

My friend put up with this for over a year. She said it was over a year too long. So I strongly advise that you part company as kindly and firmly as possible.

[HappyNewHissy]

How recently departed Pandemoniaa...?????

like, In the last couple of months? [yikes]

[LessMissAbs]

Hissy - Sweety, she is NEVER going to move out of her own accord, you do know that don't you*

I have the solution - she seems to loathe DH, and makes herself scarce when he is around. I'l simply tell her hes moving in too (allowed by my lease) and get him to stay over a few nights...

Pandemoniaa that is *exactly what she is like! Are they the same person, I wonder? I know she has lived away from home at university for 4 years, then rented in private flats for at least another 4...

It is beginning to drive me demented. I was worried I was being intolerant and overly harsh. But when I'm in the living room, its just the constant questions, about whats on tv (even if I'm not watching and reading a book). She appears to think I am the fount of all tv knowledge, to explain things to her. "Is that a French name?" "What accent is that?" "What did he say?" "Why did she say that?" I swear she is allergic to more than 2 minutes of peace and quiet!

You have to be so careful when choosing a lodger. I chose her because my ad seemed to attract a succession of recently seperated/divorced men looking to find some woman with their own property to latch onto (and I don't think thats just my suspicious mind). I think maybe I won't bother replacing, its not that much money.

[LessMissAbs]

I haven't even mentioned her obsession with the central heating being broken! Shes suggested it several times, a couple of times shes even switched off the boiler then denied all knowledge of it. I keep having to reset the timer. Its brand new and has an equally new Gas Safety Certificate, but shes clearly suspcious about it...

[HappyNewHissy]

I say just grasp the nettle, the next opportunity you get.... tell her that it's not working out and you have asked DH to come and live with you while you noisily TTC....

[Frostyfoxy]

Do you think she might be working up to not paying the rent because of all the "problems"?? Have you spoken to any of the other private landlords to see if she is "known" as someone who doesn't pay/is a nusance etc?

[Sugarice]

She sounds bizarre!

Messing with the boiler, odd!

[HappyNewHissy]

Did she offer a work ref instead of a LL ref? Did you ask for one?

Mind you, if her new victim prospective LL called you.... what would you say.... bearing in mind that if you scuppered her rental, she'd want to stay on....



and I'll bet she knows her rights....

[LessMissAbs]

I don't get the impression she switched off the central heating boiler deliberately, more that she doesn't know what shes doing...

I also don't get the impression shes not going to pay her rent.

I'm making her sound terrible! I don't think she does this deliberately, and she can be quite pleasant, I just personally find her rather hard to live with. I actually feel really mean, and I'm still aware this is her home. I certainly wouldn't see her homeless or anything. She may feel as bad as me, as I've started disengaging with her, probably as a reaction as to whats gone before.

Have checked and she did supply both employer's and former landlord's reference (a letting agency in another city).

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

Has to be some compatibility even if you go back to DH at weekends. It's like having a pesky younger relative to stay.
As long as you stay civil and give fair notice surely yanbu to call time on this.