To ask if there is any truth to "middle-child sydrome"?

[FromHereToNextTuesday]

I'm having my third child, and am hearing more and more of the problems facing a middle child. Am I really exposing the 2nd to a lifetime of disadvantages by giving her a a younger sibling? Really??

[TwoFacedCows]

my sister is the middle, she is crazy. She is a total attention seeker, always has a medical problem on the go. most recently bi polar- which is an insult to people that actually have it!
She always feels hard done by, thinks that she was neglected, thinks that my parents were poor.

She is just a total attention seeking cow.

[dizzydixies]

oh utterly that's just awful

gordy - it's beyond tomboy, she has cried her self to sleep because she's not a boy, when we're away on holiday she introduces herself as the boys version of her name & the school Ed psychologist has been involved. She is exactly the same in terms of wicked sense of humour though

[gordyslovesheep]

bless her - kids are funny buggers!

[BackforGood]

Well, I have 3, and I know we don't compare but my middle one is by far and away the easiest of my 3 to live with.
What is the middle child supposed to suffer from ?

[Ummofumbridge]

I have 5 and am one of 3. My middle child is very much a middle child as I have ages 16, 14, 9, 2 and 1. So my 9 year old has 2 much older and 2 much younger sibs.
The thing is even when she was the youngest child she was hard work!! So now she happens to be the middle child I'm reluctant to put it down to middle child syndrome. If anything I thing not being the youngest has done wonders for her as she adores her little sisters and they her.

I think it is often dependent on parenting. It's easily done but I think having 2 at either side has made a difference. I'd love number 6 to even things up but I'm not allowed.

[hammyimo]

The middle one in our family was the absolute favourite. She still is.

She'll always feel she was hard done by though.

[jojane]

I have boy- girl- boy
I am hoping that as dd is the middle child, being a different gender to the other 2 means that there won't be any jealousy issues.

[CointreauVersial]

I have boy-girl-girl.

DD1 is the most well-adjusted and self-sufficient of the three, but she and DD2 are inseparable, so I don't think she feels like a middle child particularly. DS is high maintenance and neurotic, and DD2 is......a foot-stamping diva (there's a theme developing....).

I think middle child syndrome is most noticeable when you have three of the same sex.

[MummytoKatie]

For some reason I have had two serious boyfriends who have been the middle child of 3 boys. (One of whom is dh.) Both were serious academic over achievers.

My vague theory is that it does exist and that they both over achieved to ensure they were noticed.

I think there are worse things!

[sashh]

Both my parents are both the oldest of three.

Both my mother's sisters have 2 children.

One of my dad's brothers has two, the other (middle child) has three.

My brother has three, no 3 was a bit of a suprise.

I think a lot depends on the parents and on the children. If you have three the same sex I think there is more chance of 'middle child syndrome' particularly if you are handing down clothes.

One of my friends who has three has deliberatly created time to do something with each child as an individual.

My brother has girl, boy, girl. I have bought shared presents for the younger two (scuba diving lesson) and other times I have bought the girls, the same or similar present such as jewelry and the boy soomething else.

[WandaDoff]

I have boy - boy - girl.

My boys are large but absolutely beautiful in my eyes.

My oldest will be 16, this year.
I've gotta say, I'm not ready, I was 16 when he was concieved, & I'm still waiting for the moment that FB notices that.

[gimmecakeandcandy]

That's awful utterly do you still see her?

[turkeyboots]

I am the eldest of 3 and am only having 2 !

My sis is the middle child, as was my DM. So she over compensated for "middle child syndrome" and Dsis ended up a drama llama of the highest order with serious entitlement issues.

[Iwillorderthefood]

My dad was ds3, his middle brother and him always ganged up on the older DS1. DS1 was quiet, academic and a loner, DS2 academic, but energetic with a colourful personality. My Dad has always been considered the rebel as his family were Methodist and he used to have a drink of beer every so often and play sport on Sundays! He is also the least academic having not been to university.

[Mapal]

I am the middle child, the order was boy - girl (Me) - boy.
I think its down to gender order and parenting. I never had any issues, my big bro was special because he was the oldest, my little bro was special because he was my mums baby, I was special because I was the girl. Just make sure they all know tjeyre special and it will be fine. I do wonder if my experience would have been as positive if we had been different genders though.

[singaporeswing]

I'm a middle child with older sister (5 yr gap) and younger brother (2 yr gap) and have always felt left out. As such, I've become the peacemaker and the academic overachiever, but also the one needing constant reassurance.

When I have DC, I'm definitely considering an even number - probably 4.

[5inabed]

I don't think there is a middle child syndrome all the things that are upsetting the middle children on here feeling ignored, judged as not pretty or clever enough just sound like bad parenting. Children are who they are regardless of birth order. I am the middle child in my family we go girl 21 months girl 30 months boy my sister is out spoken and confident I was more shy and my brother was definitely the baby but my mum made sure we all felt special and spent one on one time with us all and didn't assign us roles the pretty one, the shy one etc. We all get on well and live close to each other babysit each others children I see my sister most days. I have 3 children of my own and they are dd1 21 months ds 26 months dd2 The girls are confident, and usually out spoken and my son has been described as quietly confident. My children are young 7, 5 and almost 3 but perhaps avoiding comparing them and treating them equally will help them feel equally special and not in need to develop syndromes.

[HollyBerryBush]

It depends on the child. I have 3 boys - the middle one is far and away the easiest to live with - but then the oldest has LDs and the youngest has autism - so he would be!

He was also the worst pregnancy on earth, spend a long time in neo-natal, had the assiciated problems. I swore I'd never have another one after that experience.

He is the one we delegate all responsibility to, and he gets the lions share of our time, purely through common interests, and he is the most spoilt. People lie when they say they don't have favourites; I might love them the same, but I prefer to be with my middle one. He is my special child, the one I invest all my hopes and dreams in.

My mother on the otherhand was the middle one of 5, two older brothers, two younger sisters. She was dreadfully scapegoated by her own mother, yet spoilt by her father and paternal grandmother - purely to wind up her own mother I think. They compensated for the lack of maternal care..

[pictish]

I have three children too.

There are 6 years between 1 and 2, and only 14 months between 2 and 3 though, so that middle child dynamic isn't really at play.
There's ds1 who is 11 and independently too cool for school, then there's ds2 just 5, and dd nearly 4, who are preschoolers and into all things nursery and little kiddy.

We think of it more as ds1...then 'the little ones'. They are all close and get on well, and there's no jealousy at play. The two little ones are the best of friends most of the time and it's very much a case of two-of-everything with such a close age gap. Ds1 is too old to be interested in anything they're up to....and his needs are very different.

I don't think our middle child feels left out or sidelined. I hope not anyway!

[amillionyears]

Yes.
My children's teacher at school told me once, that it was obvious to her, the differences in where the children in her class came from, whether they were the oldest, middle etc

[Loquace]

At first glance my brother is "classic middle child". But having been there, I can say without doubt it was more parental attitude towards his gender (and their gender expectations) than birth placement that caused the issues.

There is all sorts of opinin based bollocks about birth placement/less than ideal number of children. Unless somebody can pull out non iffy data to support any suposition I'd ignore said bollocks.

[bruffin]

I am one of 3 girls and we fit fhe description given above. It probsbly didnt help that my little sis didnt come along until my middle sis was 5. My middle sis had been spoilt rotten by our gm who lived with us , so i suspect she felt hurt at no longer being the baby. My mum always treated equally but every one had to tread carefully around dsis.
Also my little sis and i looked a lot alike and she looked a bit different, which probably didnt help either.

[Loquace]

My children's teacher at school told me once, that it was obvious to her, the differences in where the children in her class came from, whether they were the oldest, middle etc

Confirmation bias.

Without a doubt she failed to include the ones she got wrong, forgot to factor in that she knew the child's birth order BEFORE she pigeon holed them, forgot to add to the picture the the kids that did not comply with the sterotypes. It's just what humans do, see patterns where there are none.

[littlewhitebag]

I don't think it make any deference at all. I have had three children in total - all girls. DD1 & DD2 born close together making DD2 the youngest at that time. Then DD1 was killed aged 5 and DD2 became an only. A few years later we had DD3 so DD2 became the eldest. This means that although she is my middle child she has, however in fact been all positions! She can be a bit of a diva and she is very independent (age 20 now) - but she is most like me and i am very close to her. My youngest (age 15 now) is calm, placid and eager to please and a total pleasure to have around.

[amillionyears]

Loquace, maybe?