To say no you can't come to visit on Christmas morning?

[MrsChestysGlitteryBaubles]

Sorry, another Christmas one!!

We are having MIL over for dinner this year, absolutely fine, I will love having her and DH and the DDs will too, not a problem to take her.

BUT it was dictated that we would take her from SIL, ie "we had her last year and other SIL the year before so its your turn", again, ok fine fair enough, my issue here is she can't stay away from her house any other day of the year. I should point put she isn't elderly, doesn't need looking after so no

The plan was then to see my family on Boxing Day, it's a bit of a drive to go to them anyway and try be back to make Christmas dinner.

The previous years we've had DHs family over for brunch before heading to my mums so that we can see everyone and as we weren't preparing a dinner in our house it only seemed fair. Ive also went to mass on Christmas Eve knowing his family would be over early in the morning.

SIL has just informed me that they'll be coming to ours again in the morning so they can all see MIL at the one time. So that will be 7 adults and 5 children under 4 whilst I am trying to prepare Christmas dinner. I also wanted the family to go to mass together on Christmas Day seeing as we'll be staying close to home this year.

Would I be unseasonable to say no you can't come over on Christmas morning?

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

Stop indulging her then. Unless you are geared up for another 40 years (or whatever) of bullying at her hands.

[MrsChestysGlitteryBaubles]

She's slightly insane, it's a whole other thread!

I think she's is annoyed I'm so close to MIL.

But yes, a cup of tea wouldn't be enough and they don't offer any help. Incidentally SIL no 2 is also lovely, can see SIL no 1 is slightly insane but is far too loyal to say.

[DontmindifIdo]

It's ok that your SIL sees you as an outsider, that means you get to be separate and keep her at arms distance. This can be a good thing for you.

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

I think you should stop rolling over and "keeping the peace"

why would your SIL see you as an "intruder" ?

[MrsChestysGlitteryBaubles]

I think I am definitely going to go with "we'll be at mass and will pick MIL up after" that way we can pop in, half hour max then come home and prepare dinner.

You're right anyfucker I totally see your point, but Its difficult sometimes with SIL as she sees me as an intruder sometimes (and has told me as much drunk) and its taken a long time to get where we are. I usually try to be dutiful DIL to keep the peace.

[DontmindifIdo]

Thing is, why should the OP have to host a whole pile of people because she's agreed to host 1? If the SIL wants a big family get together, she should be prepared to do it herself, if they OP wanted to host a big do, then fine, but telling someone else they have to host a big get together isn't on.

As well as us, we've got 4 coming for Christmas dinner, plus possibly an extra 2 - 4, but I've invited them, it's my choice to do all that work - and it's going to cost over £200 on food only for the one day. Big family get togethers are lovely for the guests, but when those guests are just focussing on enjoying themselves, it's can be horrible for the host who is to busy running around looking after everyone to actually enjoy the day, and I don't see that the OP has any less right to enjoy Christmas day than the others.

[simplesusan]

Lovebunny-I don't think sil will be content with"a cup of tea," she sounds like a freeloader and op has already said does nothing to help.
I wouldn't invite her tbh but then again I speak from experience as being the mug doing all the running around whilst others are waited on hand and foot.

[lovebunny]

what a mess. how about:

mother in law comes round/is collected. you all go to mass. you make and eat dinner.

sister in law and a load of hangers on come for a cup of tea after lunch.

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

Ah, my apologies. the knickers not to get twisted are SIL's, not MIL's. Sorry.

Do you take my point though? Stop pissing about and tell your SIL how it is going to be. End of. Your MIL doesn't need to know there is any friction. Not standing up for yourself nurtures frustration and resentment and she will pick up on it.

[DontmindifIdo]

BTW - i do think it's the height of rudeness to think you have a right to tell other adults what they will and will not do in their own home just because they've invited someone to eat a meal with them.

[MrsChestysGlitteryBaubles]

Oh AnyFucker, I'm not arguing about having MIL, and the knickers in a twist referred to SIL.

I would have MIL over every day of the week, she's a fantastic woman.

DH and his family aren't religious, he attends mass with the DDs and I as he supports me in raising then RC.

[DontmindifIdo]

Right, this is like so many threads on here right now, and I always say the same thing, you are a grown up, you get to decide who is in your house and what you do.

So, tell your SIL you are going to Mass on Christmas morning so won't be in to host a big family brunch, if she wants to do it, you'll drive past after mass to collect MIL, who'll then eat Christmas dinner with you. She then goes back to her own house (who is driving her home or are you booking a taxi - book it in advance!) on Christmas night and you drive to your parents on Boxing day.

[We3bunniesOfOrientAre]

Or suggest that SIL joins you and the family for Mass? Why should your dh have to miss mass because it doesn't fit with SIL plans. After all, that is kind of the point of Christmas. Or suggest that they come over in the afternoon once most of the presents are done.

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

when I am in my dotage, if I thought having to "have me" was causing arguments among my relatives at xmas, I would bang all your heads together and stay in my own home

Op, stop whinging and stand up for yourself

and talking in terms of your MIL "not getting her knickers in a twist" about something you do or don't do is not a mark of respect, really

[naturalbaby]

So you've got 2 SIl's with various kids who want to be at yours on Christmas morning because your MIL will be there?

It's only fair that they get to see their mother on Christmas day - what other day are they seeing her? If they want to see her that much then they should have her to stay at theirs.

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I think you made that clear in the OP, actually!

[MrsChestysGlitteryBaubles]

No, no!! I want MIL there, I don't want everyone else. My MIL is lovely.

[MrsChestysGlitteryBaubles]

Thanks all, I think I'm going to do what bamboo suggested and say we'll pick MIL up after mass, perfect! We're not saying she can't come to ours so she can't get her knickers in a twist.

:)

[AnyFuckerForAMincePie]

if I was your MIL I would be pretty fucking offended at being treated like the hot potato nobody wanted to handle for very long

if she has any sense, she'll get an M+S roast dinner for one and a bottle of wine, host herself in her own home and fuck the lot of ya

[simplesusan]

x post with DamBamboo- excellent idea!

[simplesusan]

I think you should tell your sil that she cannot come round on Christmas Day. Tell her that you have made plans for all the family and you will be out-at mass.
If she is that desperate to see her mother then she can get up really early on christmas morning and drive to see her before she leaves for your house.

I understand exactly where you are coming from as I have been made to feel like I am running some sort of luxury 5 star hotel for paying guests, when in actual fact, I am running around after lazy in laws instaed of enjoying Christmas in my own home.
Just say no and stick to it. Let them take their kids elsewhere.

[Selim]

I get it too and I would do what Bamboo says.

If you are going to be out then SIL can't come, obviously.

[HeathRobinson]

I found it the op easy to understand.

YANBU. Just tell her you've already made plans. You've been very accommodating at other times, put your foot down now.

[DamnBamboo]

Ok, I think I get it. Tell SIL that they can host MIL at one of theirs first things for tea/mince pies etc.. whilst you and your family go to mass.
Then you will collect MIL on your way home from mass.

[lapsedorienteerer]

OK, I tried to understand this but clearly am a 'bear of little brains'. My brain is bulging with own Christmas plan so must leave thread now .