Family at Christmas!

[yummincepie]

My father in law spilt up with his partner 6 years ago, revealing that she had been accusing him of carrying on with me!!

They have still kepted seeing each other all this time, I have repeatedly over the years said she is well in our house.

My father inlaw sees her grandchildren regularly, but no effort is made on her part to have any contact with our children. My father inlaw takes my eldest child cycling every weekend with her granddaughter, my daughter has no idea what the connection is with this child to her grandad.

It feels like my family is still being punished for something that never happened.

My father inlaw has spent Christmas Day with us for the last 6 yrs, yesterday he told us he would be spending it with her and her family.

I feel so angry and upset that I now have to explain to a 9 and 4 yr old why their grandad isn 't coming this year!

My husband is close to his dad and doesn't see why I am upset.

Yesterday I sat and listened to my father inlaw telling us about a singing concert her granddaughters were in that they went to watch

I really Don 't know how to handle this, I saw her at a funeral a couple of months ago, we chatted and I told her myself she is welcome at our house, but no effort as been made!

[millie30]

She accused you of something terrible but she did apologise and agree she is probably embarrassed and uncomfortable so prefers to keep her distance.

I don't really understand your gripe against your FIL though to be honest. It sounds like he defended you from her accusations and ended the relationship for a while. He also takes your DC out every weekend which is lovely, and has spent the last 6 christmases with you. He's entitled to a relationship and a life on his own.

[yummincepie]

My point exactly she is a major part of his life.
So you would think they would BOTH make an effort with each others families. I don't want to be best friends with this women, but it feels like my family children my husband and myself don't exsist.

I am relunctant to tell my children someone they never see, to be honest how do I explain it to them. You all seem to have the answers and I am struggling here.

As for carrying on a feud, that's not me at all. Have not said this to anyone else. Hurts like he'll when your the one trying and get nothing back

[takataka]

sounds like FiL is not that close to his GF then? if she never goes to his house?

[yummincepie]

Come to conclusion fil leads 2 separate lives.

I have tried to be friendly, but now I am going to stop trying and consentrate on my own little family unit

[yummincepie]

Thank you for all replies, I got it out of my system.

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

I am sure you are a loving DIL - who knows why this woman dislikes you or why she won't meet you. Perhaps the reason she took against you in the first place was she resented how much you demanded of your FIL or how he was subsumed into his DS's family. If you were worried about FIL dropping you all, that's not happened has it. He doesn't have to prove anything by forcing two grown women to be friends. Are you keen to "keep your enemy close"? For all you know he might be trying to build bridges. Does DH have a view on this? He doesn't seem concerned?

It's great you are close to DH's dad but he's not your father, his gf has aplogised and anything between them is beyond your control! Your DCs need not miss out on their GF's affections and attention, he sounds a nice guy so why not trust him to remain close without dictating how he spends his time. Hope you have got it out of your system.

[yummincepie]

I have never demanded anything, I have been married for 12 yrs been with my husband for over 15 yrs. I have ever only seen my father inlaw once a week, for an hour or so if that!! A little bit more at christmas and birthdays. And he babysits occasionally on a saturday night.

You make me sound like a controling person.

[HotBurrito1]

I'm wondering if your own experience of grandparents was very different Yummi? If yours were heavily involved then you might have been hoping for the same for your kids?

I never had any grandparents and therefore am completely happy for my kid's grandparents to be as involved (or not) as they wish and they are all different.

You can still have a lovely Christmas without GPs (we have loads of times) and I expect he'll be back next year.

[yummincepie]

I too never had GPs so I have nothing to compare with ,mine pass away before I was even born, and when I was a toddler, I have no memory of them all.

Decided to let it go, I am sure we will have a lovely chrirtmas

[HotBurrito1]

I'm sure you will