To want to punch people who say - "cheer up love, it might never happen"

[dawsonjunior]

Have an afternoon off with a friend, go to costa. I save a table whilst she ordered drinks.
Quite a queue so I was waiting, having a little think about life. When the man on the table next to me says - cheer up love, might never happen.

I must have given him quite the dirty look because he did apologise BUT it's such an insensitive comment for a stranger to make. For all he know I could have been told I had a week to live.

Wish people would keep their bloody comments to themselves.

[cheekybaubles]

Good for you bssh and good news you are well now. :)

[exoticfruits]

It isn't a power thing! It is merely someone who opens their mouth without thinking.

[FastidiaBlueberry]

Yes, it is a power thing.

These men who open their mouths without thinking, do not open their mouths without thinking to other men - only to women.

[Mrsjay]

I have what scots call a dour face it is just how i look , and im always getting cheer up hen even as a little girl I had 'that' face it is so annoying I just ignore it now, It did used to upset me as people thought i was unhappy but i just dont grin like a loon well not much

[exoticfruits]

I wonder what it is when women say inappropriate things to me? ( and yes they do).

[GhostShip]

Oh here we go, another sexism issue..

[FastidiaBlueberry]

Really?

Women tell you to cheer up love, it may never happen?

Just you and missingmum then.

[GreenEggsAndNichts]

Is it not? I've yet to visit the more strident parts of MN but how could this not be a sexist issue? Take a quick poll of male friends, see how many times they've been told by complete strangers to put a smile on their faces. Now ask a few women.

I just asked DH how many times he's been told to smile and he just looked at me like .

[exoticfruits]

Women might not tell you to cheer up but they can be a lot more intrusive!

[GhostShip]

It's wrong and annoying and idiotic, but I wouldn't say its a sexism issue. Not everything bad in life is a sexist issue. It's getting to the point now where I seriously hate the mention of sexism. Not because I don't think it's a valid issue - but because people make things into a sexist issue when they aren't.

A woman has told me to cheer up. It felt a million times worse coming from her because I saw her as a fellow woman. Is that sexist of me to think that I wonder..

[GreenEggsAndNichts]

It seems to be a comment reserved for women, which is why I think it's sexist. I think other women are certainly capable of being sexist, sometimes more so than men if I'm honest.

Which is probably a sexist statement to make. Which is why I rarely tread in these threads. :)

[GhostShip]

My brother gets it all the time probably because he looks like a right miserable sod

He recently had his braces on, I do hope no-one will say it to him anytime soon because it won't go down well.

[bigkidsdidit]

Of course it's sexist. Just because women may be intrusive in a different way doesn't stop this particular thing being sexist.

I asked DH too and he was baffled. Why would anyone say that to him? But I've had it probably 100 times in my life.

Women are meant to walk around smiling.

[wherearemysocka]

I think you can tell when someone's concerned for you and being nice, and when they're just being smug and putting you in your place. I remember blinking back tears on a train once - nothing bad had happened, I was just very lonely and thinking too much, and the man opposite me gently said 'I'm sure it'll get better' - and smiled. At the place I was in then, it actually did comfort me.

Totally different to someone saying it to you on the street because you happen to be thinking and not gaily brightening up everyone's day with your sunny disposition. I can be as miserable as I want, thanks. None of your business whether I am or I'm not. Sod off.

[WMittens]

Yes, it is a power thing.

These men who open their mouths without thinking, do not open their mouths without thinking to other men - only to women.

Oh FFS! Men open their mouths without thinking to anyone, men and women alike. Get over your "oh pity me! I'm a woman in a chauvinist's world!" bullshit.

[exoticfruits]

How on earth do we know it isn't said to men? Men are unlikely to mention it if they did.

[exoticfruits]

I have had it said once to me- it was one if the worst days of my life- it happened to be a market stall holder and they generally have the patter. You can't then assume that all market stall holders do it and only to women-and I could quite easily see him saying it to a man who would be unlikely to comment on it over 20years later!

[FastidiaBlueberry]

"Men open their mouths without thinking to anyone, men and women alike."

No, they don't.

They're much more careful around other men

a) because they respect that they're human beings and they don't have the right to intrude upon them more
and
b) because they know they might get a violent response.

I don't remember asking for your pity and I pity you if that's what you gleaned from my posts.

[FastidiaBlueberry]

The other thing is, men don't say it to women when women are with another man.

[inde]

Men do say it to each other. I used to work in a job I was unhappy in (and it obviously showed) and it was said to me quite regularly by workmates. I don't actually think they mean any harm by it and I think it is an inept way at trying to cheer you up. Particularly inept if they don't know you and don't know what is going on in your life. As many of the posts in this thread show.

[exoticfruits]

We shall never actually know because men simply wouldn't think to mention it.

[inde]

We shall never actually know because men simply wouldn't think to mention it.

I just did.

[FastidiaBlueberry]

Workmates aren't random strangers in the street though, are they inde?

I think there's a world of difference between someone who knows you and some random.

In the same way that there's a world of difference between what that nice old man said to wherearemysocka and a random telling her to smile or cheer up.