Too much time in playpen for toddler?

[lexiss]

This morning DS 17 months woke up at 6am. I got up bf him and put him in the playpen. It is one of those extra large, hexagonal playpens.

Around 6.15 I gave him some water and changed his nappy. Then I went back to bed after making sure the playpen had only safe toys and the baby monitor was plugged in.

I fell asleep and woke up at 8.30. I went out to see DS and he was happily playing with this toys. He is very into small manipulative puzzles, shape boxes, stacking cups etc at the moment and he was busy playing with these.

He had been in the playpen for nearly 2.5 hours! Is this too long? Is there a problem that he plays happliy for this length of time by himself?

Most days I have a nap during the day for an hour or so and DS spends this time in the playpen but I have never left him for 2.5 hours before.

What do you think about this?

[Gentleness]

Hasn't it already been mentioned that he might in fact have slept for a significant part of that 2.5 hrs? My experience with my boys (and granted they are easy placid ones) is that they let me know if they are hungry, thirsty or bored. I am amazed that anyone is worried at a child being happily alone for 2.5 hrs from 6.15am to 8 whatever it was. The baby monitor was on, op would have been as aware of a problem at this time as she would have been with a problem at 3am. Seriously - don't you think he just dozed a bit himself in between bouts of playing? Please op, don't be worried that your child is happy!

[MrsRhettButler]

I agree with Gentleness, he probably went back to sleep anyway.

[SamSmalaidh]

HoldMe - if I was paying a nanny/nursery I would expect to be paying for their full attention. If my mum/sister/friend was doing me a favour and babysitting for a weekend then it would be a totally different matter! You can't really compare parenting with paid childcare

[MrsRhettButler]

It's just the same as leaving them in a cot IMO, if dd wakes up and doesn't start crying then I leave her where she is and get my sleep. She often goes back to sleep anyway.

[CoolaSchmoola]

I'm a big fan of the large playpen we have a dog and I put 14 mth DD in ours whilst I potter about doing housework. I don't leave them alone together so a playpen is ideal when I'm in and out.

DD will play happily for a couple of hours in there but I chat to her as I go past and stop and play for a few minutes every so often.

I love the playpen, and wouldn't be without it.

But I think could NEVER leave her in it whilst I slept, and definitely not in another room, monitor or not.

With toddlers you don't need to worry about them when they are making a noise - it's when they are quiet that there is most likely to be a problem.

Yes I use a playpen. I leave DD downstairs in it, but I listen to her babbling and toys moving constantly and if it goes silent that is when I check she's ok, because she isn't actually doing what I would expect - ie playing with toys. Last time she was playing with a spider! (Eeeek!) But it could mean something more worrying like choking or a fall that has knocked them out.

If you are asleep you are missing the silences, and for me when a toddler goes silent they need checking on.

Plus At 17 mths he could discover how to climb out at any time - what if he'd cracked it this morning, or any other time you are asleep? He could have done anything, gone anywhere and you wouldn't know. Even in the same room.

Playpens are brilliant but you still need to check every 10mins or so. They are an aid to parenting not a substitute.

I believe when DD is awake I should be awake - - no matter how tired I am. She relies on me to keep her safe 24/7 and now she's mobile and I know she WILL suddenly climb out of her cot and playpen one day leaving her awake in either whilst I was asleep and unaware is unthinkable.

FWIW she wakes 2-3 times a night and barely naps. I am knackered. But then I kind of anticipated I would be when I had kids, for a couple of years at least.

Do you have a DP? Could you nap when they get home?

I think this is an accident waiting to happen. He's safe now, but one day he will learn how to climb out and if you carry on sleeping whilst he is awake chances are you will be sleeping when he does.

They don't only tell you to sleep when the baby sleeps for your benefit - the reverse is true... Sleep when they sleep because you need to be awake when they are awake.

Look at it this way - If something (God forbid) happened whilst you were sleeping and left DS alone what view do you think SS would take?

I can tell you. It would be neglect. And that's why you should not be doing it.

[Idocrazythings]

Just remember OP just as you wouldn't ask people in RL these sorts of things a lot of posters probably wouldn't say these things in RL to someone's face. I feel for you and you are getting a really hard time here; yes, maybe sleeping is not a perfect choice to make but there are a far worse load of things you could do. and you've now said you won't do it any more

I only shower in the evenings, I have a friend who gets up at 6 to get ready for the day in peace. It's good to do it at night as the heat helps your body unwind and get to sleep better.

[AmberSocks]

Im quite shocked you went off to bed and left him on his own in another room in a playpen,i know theres a little risk of somehting bad happening but its not even that,i just think its not very nice to be leaving him on his own for that long,yes he may of been happy enough but i wouldnt want to tbh.

Why cant you just nap when he naps?

[CoolaSchmoola]

MrsRhett is your DD big enough to stand in her cot with her shoulders above the rail? If so she's big enough to climb out. And once they realise it takes seconds - and ends in a big bump because they have no idea how to land...

[SamSmalaidh]

Does no one ever leave their child in a cot while they are in another room?

[FernandoIsFaster]

. Just...

Never in a million years would I dream of doing this.

No 17 month old I have ever known would stay quiet for 2.5 hours. I can only imagine that your child is used to being left alone for such long periods which is worrying imho.

[crazyhatlady]

Having read your last post lexiss your comment about not interacting with you child whilst they play stands out.
No you don't have to physically play with your child if they're happily playing with toys however it's still important to interact with them whilst they're doing so ( not all the time obviously). It's how they learn.
If you're child regularly plays by himself for long periods of time then that is really unusual and I would probably mention it to hv.

[SamSmalaidh]

Or that he slept Fernando?

Seriously, a child regularly playing by themselves is something to mention to the HV? My DS has always played fine by himself when we are at home

[Idocrazythings]

A child keeping themselves amused for a length of time could also be a sign of intelligence. Jus sayin'

[SolomanDaisy]

The shower/toilet thing is a nightmare now we can't use the playpen! DS comes with me. I have the world's quickest showers with him peering in and giggling. Fortunately he finds it too funny to run off. I also use the phrase, 'not now darling, mummy's wiping her bottom', more than I'd like...

[RandallPinkFloyd]

I certainly don't think the playing alone is an issue. If he wanted you to play with him he'd be sure to let you know! Independent play is very important and if he enjoys it then you following him round is just going to piss him off.

I hope it didn't coma across as dismissive or rude when I suggested seeing your GP. It certainly wasn't meant that way. I just think that if you need to nap every day then there is a problem. We all have the odd tired week day and those that say they don't are talking straight out of their arses, but when it becomes every day I think it's a bit different.

I don't know anything about sleep disorders so I have no idea if it's a pattern your body has sunk into and it can be sort of re-trained or if it needs medical help so if it was me I'd have to ask for help that's all I meant.

I don't think it's exactly the same as sleeping in a different room at night but I'd agree it's pretty damn far from neglectful for crying out loud.

[SamSmalaidh]

If my child wanted to get up at 6am, I certainly wouldn't be getting up and playing with them.

[tittytittyhanghang]

pahahaha

If something (God forbid) happened whilst you were sleeping and left DS alone what view do you think SS would take?

Well it all depends on circumstances, if you left them starving in the kitchen with the oven on and gave them the sharp knives to cut up the half bag of illegal drugs to amuse themselves, then i imagine they would take a dim view.

If you left them in a safe secure area, like a cot, travel cot or playpen, with age appropriate toys and they were well fed/watered/cuddled then I think it would go down as a tragic accident.

And plenty of toddlers are happy to keep themselves occupied for longer periods than 10 minutes. Insinuting that because a toddler is happy to play alone for a couple of hours is because they are obviously the product of a neglectful parent is as insulting as me saying that children that can't go longer than 10 minutes without interaction must be because they have some behaviour definiciency - please note that i don't believe this at all, just showing how absurd it is!

If you're child regularly plays by himself for long periods of time then that is really unusual and I would probably mention it to hv. I don't think i should even justify this with an answer, its that fucking stupid and insulting.

[RosemaryHoyt]

I think you have been really sensible asking Lexiss, I think a lot of posters are a bit jealous as they would love a 2.5hr lie in. Agree with the mummy martyr post above. I would be on the sofa, but not because that would feel more 'right' to me, not rational, as DSs are in cots for 14 hrs out of 24 and play in the morning without waking me. if I'm lucky

Playpens are great for safety, showers and toilets etc.

[SugarplumMary]

I'd have slept in the same room - on sofa or floor.

I know the ideal is your always up when they are but I had 3 close together was regularly up bf all night or dealing with nightmares or had some horrible stressful stuff happen to us that left me drained or was ill and sometime pg but had no one to help me so I did fall asleep.

It is best to do it with them in a play pen - safe and happy and later transfixed sat next to you in front of appropriate TV while you doze or next to you in bed playing.

If you have one who is still napping then yes ? try and nap then or at least stop still ie down and rest and if you have someone you can call you can come round ? I often didn?t - then obviously that is better.


As long as the bulk of the day you are interacting with him and he's safe while you sleep and he'll wake you if he needs to - I'd assume he'll be fine.

[OHforDUCKScake]

17 months old, abandoned for 2.5 hours.

Im shocked how many people are ok with this. He may be contained and safe but he was totally alone. Hes just 17 months.

Perhaps he did sleep, but Im assuming that there was nothing but floor there? People are ok with this too?

Jeez OP just have go to bed earlier.

[SamSmalaidh]

Abandoned

My 27 month old is abandoned in his room for 2 hours every afternoon. And 12 hours overnight if I'm lucky

[tittytittyhanghang]

Lexxis, I have a 12 year old and a nearly 2 year old. My 12 year old sounds similar to your dc, when he was little. I used a playpen for both, and both are 'normal' children. Ds1 would play for hours on his own in the afternoons/evenings, quite happily. Equally he would play with other children when he was out and about.

[Gentleness]

Play-pen may mean padded floor and anyway, my kids could sleep fine on the floor as can children all over the world.

Not alone - baby monitor.

I'm beginning to wonder if I am a flaky mum or if others are just more precious.