Too much time in playpen for toddler?

[lexiss]

This morning DS 17 months woke up at 6am. I got up bf him and put him in the playpen. It is one of those extra large, hexagonal playpens.

Around 6.15 I gave him some water and changed his nappy. Then I went back to bed after making sure the playpen had only safe toys and the baby monitor was plugged in.

I fell asleep and woke up at 8.30. I went out to see DS and he was happily playing with this toys. He is very into small manipulative puzzles, shape boxes, stacking cups etc at the moment and he was busy playing with these.

He had been in the playpen for nearly 2.5 hours! Is this too long? Is there a problem that he plays happliy for this length of time by himself?

Most days I have a nap during the day for an hour or so and DS spends this time in the playpen but I have never left him for 2.5 hours before.

What do you think about this?

[SamSmalaidh]

Even at night akaemmafrost, or if they wake up really early? My DS is 2, so older than the OP's, but I am definitely not getting out of bed before 7am I think it is still good for him to have a couple of hours quiet time after lunch too, even if he doesn't nap.

[Marzipanface]

Neglectful?? Seriously? She didn't do it on purpose. The child was in safe surroundings and there was a baby monitor nearby.

I don't think it is advisable but saying it is neglectful is so over the top.

[IneedAsockamnesty]

Sam its pretty piss poor if your not aware enough to know if there is a problem

[ll31]

wouldn't go asleep with toddler that age awake and playing in other room... tbh you sound like you dont have much intetaction if you view 15 mins as long.. not saying theres anything wrong with that, just v different to my experience

[SamSmalaidh]

Who isn't aware enough to know there is a problem though Sock, especially with a baby monitor? Actually I have never used a baby monitor and still wake up if DS ever cries in the night/is ill/falls out of bed.

[SamSmalaidh]

15 minutes of 1:1 playing with a toddler is pretty long in my opinion!

[IneedAsockamnesty]

Or how about instead of pming me you just go and see you doctor or talk to a medical practitioner.

At the very least look on the NHS website and try what they advise

[akaemmafrost]

Well mine co slept until about 3 or 4 so it never really came up. I couldn't have let them get up without me either, they wanted breakfast!

[Idocrazythings]

I think it's good your child can play independently and amuse himself. It's not good for them if we are always entertaining them and doing things for them. I would say 1 1/2 hours (with you around, not ignoring him, but doing jobs- dinner, washing, cleaning etc. would be a reasonable time in there as long as he knows you are around and can see you most of the time. At least he's playing and not spacing out in front of the TV.

You probably should cut back your naps, though, as soon he'll be climbing out of the play pen, you'll get NO nap time and end up in a world of hurt! Don't beat yourself up over having a nap though, you must be pretty tired to have to do it (is your iron levels etc. ok?)

[orchidee]

Neglectful parents wouldn't question what they'd done, or ask for other opinions.

It could be neglectful if your child knew "no point in crying even though I'm upset, no-one will come" but that's not what happened here.

Psychologists say that a toddler should have time for child-directed play, so you can e.g. start an activity then back off, or let them choose what to play with and in what way (e.g. I'm not stacking the cups, I'm going to bang them together instead.)

I'd imagine your baby did this for a while, napped then woke. I'm also up during the night with an 18mo and understand that if mum's tired in the morning, baby may be too.

[ll31]

maybe long in boredom but not in time!!!!

[IneedAsockamnesty]

I don't I was responding to your idea that people should pm me to fix there insomnia.

[lexiss]

I posted because I wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do. I wouldn't ask anyone in real life because I wouldn't want judgement, but how else am I to get an idea of what is considered bad or good parenting without asking?

I won't nap in a separate room from him again as it is clear the majority disagree with the safety of this.

Those without playpens what do you do when you go to shower/toilet? Genuine question.

We might not interact much while he plays with his toys at home, but I take him out to playgroups/swimming/library most days. And we always chat or sing in the car or when out with the buggy.

Also the reason we have a playpen is that we rent and cannot use safety gates.

[GoldPlatedNineDoors]

The shower or toilet doesnt take 2.5hrs OP. Put ds in the pen while you use the loo and shower before he gets up / afyer he is in bed / while he is napping.

[HazelnutinCaramel]

Hmmm. It sounds like he was never in any danger so I don't think you did too much wrong.

Actually the thing that concerns me in this scenario is that he was happy to play by himself for so long. I think that is very unusual and a bit worrying. I don't know enough about child development to know if it's an indicator of anything being wrong and more than likely isn't but maybe worth a chat with the HV.

[SamSmalaidh]

ll31 - long enough though. A few 10-15 minute bursts of 1:1 playing during the day is fine. Some parents make the mistake (especially with their first) or playing/entertaining them constantly and the poor things arrive at nursery completely unable to just play without an adult interacting/organising/directing them.

[MrsRhettButler]

No,he wasn't hungry, if a 17mo is hungry you will know about it.

[SamSmalaidh]

lexis - under 2ish DS would come with me to the toilet or while I showered, or I showered while he was asleep. Now I either leave him playing downstairs while I am in the toilet or he comes with me. While I shower he usually plays in his bedroom (gate on the door). If I couldn't have gates on his bedroom door and on the kitchen door I would probably use a playpen.

When he was 12-18 months we did basically have one room that was totally baby safe, and I would often nap on the sofa there while he played. No different to napping on the sofa in the same room his is in a playpen.

[DefinitelyNotMe]

Interesting, DP and I had a similar argument conversation about him leaving 9 month old DD "playing happily" in her cot for over an hour, with him sleeping in the same room. My issue is that he says he will wake up if she cries, but I've been there when she has cried and he just doesn't hear her. And I'm the one with insomnia while he gets a good 8 hours a night If he really is happy for that long I'm not sure it's an issue...

[MrsRhettButler]

My dd (14mo) will wake in the night or in the morning and talk to herself quite happily for two hours or more so I don't think it's a sign of anything to worry about. Some kids are happy in their own company nd some are not.

[HoldMeCloserTonyDanza]

If he had a nanny and she did this, how would you feel?

If he was at nursery and they left him unattended in a playpen for 2.5 hours, how would you feel?

I have insomnia as well, I know how utterly crap it can be, but if this had happened to me I would be straight back at the doctors because being THIS tired just isn't okay when you are in charge of small children.

I sympathise, I do, but I think you need to make managing your condition better your top priority. What have you tried so far? What does your doctor say?