To hate 'the wife'?

[cheekybaubles]

AIBU to have a go at DH because he addressed me as 'the wife' to someone else? I mean did I wake up this morning in the 1980's during an episode of Boon or something? Urgh!

Glad to be of assistance

When I am stressed and upset about a lot of things, yes.

And you claim (boast) that he modifies his perfectly reasonable behaviour around you as a result? That's quite controlling and abusive, shame on you.

what strange thread. we have *blushoes8 who gets offended by 'the wife' but is happy to slag off a whole group of people.

and SNF who thinks shouting and swearing at her DH until he daren't use a certain phrase is ok.

well how strange. Wondering what reaction there would be a if a female poster said she made a jokey comment and got shouted and swore at.

I am not particularly offended by 'the wife' ...

It's not strange Nora, it's the standard double standard amongst some of the more vocal MN posters.

I find this thread both amusing and incredulous at the same time.

OK...so when you got married and they announced you husband and wife....did you get uppity and offended at that? Surely that by the very definition makes you a wife and given bigamy is illegal...'the wife' sounds like a perfectly normal description to me. It's not like he called you fat.

As Nora just said. What would your collective reaction be if you addressed your OH as '...the husband' in front of your friends and he started 'having a go' and/or shouting/swearing?

"She who must be obeyed" is the worst I think. Pretty sure MrW says "My wife" instead of "The wife". He's too posh to say the latter :)

Ok blueshoes what are the connotations and why do you and your dh feel its inappropriate and not like it. Which you don't. Clearly.

Ok, nora, I'll explain since you asked nicely. If someone used it in my presence (which won't be dh), I would simply draw inferences about that person. The term itself won't get me hot under the collar.

So your its the connotations about the person that uses the phrase. Not the connotations about the phrase.

Well if you and your dh are happy about being so bigoted and judgmental. Good luck to, I suppose.

Yes

I don't have a problem with it all though - like most things it is down to context.

I sometimes refer to DW as SWMBO, my honey. The one that offends her is "squeeze" so I don't say that. She wouldn't swear at me though just as I wouldn't swear at her. That would be rude, unpleasant, and show a shameful lack of vocabulary.

I get called the hubby, my man, himself, my sweetie.

I'm really sorry if any of you are offended by the way your partners speak of you. Of course, I'm sorry if they are offended by you, too.

How about this one? "The Minister for War and Finance". My BIL calls his wife that and his brother, my husband, thinks it's funny.

Though I notice he never calls me it :)

I think it all depends how sensitive you are to the possible meanings and origins behind phrases. I dislike "the wife" because I feel like it probably originates in the days when wives were objectified and husbands acted like their wives needed placating or mollifying so that said husband could go out and behave how he pleased, i.e. "I'll just have to run that by the wife first."

Similarly, I dislike "other half" because it makes me think, erm, are you really just half a person now you're in a couple?

And I was very surprised when my mixed-race husband described himself as "half-caste" on a form asking for his ethnicity, because to me that's an insulting term. But he couldn't give a crap about the origins of the term or whether it was perceived by some to be insulting, it was just his way of describing himself.

I'm not saying my way of thinking is particularly rational or helpful, because generally the phrases aren't intended to be derogatory. But I am, like many others, sensitive to these meanings so when I hear terms like "the wife" they grate on me.

I hate the term 'the wife'. Might as well be 'the woman' or 'the book'.
I do refer to my kids as 'the kids', but only in the plural, I wouldn't dream of referring to one of them as 'the son' or 'the daughter'.
I also think we need a new term for adult heterosexuals living together. I don't like OH, but we're too old and have been living together too long to be 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend'. 'Partner' could refer to a business arrangement. Any suggestions ?

Spouse?

Anyway, just told dh some of the responses and he said we "all need to get a life". (doesn't take critism well)
At least he might think twice before he calls me "the wife" again. Small steps. I will get respect one day :)

My husband refers to me as 'The Boss'. I can live with that :o

Not all of us need to get a life. He is right that some do though, along with a grip.

Too true

I don't like. I don't think DH has ever used it.

But if we want to discuss outdated terminology - it's better than 'er indoors

My mum is not into the Feminist movement but once told me she hates my other half, since she's not a half.

The one I really hate is "hubby" - utterling vomit making tweeness. As would be 'wifey' but you don't seem to hear that.