to let my five year old still sleep in my bed, or are the 'eyebrow raisers' BU?

[mummytowillow]

There are just the two of us in our house, my daughter is five and loves sleeping in my bed.

She went through a stage where she went to sleep in my bed and stayed there all night. I've managed to get her to go to sleep in her bed, but by about 1am she's sneaked into my bed. Sometimes I notice, sometimes I just wake in the morning and she's there!

To be honest, I quite like it, were very close and rarely spend time away from each other apart from work and school. I have a king size bed so no space issues and she doesn't wriggle and sleeps all night.

BUT people who find this out raise their eyebrows and say its not normal?

My mum is very vocal about it, thinks it wrong, she'll get used to it, she's not a baby blah blah blah. I'm single, no boyfriends so that's not a problem, so who is being unreasonable, me, her or the 'eyebrow raisers'.

And if I need to get her out of the habit, how on earth do I do it. Its just easy to let her get in when its 1am, cold and I'm cosy and warm!

[FreudiansSlipper]

ds also used to fall asleep in my arms on the sofa until about a year ago then i would put him in bed, apparently that was wrong too what is so wrong about wanting to be cuddled when falling asleep

[Gingerbreadlatte]

I've no issue with the idea of it at all and know its lovely, won't last forever etc


Am curious how you can sustain a relationship if you always have children in bed?? I know you can have sex elsewhere but it must create some separation for partners.

E.g when not on mat leave I work a lot so the only time Dh and I get together to talk etc is in bed. It wouldn't work for anyone if our 3 Yo was there. If she needs us one of us gets in her bed with her.

Am curious not critical

[JugglingWithPossibilities]

My DS is 11 now and still comes in to see us both in the morning for a hug and cuddle more often than not - result ! ( meaning Win-Win all round )

[CelineMcBean]

and I don't expect them to ask about mine that should say

[aufaniae]

YANBU! DS comes in with us every morning - sometime between 5 and 7 and goes back to sleep for a bit.

If DP's away, DS sleeps in with me.

[RabbitsMakeGOLDBaubles]

I love a little snuggle with the kiddos. But I have no relationship to worry about sustaining.

[darksideofthemooncup]

My Dd is nearly 5 and up until she went to school was always in my bed. She still comes in occasionally but most nights she stays in her own room. I think it is down to personal choice, I knew she would make the transition in her own time, despite a LOT of criticism from various friends and family.
If it works for you both then it really is nobody else's business.

[bedmonster]

I agree with you TooMuch TBH, sleeping with DC in the bed is not for me beyond about 6 months, but we have all always loved doing it until then. There just came a part for us when we decided we actually wanted to have eavh other to ourselves IYKWIM.

Dont care what other people do, really, I wouldn't judge people for liking it, but I love sleeping with my DP in the same bed, being able to roll over for a cuddle when I want one and then roll away again when I get too hot, or just want to stretch out a bit. Being able to talk late at night, have a bowl of ice cream in bed, watch tv etc, without fear of waking up DC.

OP, if it suits you, ignore others.

[Haberdashery]

While I love my DH very much and obviously like being close to him, he is a louder (snoring, farting, grunting) and more annoying (kicking the covers off, rearranging pillows in the middle of the night, getting up for a wee every five minutes) bed partner than DD who sleeps neatly and quietly and warmly and doesn't get in my way.

As for having a partner in the future, I suppose the OP will cross that bridge when she comes to it. It may be that by then her child will have opted for her own bed anyway!

[EnjoyResponsibly]

As well as being a source of comfort and contentment, the key has to be that sleep is essential.

As a young mum, my day relied on military planning to get us to a point where we could get out of the house to have a walk, go to groups or see friends family to socialise and have fun. Not possible if you're grumpy, disorientated with sleep deprivation and short fused when you finally get to your destination.

Now DS is older, if he sleeps well his day at school is happier. He is more able to concentrate, has enough energy to do after school activities etc.

All that, plus the smell of a sleeping small child. What's not to love?

[Haberdashery]

Also, our relationship is fine. DD starts off the night in her own bed so we have enough adult time before she comes and gets in around midnight or a bit later.

[FergusSingsTheBlues]

Those poor men getting relegated to the spare room! I could never turf mine out no matter how much i love my sons fat little paws. Are they happy with it? Just curious!

[AnnoyedAtWork]

YANBU when I was a single parent my dd slept in bed with me every night pretty much till she was 6 and we moved in with DP

I still miss it!

[AlmostAHipster]

I've always let my kids sleep with me if they want to. I want them to know that I'm there for a cuddle if they need one or have had a nightmare.

Every morning, they all come in for a snuggle - including the 18 year old when she's home. I can't see that changing as they get older (the younger ones are 11 and 13).

YANBU, OP.

[JugglingWithPossibilities]

What's so bad about a night of un-interrupted sleep in the spare room ?
I think if I was happy to parent my two DC's through the night every night he has nothing to moan about !

[Wallison]

^the smell of a sleeping small child

I love this! I love the smell of his hair and my favourite bit, ever since he was a newborn, has always been the back of his neck.

I am a neck-sniffing co-sleeping weirdo! Christ, this was never how I envisaged myself being...

[flow4]

YADNBU. Just don't tell the eyebrow-raisers. Or your health visitor.

[Haberdashery]

When DD was smaller and we had a smaller bed and she slept more, um, wildly, DH was delighted to decamp to the spare room when necessary. He was happy to get uninterrupted sleep. It was only a matter of a few months until DD got better at sleeping without punching people.

[LtEveDallas]

Am curious how you can sustain a relationship if you always have children in bed?? I know you can have sex elsewhere but it must create some separation for partners

Friday afternoons or the spare bed

Those poor men getting relegated to the spare room! I could never turf mine out no matter how much i love my sons fat little paws. Are they happy with it? Just curious!

DH in the spare bed means I get more sleep, when I get more sleep I'm less grumpy with him - so yes, he's happy with it!

(We stayed at my sisters last weekend - me, DH and DD in the same room. By Sunday morning both DD and I were ready to kill DH. Even the dog stalked off and slept downstairs in disgust )

[Morloth]

I sometimes sleep in the spare room if everyone is in our bed. Our spare bed is very nice and the spare room is very much 'my' room with my computer and filing and my bits in the wardrobe.

The boys both have king singles as well and they often snuggle up together in their room.

Musical beds here, who cares as long as everyone is safe and warm and loved does it actually matter who sleeps where.

[JohnBender88]

I don't see a problem with it. Whenever I had a nightmare I'd go in beside my mum, even when I was a teenager. I felt safe with her.

[mummytowillow]

Yay! All positive stories and comments, so we shall continue our snuggles and being poked in the head at 6am 'are you awake mummy'! Hmm I am now!

[comfyclothes]

My 5 year old ends up in with me most nights or I will go through and sleep with him in his room. I like the cuddles to be honest and I know that he will eventually grow out of it.

I remember going through a stage of sleeping in with my parents and I think I was older than 4/5 and it didn't do me any harm so yanbu

[ZebraOwl]

As long as you're both comfy & sleep well I think it's lovely! Might be good to make sure she CAN sleep on her own okay so she'll feel confident about sleepovers etc, but you've plenty of time for that if she's only five! Fear you might also need to be prepared for her to get negative reactions from [some of] her peers if she tells them that she sleeps in with you (am thinking things like "that's babyish/weird") so you can discuss with her how it's not babyish/weird but just an example of how everybody's family does things differently.

FWIW I was still invading my parents' bed if I'd nightmares right up until Mummy died when I was ten & a half. I'd sometimes go & sleep in with Daddy after that, but as mostly the nightmares were about my mother's death the empty space where she should've been was not exactly all that comforting. My sister, who only really started having nightmares after Mummy died (funny that...) would climb into bed with me if she had a bad dream. Or if she was feeling sad or scared or sick. She'd also invade my bed on Saturday mornings - she kept the habit of waking at unholy o'clock on Saturdays until well into her teens & up until the advent of my niece anytime we were together overnight she'd make sure to be up early enough to come & snuggle up in bed with me.

She has her own space if she wants it & it's not causing either of you to have sleepFAIL so I think you should stick with it for as long as it feels Right for both of you. Having someone to cuddle with - especially as it's just the two of you - is a lovely thing. Not right for everyone, obviously, but as it is for you I think you should cherish it & ignore the snarky hoikers of judgey-pants&bosoms.

[TheHouseofMirth]

I must admit I delight in telling people we still co-sleep. Just as this thread demonstrates, many people then admit it doing it too and I'm confident enough in my own parenting choices to not care if people are critical (though no one ever has been to my face). Maybe if we all talked about it a bit more it would then appear more acceptable?