To think that this is rude behavior from both the child and parent?

[honeytea]

I am not sure if IABU or not., I'm not a parent yet (PFB due any time now) but I do work with kids so I am not compleatly naive about kids.

This evening we went to IKEA to buy some clothes hangers that were too bloody big for the baby clothes. i was walking with my DP and having braxton hicks (they happen whenever I walk at the moment very anoying) I was walking waddling fairly slowly. A child of around 6/7 rushed past pretending to be in a racing car swerving from side to side, he bumped hard into my tummy, looked up at me (I bent over) and continued. The child's father saw what happened looked at us, didn't say anything and walked on, he didn't tell his child to stop.

I was not worried about the baby, I have had my fair share of bumps and my placenta is at the back so I don't worry about it coming away. I just felt like the parent was so very rude to have said nothing, not even a rushed "sorry" as he walked past. I know the child may have had SN, but even so, wouldn't a quick sorry have been the right thing to do.

I said to my DP that I was shocked that neither child or parent had said sorry, he just said "but the child was racing in his pretend car"

I don't live in the UK, the country where we live (my DP's home country) has very relaxed attitudes to kids behavior, they can do no wrong and if they do there doesn't seem to be any sort of consequences. My DP says that I have expectations bassed on being British and I expect people to be overly polite. Do you think IABU to expect either father or child to have said sorry?

[honeytea]

I think thats right, I have heard "could you be so snäll as to make me a cup of tea?"

[FlaminNoraImPregnantPanda]

It's another form of vänligt (adjective meaning friendly) isn't it honeytea? I can see it now I've looked up the precise meaning. I just couldn't place it in the context of saying 'please'.

I've heard 'snälla' (also means kindly) used for 'please' quite often. But mainly by foreigners struggling with the lack of actual word. I've only ever heard a Swede say 'tack' (thanks) for 'please'.

[honeytea]

I have never heard vänligen either, never.

[FlaminNoraImPregnantPanda]

Apparantly it means 'friendly' or 'kindly' and is sometimes used to fill the gap left by their being no direct word for please.

[FlaminNoraImPregnantPanda]

I've lived in Sweden for many, many years Imperial and I've never heard that word. Going to look it up in my lexicon. BRB

[Havingkitties]

I find ikea full of rude people, full stop. It's like they are all trying to beat each other to the Swedish flat pack bargains and they don't care what casualties they leave in their wake.
This dad should of apologised to you though. The son I can forgive as he may not know he should apologise or not have been shown that its rude to bump into people, that's where being a parent comes into play.

[ImperialBlether]

Just looked up 'please' in Swedish - according to Free Translation it's 'vänligen'.

What would someone actually mean by 'vänligen'?

[FlaminNoraImPregnantPanda]

honeytea my friend is a teacher and she despairs of how far the pendulum has swung in terms of child disipline. She says kids talk all through her lessons, go in and out of the room as they see fit, play on their phones etc. She says there is nothing she can do about it. She is only allowed to present the subject, it's upto the child whether they want to learn it or not.

[FlaminNoraImPregnantPanda]

Don't be put off. There are plenty of positives too which make Sweden a lovely place to visit/live. For a start the fact that displining children is an alien concept means that you will never get judgey looks or comments when your kids throw a tantrum and there are fabulous playgrounds everywhere to keep the little hooligans out of trouble, as well as breakfast clubs, afterschool clubs, holiday clubs, youth clubs etc till they're coming out of your ears.

[Rindercella]

Yadnbu. The man should have apologised for his child banging into you, regardless of where in the world you are.

In the UK when I was heavily pregnant with DD1 (and I was HUGE so no missing the bump!), I was in a supermarket and a child of 5/6 years old somehow managed to drop a 2 litre bottle of coke on my foot. It hurt, a lot. I shouted out in pain and the man with the child (assume the father) just snarled at me and said, it can't have hurt that much. No apology, nothing. Thought it was an appalling example to show his child - obviously it was an accident, but there was no reason to then be rude to me about it.

[honeytea]

I feel that the lack of discipline is verging on neglect. It is all very well ignoring a roudy child bumping into people at IKEA, the only negative thing that will happen to the child is that they will think it is ok to bump into people (or run into a candle dispaly) but the parents tend to take the same approach when they are at train stations or near water I have to not look lots of the time whilst kids run around and the parents say nothing.

I work as an english tutor for little kids (only spoken english as my written english is pants due to me being dyslexic, but the kids don't learn to read till they are 7 anyway) I have seen so many things that shock me, a child at 5 who will only poo in a nappy, he is toilet trained but he likes it better to have his poos in a nappy so when he needs a poo they pop a nappy on him and he poos. A 6 year old who I was babysitting for, the parents left me her dinner, it was a jar of baby food and a plastic spoon, I had to feed the child as she didn't know how to feed herself. A 12 year old allowed 3 days off school because she didn't like her hair style.

[MummyPig24]

P.s Sweden sounds scary, shan't be rushing over there on hols!

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

It sounds like politeness in public places is imposed

[FlaminNoraImPregnantPanda]

I like Sweden's approach to caring for children. No shouting sounds like a good ideal as does attending to your baby when it is crying. I do have Swedish heritage though so maybe that's why!

It's not about no shouting. It's about no repremanding at all. No saying No! No making decisions which upset your child. Basically putting the child in control and the parent being devolved of all parenting powers.

[redexpat]

I read the first post and thought ooh is she in Denmark? The expectations of behaviour are very different. In some respects I like it because the children are just children, adn are much more relaxed but then in situations like the one you've outlined it drives me nuts! Brits are wonderful at apologising.

[MummyPig24]

YANBU, but then I'm British too. I know my ds would be v.tempted to whizz around in a pretend car but I'd make sure he knew to walk nicely and always apologise and tell him to if he gets in anyones way and would certainly be very apologetic if he had bumped into anyone, pregnant or not!

[honeytea]

And galway girl it must be a real worry for you, must make you extra alert about things around your bump.

[FlaminNoraImPregnantPanda]

I would also add that you can always tell a Swede who has extensive travel experience or who has worked abroad from the ones who've never left Sweden's borders. They are the ones who are polite, well mannered and dislike the rudness they see in their countrymen.

[honeytea]

They have complex systems for queueing, you take a little number and wait to be called, they would push in if you are waiting for a car parking space. If they trod on your foot they would not say sorry.

I hope that I can be a fun mum without having a ferral child.

My DP's rection when he is in the UK is so funny, he gets really confused, so if he bumps into someone and they turn around and say sorry he just doesn't understand.

[Goldenbear]

YANBU in expecting an apology from the Dad but YABU to expect the boy to not be in the main part of the shop just because there is a soft play section.

I think IKEA want children in the main shopping area as they make it very child friendly. I took my DC to IKEA on a weekday last week they are 5 and 19 months. It was pretty empty as it wasn't half term for the children in my mum's area who we were staying with. TBH they really enjoyed the main bit and I had no intention of leaving them in the Crèche soft play.

I like Sweden's approach to caring for children. No shouting sounds like a good ideal as does attending to your baby when it is crying. I do have Swedish heritage though so maybe that's why!

[JamieandtheMagicTorch]

Interesting.

[galwaygirl]

Haha, that is so true Nora!

[LaCiccolina]

Doing my own bit of travelling around Europe and US I have no idea where you live as all the countries Ive been too most certainly would have said sorry in their own language if not english!

Unfortunately you met a rude pair. They exist in all mores the pity.....

[galwaygirl]

Jamie, queuing is unreal - they are literally breathing down your neck. I've often been waiting to pay assuming the two people in front of me are together but no the second person is next in the queue just practically hugging the person in front!