to consider this in our circumstances?

[MikeOxard]

I am considering a tummy tuck. DS is 4 months and I got massive with him, I had excess amniotic fluid, plus he was big so I ended up with an emergency c-section when he couldn't come out. I put on 4 stone in the pregnancy which I have now lost and am a size 8 again, but my stomach just looks horrendous. It is really wrinkly and there is so much skin just hanging down. There is no way this amount of skin will shrink back before anyone suggests that might happen, there is just massively too much skin there. This didn't happen with my first dc.

I feel really awful about it. I can't stand dh touching me or even hinting about having sex - it makes me cry every time. We used to be very close and have a great sex life. I know dh is desperate for a physical relationship again (so am I, I just can't!), but I imagine that if we started having sex, he would very quickly lose his erection because he'd be so disgusted with himself for shagging something so gross. :( I can't shake that thought and it makes me cry. I am on anti-depressants which have helped I think - I still think/feel the same but I am more able to put it out of my mind now, so I only cry when the subject comes up, not all the time anymore.

I had a consultation and was advised I am ideal for surgery as I have loads of skin and not much fat. However it would cost £5,000. Dh says he understands and we can do this if I chose to, but it would mean me going back to work earlier. I love my dc and want to spend as much time as possible with them, especially as baby ds is my last baby. Is it mad to leave him a few months earlier than I have to, just for this? I want to see if we can get a mortgage holiday for 6 months, which would allow me to pay for the surgery and stay on mat leave, but dh won't entertain the idea in case one of us loses our job or an emergency happens and we need it but have used it up. So AIBU/WWYD?

[maddening]

Oh and corsets can be very sexy whilst covering your tummy

[Morloth]

Give it at least a year.

At least.

And get your head sorted out first, because the thoughts of your DH being disgusted are not normal and you do need to do something about that before you get the knives out. He loves you, and if he is a good man he will love you no matter what you look like.

I can guarantee I have been far more unattractive than you are right now. I went from a size 24 down to a size 10 over a couple of years, there was a LOT of extra skin. You can exercise a lot of it away, but I still have wobbly bits. High protein/Weight training is good for this BTW.

I decided that I wasn't willing to take any risks for the sake of skin, but I can understand why you feel differently.

But don't do it yet, just don't, it is far too soon after the birth and any surgeon who would do it is a cowboy and not to be trusted.

Get your head sorted out before you get your tummy sorted out. It might still be the best idea (excess skin can cause actual physical problems), but you might find that once you have your head sorted, your tummy kinda takes care of itself.

[midori1999]

I have had a tummy tuck, (also a couple of other cosmetic procedures) so I am not against 'cosmetic' surgery in any way, but I really think that a) it is far too soon after having a baby to be thinking about this and b) if you have PND you shouldn't even be considering surgery until that is sorted and IMO any decent surgeon would tell you the same thing too.

[FobblyWoof]

OP I can safely say that every mum I've met in RL felt absolutely shit about themselves for a good long period of time, each of them with various body shapes after child birth. I'm not trying to downplay how you feel, quite the opposite.

I remember becoming obsessed with the way I looked post birth when it had never bothered me before (despite being big). Sure, you might have a lot of skin, and it might not all go away but I definitely think you need to do all you can on your own before you consider surgery. Even just losing a bit of it may give you a confidence boost.

[procrastinor]

OP I would wait. And I say that as someone who has worked for some incredible surgeons who do this op and who taught me to do it (under supervision - I wouldn't feel confident doing one solo). It's a big op, bigger than I expected it to be.

It may be that your skin won't go back, mine won't but it did improve with time. If you have it now your skin elasticity may improve and then you would be left with an overtight tuck. Also I have to agree that no reputable surgeon would agree to it so soon after birth and whilst you're still early days on in treatment for PND. It's a disaster waiting to happen.

Give yourself one year. Start saving now. But also look into the funding criteria for plastic surgery in your area. Abdominiplasties are done for mental health as well but it depends on your PCT. I would go for a surgeon who works in a well respected plastics unit that does high volume tummy tucks on the NHS, not a surgeon who supplements his income by working in a factory production line plastic surgery company.

Depending on where you are I know the names if some excellent surgeons who would do the right thing by you as a person, not as an income potential. And they wouldn't operate at the moment.

[cory]

Another voice for giving it another year before you make a decision on this one:

Your body needs more time to recover from one lot of surgery before you embark on the next and any reputable surgeon would tell you so (the fact that this one doesn't is a red flag imo).

You have no means of knowing how your body will change naturally in a year, as you recover and baby gets more active- it takes most people more than 4 months to get back to where they were.

It can also take a long time for the sex drive to recover; I wouldn't base any decisions on that.

This is a year in which your baby will need a lot of help, lifting, carrying, constant attention. If you are going to put yourself in a position where you are helpless and risk becoming ill for a long time at least wait until he is a bit older.

Your hormones are still all over the place from the birth and you are being treated for depression- this is not a time to make decisions that could affect your whole life, not to mention the life of your baby. And again, a surgeon who recommends a non-vital operation for somebody being treated for PND is a big red flag in my book.

If you have those extra months at home with the baby you could spend part of them on activities that make you healthier.

Your body issues won't necessarily go away with the tummy tuck: again, the surgeon should be recommending counselling first and then (possibly) the tummy tuck.

Take that year- and at the end of it, if you need to, find yourself a different kind of surgeon.

[MikeOxard]

Thank you for your thoughts and advice everyone, I am really trying to take it on board. If I am honest with myself I know if I had the money in the bank I would probably have it done yesterday, but since that isn't an option anyway I will try to stop thinking 'how could I get this done ASAP?' and try to think of it as a problem that is resolvable in due course. It would be silly to have it done before being physically ready after pregnancy c-section anyway. The surgeon didn't mention this being a possible issue but as suggested upthread, the bloke has a living to make! I think I will talk to a couple more surgeons too, and make sure I have thought of everything and am comfortable with the person performing the op. Thanks all.