to have gone to this party?

[vvviola]

I'm beginning to think there are 'Mums at school gates' rules rather like dating rules...

Brief story: DD had been coming home from school for past week talking about Anne's Halloween party & could she go. I'd heard nothing from Anne's mum, assumed it was a family party or something not related to school friends and thought no more of it. DD mentioned it a few times, but I kept putting her off saying you couldn't just decide to go to someone else's party.

Leaving school on Halloween Anne's Mum says "so we'll see you tonight?", I look at her blankly & we eventually figure out the invitation had gone awry.

Long story short - we went had a ball & all was wonderful.

I was then told by another (non-connected) friend, that I should have said I was busy. That the Mum would know I 'have no life' and wouldn't want to be friends with me. A bit like the 'don't except any date for Saturday unless they ask by Thursday' stuff.

Seriously?? Have I missed some unwritten rule of the school gate (not entirely unreasonable to assume, I'm a little awkward with new friendships & social cues sometimes). But really, should I have turned down a perfectly lovely invite because she asked at short notice?

[MrsTerryPratchett]

I find more and more that I ignore these 'rules'. As a result I only seem to make friends with people who are nice, non-PA, interesting, have a sense of humour and aren't enormous bitches. Win-win.

[MrsCantSayAnything]

It's good to have a blank spot Stars it means you're an innately nice person.

[StarsGhostTail]

I have a total blank spot for this sort of rubbish and certainly would have gone.

In any case your DD wanted to go and knew she wasn't doing anything else.

Why would you upset her because of the idiocy that may or may not be school gate etiquette.

[LadyLetch]

Totally the right thing to go. I had a Halloween party and completely forgot who I invited (it's not the sort of party you send out formal invites to iyswim) so I was still running around on the last day and probably still forgot to tell some people . I wouldn't read anything more into it!

[MrsCantSayAnything]

Vi you sound like me re. the fear of misreading group dynamics! I am CRAP at it.

[MrsCantSayAnything]

No no....you were right to go! The other friend was jealous. I am happy your DD had a lovely time.

[TartyMcTart]

Was your other friend jealous that she hadn't been invited?

It seems very odd. Anyway, glad you went and had a fab time! [hgrin]

[KnockKnockPenny]

Your friend is very weird. Anne's mother was probably more thrilled that you were still able to come at short notice, and that you enjoyed yourself.

[picnicbasketcase]

What rot some people talk, So if another mum invites her to go for a coffee that same day, she must pretend to have something else to do so she doesn't look unpopular? What a load of Bridget jones bollocks.

[INeedThatForkOff]

Your friend is being a dick. HTH!

[vvviola]

Ah good to see my instinct seems to have been right! I mean, it was a genuine mistake, a nice invite & we all had a lovely time. I was really taken aback by what my friend said.

headinhands I'm pretty sure she wasn't joking, she said it in that tone of "oh poor Vi, she's gone and misread group dynamics again" (I am a little reticent in those kind of informal happen-to-meet-up-regularly situations and often worry if I've presumed too great or too little a friendship damn school bullies still having an effect)

[OlaRapaceFru]

I think your friend sounds slightly bonkers. You and Anne's mum sorted out the misunderstanding about the invitation perfectly amicably - and you and your DD had a lovely time. Why apply that sort of tactic just so you don't look like a Billy No Mates and disappoint your DD in the process?

[OwedToAutumn]

Bloody hell, you didn't have plans for a Wednesday night!

What kind of boring life do you lead! [hwink]

[headinhands]

Is it possible that the non-connected friend was just joking when she said that?

[SeveredCabbage]

The other mother sounds a bit mad. Why would you care if Anne's mum thought you had a life or not!

[rumbelina]

That's just daft advice. It isn't a game, you were free, you went, had a great time. I'm sure the other mum isn't sitting there thinking, well vvviola's a right saddo, fancy being free on a Wednesday night.

[vvviola]

MrsMangoBiscuit I think what happened was that the Mum had said the invite verbally to the group who usually stand together chatting without realising I wasn't there. And then when everyone all said "oh yes, lovely" she kind of assumed I'd said yes too. Poor thing looked mortified when I clearly knew nothing about it.

[MrsMangoBiscuit]

I'd have gone too. The "rules" sound pretty stupid to me. Besides, if your DD has been going on about it for a week, then the invite should have been with you earlier.

[girlsyearapart]

Err no sounds like your other friend is the weird one here..

Unless you're planning on sleeping with Annes mum you don't have to play hard to get !

If your daughter wanted to go,knew about it & you were (eventually) invited by the mum I don't see why not?