To wish the doctor wouldn't ask my opinion?

[MomsNatter]

I know we're all customers rather than patients these days, but please, i have not had 6 years of medical training - don't ask me what I think my son's treatment should be!

Basically my son has had a cough/cold for about 6 weeks. He's fine in himself, but he just can't shift it. So the doctor asks me what I want to do - give him antibiotics or not. I don't know. Take the lead please!

[RevoltingPeasant]

You didn't sound cross at the OP Squeak [hsmile]

[pointyfangs]

I like this approach, so I think YABU. I was bitten by a spider in July, it was very painful (apparently we have poisonous spiders in the UK, who knew?) and it was infected so I ended up going to the out of hours doc. He was very sensible, explained the pros and cons, understood that it might be tricky for me to get an appointment again if things got worse. We ended up with him giving me the prescription, leaving the decision of fill/not fill up to me. I gave it 48 hours, things got worse, I for the antibiotics, I got better. And I felt I'd been properly consulted too.

[cumfy]

I guess she was trying to get you involved, feel in control and understand your position.

Did she prescribe abx ?

[Emandlu]

Theas18 he probably did say something along those lines but tbh I was having an internal flap about the whole thing and couldn't process what he was telling me. This is why I wished he would make the decision. All I knew was that I wanted my ds to not have a gaping wound on his hand.

[VerySmallSqueak]

I'm glad Revolting.

I've almost begged for antibiotics before a couple of times for the kids.

On both occasions they ended up getting much iller,and on one occasion I was sent to A&E immediately,and the other resulted in a referral to a specialist. In both situations,antibiotics finally sorted it out.I would never have left it that long before trying antibiotics given the choice by the GP.

[BartletForTeamGB]

I do this. I ask about their Ideas, Concerns and Expectations. My job is to give people the options and why I think they are good or bad, and then to support them with whatever option (no matter how daft I think it is sometimes) they want to try. Sometimes, we'll then be able to come up with plans together, like we'll try this new medicine for 3 months, but if it doesn't work, we'll agree that then he will try this one.

"Basically my son has had a cough/cold for about 6 weeks. He's fine in himself, but he just can't shift it. So the doctor asks me what I want to do - give him antibiotics or not. I don't know. "

In this case, I think the GP is trying to establish if you have a plan that you want out of the consultation. Why have you come back to the GP now? Have you brought your son back to get antibiotics (which may not work)? Or are you happy, given he is well in himself, to continue waiting? Are you worried about, say, asthma or cancer? If you are, the GP can then reassure you or arrange tests if appropriate? It is that sort of thing.

Scroll down to Aims of the Consultation if you want to read a bit more about how we are trained now, compared to the 'Doctor Knows Best' attitude of yesteryear.

[Wheels79]

YABU. Your doctor does not have a choice. They must abide by the GMC's standards in Good Medical Practice or else risk being subject to Fitness to Pracrice proceedings. Good Medical Practice says "To fulfil your role in the doctor-patient partnership you must:
...
e. support patients in caring for themselves to improve and maintain their health
f. encourage patients who have knowledge about their condition to use this when they are making decisions about their care."

[SuzysZoo]

I think doctors do this partly because of some probably touchy feely initiative to make you feel part of the process, but also because quite a lot of the time the mother really does know what is wrong with her child (or not wrong). They know a mother/father may have access to the internet and two hours to spend googling that they don't have, over the very specific symptoms that may have developed over a day or so, so I'd say it is a good idea that they ask.....

[BartletForTeamGB]

In fact, this approach has been used on me. DS had been having fevers. He had been seen by a GP out of hours who thought it was viral and would settle. It carried on so I saw my usual GP a few days later. She agreed that she thought it was viral, but gave me a prescription of antibiotics that I could fill if it wasn't settling in the next 48 hours (obviously with the advice to seek medical help if he was getting worse). Pretty much hours after seeing her (I think it was just a co-incidence rather than her healing hands [winks]), it settled so I ripped the prescription up and threw it away.

[SamSmalaidh]

Involving the patient is fine if they are given the information they need to make the decision!

[incognitomama]

In fairness this how they are trained. Part of the consultation is aimed at asking for your idea's, concerns and expectations. The reason they do this is to ensure that they do not make a decision that conflicts with any views you may have on the management of the problem. For example, there are a lot of people that fear Anti D's and would rather be offered alternatives as a first option (perhaps counselling for example). Imagine if you were afraid about something and then you were told in a very black and white way this exact thing was going to happen!! It gives you the opportunity to say "I do want this..." or "I don't want that..." Make the most of it, that suggests to me your GP was awake during med school and has fantastic consultation skills. Hope that Helps

[Casmama]

I really don't understand the problem- if you don't feel that you have enough information then ask for more advice. If you are comfortable making a decision then make it. Surely people understand that a consultation is just a conversation and both people can contribute and ask questions?

[StarsGhostTail]

It is not like he's saying, 'Sooo, DS's leg is broken, shall we leave it or put a cast on?'

I've had the next best thing. "Shall we take your DD back to theatre and reset her arm, or shall we chance that it will end up straight?"

Option one meant she ended up in plaster in Disney land and banned from all the rides, option " is rather risky when its her right arm.

I'm afraid I looked him straight in the eye and said "If she was your DD, What would you do?"

He said he'd leave it, so we did.

[Loveweekends10]

I'm glad my doc does this. I have had extensive experience as a senior nurse and would be pissed off if he didn't.
However if he she gives me a rationale argument why they are prescribing or not prescribing then I listen and take advice.

[Dappylittlemomma]

YABU. 'What do you think is best?', or similar is a very easy thing to say.

[Sirzy]

It's what doctors should do. I know when my DS needs steroids for his asthma but because the GP doesn't listen to me so decides he doesn't need them he invariably ends up in A and E needing steroids.

GPs do their consultation based on how they are in that 5 minute slot. That doesn't always give the most accurate picture of a situation, much better to involve the patent and/or parents who are more aware of how they are in the wider sense.

[dappleton]

I think in situations where the outcome is going to be fine either way they are just going to give you the relevant information and then let you decide i.e. these are the pro's and con's what do you want to do....if you don't feel you can make a decision then say so i.e. just say 'do what you would do if he was your son'.

[lyndie]

This is the way we are trained now and it's good practice to share decision making. Some choices are not appropriate to be offered like this, and sometimes when there is really not other option I will say so. However for many many medical problems there are a variety of treatments and a variety of outcomes - there may be no real way of choosing apart from trial and error.

Just an example but in a patient with depression you have a choice of antidepressants, psychology input or waiting and reviewing (as well as other optiobs), you'd be surprised how many choose to watch and wait and don't want any CPN input etc. we give them information and help making choices.

[FunBagFreddie]

It's nice to feel as though you have an element of control and a say in yours or your child's welfare.

There's nothing to stop people from reading up on things and actually educating themselves a bit, so that when the doctor asks their opinion, they actually have one!

Personally I hate feeling out of control and doctors just treating you as an illness and non-person. I like to feel involved and to be asked about what I want.

[cory]

Ime the doctors who have involved me in the discussion have also been the most competent and knowledgeable doctors, the ones whose advice I am then the happiest to take.

Besides, having spent 10 years dealing with dd's condition and reading all the available medical literature I do actually know a little more about this particular area than a doctor for whom it represents at best a footnote in their textbook.

[Ephiny]

I don't see the problem at all, it seems entirely appropriate for the patient (or their parent if a small child) to be talked through the options and involved in the decision-making process. And sometimes there isn't strong medical evidence for either course of action, so it can be a matter of personal preference and values.

Even my vet works like this.

If you don't know, or don't have an opinion, then surely you can just say so. Or ask more questions if you need/want to.

[MrsTittleMouse]

I hate it when doctors don't do this! Just like lots on here, it's my body (or my child) and I don't want a patronising paternalistic doctor deciding that he/she knows best and patting me on the head metaphorically. :)

I've had a doctor tell me "if you were my sister, I'd want you to have this treatment", which I thought was a sensible way to give me his opinion (although I had already decided to have it anyway). I've also gone to a doctor and said "I think that X treatment might be appropriate here" and she didn't even know what I was talking about! Luckily I was so persistent and annoying that she referred me to a colleague, who did know about the treatment, which turned out to be very successful.

[MadBusLadyHauntsTheMetro]

I think it's a polite acknowledgement that the Dr doesn't know everything about your life, and realises that for a minor illness people's preferences may vary.

For all she knew, your DS might have had a major sporting event coming up next month and you might have wanted to throw everything you could at him getting better asap. Or, you might have been someone very opposed to antibiotics in general, in which case she's not going to push your boundaries on account of a cold.

On the other hand I think it's quite legitimate to say, "In this case I don't have any preferences pushing me one way or the other. What would you do if it was your child?"

[Dogsmom]

yanbu, it feels very unprofessional, fair enough if they say "I would recommend x because of xyz, do you agree or is there something else you'd like to try?"

My doctor is the same, a few years ago I went because I'd been having headaches for 2 months and she said 'what do you want me to do? send you for an MRI scan?" then last week I was referred by my MW because of heart palpitations and again it was "What do you want me to do? send you for an ecg?" It doesn't give me much faith.