Toys at the dinner table - I've given up, dh appalled

[Alitoomanykids]

My two year old wont sit still at the dinner table. She is very easily distracted and gets up and down all the time. It is impossible to keep her sitting in either a high chair or a booster seat as she just undoes the straps and stands up / climbs on to the table. I have basically given up and now allow a collection of toys at the dinner table. She actually eats quite well when she wants to but doesn't seem to need more than a few mouthfuls sometimes. Anyway, in a nutshell dh is appalled by this (he works away during the week and is only home at weekends) and its not really fair to the two older kids either who have never been allowed toys at the table. I'm currently taking the path of least resistance!

[dysfunctionalme]

Yes little steps, reduce the number of toys, distract with conversation and let a lot of it go and, as you say, reflect again in a year or so

[Alitoomanykids]

dysfunctionalme - yes I agree. I dont want mealtimes turned into a battleground. In defence of dh, I need to say that he wasnt demanding the removal of peppa, belle, snow white, barbie, george and co from the table just comes from a family which was very strict about these things so was a bit like, whoaaaa, to come back at weekend and find that the table has been invaded by plastic. If we are still having the same conversation 5 years from now.....

On the plus side the food rhymes book arrived and is dead cute so we will be pretending to be 'educational' at mealtimes from now on [big grin]. If anyone else knows of any good food books that will encourage good table manners, please share!

[dysfunctionalme]

Heavens, don't worry about it. She needs to eat, you need to maintain some sort of nice atmosphere, you can worry about the toys later.

[Gentleness]

We have occasionally a couple of toys sat on the table out of reach, watching ds1&2 eating. We have whole conversations with them about everything from good manners to how they can't hold a fork properly because they are plastic. This usually happens when I am feeling slightly deranged from being surrounded by mad toddler-ness all day and dh is not home for tea. When the meal is finished to my satisfaction, the toys come over to celebrate, dance a bit and then they play while I have 30 seconds 5 minutes peace. Or more likely, clear up.

The boys enjoy having their "friends" at the table with them, to talk to, so it seems like a good compromise to me and keeps us from sanity slip-sliding away. It's much more fun having proper human guests, but I couldn't mix toys and guests without being sectioned.

[MrsKeithRichards]

I'm just proud it's not piles of clean washing thats on it!

[ellee]

Yeah, table has been known to disappear completely but it's always turned up again so that's ok

[MrsKeithRichards]

Shit we've not sat at the table in months!

[LineRunner]

Sounds like my ExH.

[ellee]

G*d, what's the issue with toys at the table? Never even crossed my mind that they should not be there! My 3yo has toys (small cars usually) so what? [Confused]

[Alitoomanykids]

bowerbird we dont do large snacks at all, but as I have older kids that do have a snack when they come in from school, she is usually offered some fruit at that time. tbh she sometimes doesn't finish that either. I just dont think she is that fussed about eating sometimes. She would rather be getting into mischief!

Anyway, thanks for all posts. Think most people agree its just a phase and not something to get overly fussed over so will continue with what we are doing.

[KellyElly]

My DD (3) sits at a little table and chairs with her teddy or woody or barbie (sometimes all three) in front of her and they have their own plate with a rice cake on. Its never occurred to me that this is a problem. She's only little. Its fine :)

[shemademedoit]

Well it's lovely when they're sleeping!

[Sparklingbrook]

I have owned a teenager since June she. It's not much of a laugh is it?

[shemademedoit]

I guess I'd have had to follow through! Yes: very lucky my children were so obedient. Now that they're teenagers they're more than making up for it! Perhaps if I'd allowed toys at the table this wouldn't have happened.....

[bowerbird]

OP personally I wouldn't go for toys at the table, but if it gets you through this phase, then I don't see a major problem.

Could I pick up on something else though? Is your DD genuinely hungry when she sits down at the dinner table? You mention that "She actually eats quite well when she wants to but doesn't seem to need more than a few mouthfuls sometimes." Can you cut out snacks in the couple of hours before dinner? I'm not suggesting you starve your child, but so many kids are stuffed full of (even healthy) snacks that they're not keen on sitting down and actually eating again. Just a thought.

[TheDeathAndGlories]

Tinker
Reminds me of casual family dinners as a child where we would all be doing our own thing, reading or playing with a toy. I come from a very functional family so I'm fine with it

[pumpkinsweetie]

She's just two, this phase will pass.
I wouldn't think much of this scenario myself as two year olds aren't meant to sit still for long, it isn't in their nature.

[MaryZed]

What would you do for a child when a threat wasn't enough, shemade? You are lucky your children are so compliant.

[shemademedoit]

Ah, but you see, the threat was enough. Nothing ever actually needed to go in the bin. When a kid is tiny, it's the adult that brings toys to the table. When they were old enough to understand general rules, then they understood very easily that toys were not to be brought to dinner.

[tinkertitonk]

Toys for all!

DH thinks toys are the best part of dinner and shows them to guests.

[Sparklingbrook]

Whatever gets you through she but it's not something I would do. Throwing toys away.

[shemademedoit]

Really? Sparkling. Doesn't seem to have had a horrific effect on my poor children?

[Shutupanddrive]

YANBU, I occasionally allow my 2 year old DS to bring a toy to the table if I know he will put it to one side to eat his food.
I will punish myself with wine later too headless

[Goldmandra]

OK so you're using the toys to encourage appropriate behaviour at the table and to make the meal pleasanter for others who don't want her crawling through their food. That seems very reasonable.

When you feel that she is mature enough to understand that she needs to sit still to eat or get down you can introduce the idea and the toys will become unnecessary.

Some children are emotionally mature enough to cope with this rule at 2.5 and others can't do it until they are 5 or more. You'll know when you think it's appropriate.

Until then your DH probably needs to hear why you're doing it and then accept that you have to manage this situation on your own the majority of the time in the way you feel is best for everyone who present.

[Moominsarescary]

Ds3 is 19 months and often has Ellie with him eating bits of food. Tbh I'd not thought about it.

Can't remember if ds1&2 were the same, probably! Theyre 17 and 9 now and manage to eat at the table without toys so I don't think it does any harm