To expect my nine-year-old to get ready for school?

[StuntNun]

The background is my two boys go to bed at 8.30 p.m. and have their light turned off at 9 p.m. In the morning their alarm goes off at 7.30 a.m. Their underwear, uniform and shoes are laid out in their room. Their breakfast is set out at the table by me while they are getting dressed (so they can decide what they want in the morning). Their school snack and water bottle are on the windowsill by the front door to go into their school bags.

DS2 is six. He gets up when the alarm goes off, comes to see me for a good morning hug. When I tell him he gets dressed (including shoes), goes downstairs, eats his breakfast, brushes his teeth and watches TV for half an hour until it's time to go to school. Then he puts his coat on, puts his snack and bottle in his bag and I do his hair.

DS1 will be 10 in January. Five minutes after his alarm goes off I take the duvet, blanket and pillow off his bed so he can't hide under them. Eventually I bribe, cajole, threaten or use emotional blackmail (e.g. the dog is waiting for a pat from you) until he gets up. He spends 25-50 minutes in various stages of undress until he finally gets downstairs minus his shoes and sometimes without his socks on. He then eats breakfast but it can be difficult to get him to eat much because by this time everyone else is waiting to leave. By the time I get him out of the house I am stressed out and exhausted.

Am I expecting too much of him? I try to make sure he has enough sleep, e.g. same bedtime at the weekends. I get everything ready for him. Short of dragging him out of bed, dressing him myself and feeding him like a baby, I don't see what else I can do to get him ready. I dread to think what it will be like when he goes to high school and has to be on time for the bus.

[steppemum]

oh yes flowery I have done that one too. Occasionally ds (9) will have astrop about something and refuse to get ready. i tell him he can follow when he is dressed and in the meantime I am leaving wiht dds and I will explain to his teacher exactly why he is late.
He is ususally downstairs in about 30 seconds

I think you mus be careful about comparing. Of course he can get ready at 9 yo, but he is a different person to his brother, and he may find it harder for whatever reason. If you push the little brother can do it at him, it is almost certainly going to build resentment

[nannyof3]

Ok.

Has he always been like this ??

I think: it could be 1 of 2 things;

Either: He is becoming a normal boy , hitting teenager years to fast,

Or

Theres something else there, a special need of some sort......

Ur def not asking to much, my 3 year old gets herself, up, washed, dressed and ready

[sensiblebev]

My 12yo dd is a nightmare and it's driving me nuts too. We struck a deal; if I wake her and lay out her clothes AND fill the sink with warm water and a flannel, then she gets ready. Everyday she faffs and is late. NOW if she's late(she calls for a friend whose dad drives them if late) she has no computers after school. She is still late every morning.

Arrrggh!

[CaliforniaLeaving]

I threatened oldest son with earlier bedtimes if he didn't get himself sorted in the mornings, I did it too, If I had to fight him he went to bed 30 minutes earlier the that night. He went to bed an hour early a couple of times (fighting me two mornings in a row) didn't cure him but helped a lot and got him to get out of the bed when asked.
My Dh said he had to put his alarm clock across the room as a kid or he hit snooze. Getting out of the bed to turn it off worked for him.

[valiumredhead]

I would just leave him and ring the school and say he was going to be late every time he did this - he can deal with the consequences of his lateness.

[nokidshere]

Some children are just better at different times of day, just like grown ups.

I am a nightime person. I function at my best between 9pm and 2am and can often be found baking or cleaning then. My dh is a morning person, he likes to get up with the lark and has often been out before the rest of us even wake.

We are all different it's just a case of finding what works for him within your own household.

[kate2boysandabump]

I don't think you're expecting too much.

My boys are 9 and 7, they get their own uniform out and get dressed, make their own breakfast, bring in the milk, clear the dishes into the dishwasher and get their own school bags ready. When all that's done, they can do whatever they like.

Ds1 is dyspraxic and finds it much harder than ds2, as he's so easily distracted e.g put shoes on, read some of book, realise ds2 has left the room, put on tie, play with some lego, get the 10 minute warning, run round like a loon packing his bag. Some mornings are better than others.

As an aside, mine wouldn't be able to get up at 7:30 if they hadn't gone to sleep until 9, as they both love their sleep! Maybe a trial of an earlier bedtime to see if it has an effect?

[RuleBritannia]

My DIL has strict getting-ready-for-school-times. I was staying with them once and the 7 year old had no shoes. He couldn't find them because they'd been left outside all night (Southern hemisphere). He was taken to school in socks but my DIL had sandals in a bag that she gave to a teacher on arrival. He has never been so lazy since.

I do not interfere.

[StuntNun]

I love AIBU, there's some really good comments on here. I may try letting him get up later. If he could handle that then it would be better for me to maybe get my breakfast finished before he's up. He did have some issues with bullying this term but I think it was more his perception than malicious intent and has now been resolved - it was one of those 'falling out with best friend' things. There's no TV for the boys until they're ready to go.

I don't so much get his clothes out for him as encourage him to put them away when he gets changed. I just check they are clean enough for the next day and put the underwear out because I think he would dither too much otherwise. He's perfectly able to adapt and overcome if the clothes aren't out for him.

Giving him more responsibility is a great suggestion. That is what I've been trying to achieve but he doesn't seem to get it.

Regarding the debate over whether I should expect DS1 to be able to do what his six-year old brother can do, that is really the key question I am asking here. I am a morning person so getting up and getting ready for school was never a problem for me. Clearly DS2 is the same. But DS1 isn't a morning person and I was wondering whether I was asking too much of him. I have limited experience of the skills set of nine-year-olds! I do remember my mum dressing my brother when he was really too old to need it because she thought it was easier than making him do it himself. He is 31 now and can dress himself so the problem must have resolved at some point.

Btw he has always been difficult in the morning, I think I've spent the last five years coming up with new ways to 'persuade' him to get ready. We had a good system last school year where he got reward stars depending on speed of dressing. The problem is trying it took someone standing over him most of the time. I'm expecting DS3 in three weeks so I was hoping to teach DS1 and DS2 to be a bit more autonomous in the morning.

[sashh]

I'm very much a morning person, but (you knew there was a but didn't you?) I have to have a coffee and something to eat before I get dressed.

I know it ounds stupid but what about letting him eat breakfast in pyjamas and then getting dressed?