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AIBU?

was this a bit hysterical?

44 replies

YerMaw1989 · 14/10/2012 23:47

we were out to dinner the other day and my DM was watching toddler DS who had finished eating and was a bit bored/restless.
He wandered off into the gents and my DM went grabbed him fair enough, she came back saying 'that was a close one' and said 'Ooh I'm not comfortable with little boys going into the gents room' my DP asked why and she made an incredulous noise.

I said 'in the three seconds he was in there what do think would have happened?' AIBU in thinking this is a but hysterical I mean at some point my DS will have to go in alone to the gents.

OP posts:

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Proudnscary · 15/10/2012 07:10

Rough - you will no doubt be accused of hysteria and perpetuating urban myths if certain posters read your post. I once mentioned that there had been two incidents of children being grabbed in my local area on an AIBU thread (both children escaped unharmed). One happened outside my dc's old school at about 8.15am and school was shut for the day, the other in the local park and a police email was circulated to local parents. But I was grilled and ridiculed and disbelieved and accused of regurgitating scare mongering myths from Facebook (I'm not even on Facebook!). It made me furious. I'm not some silly gossipy eejit who loves sharing ghoulish tales about the Child Catcher - I am a 42 year old, intelligent woman who is fairly laid back about my children and their independence, but who lives in the real world where these things do happen.

roughtyping · 15/10/2012 07:12

Proud, people can ridicule me all they like :) it's not them I'm bothered about.

But - I sound v naive now - I really just DID NOT think that these type of things happened until these incidents both happened, very recently, very close to home. It's a horrible feeling.

mutny · 15/10/2012 07:27

The asda incident was on sky news. So not sure how people would accuse her of making it up.

However its rare. Thu there is not need for a toddler to wonder into a toilet on his own. I wouldn't want my toddler in there on his own. He would be playing in the urinal.

MrsMangelfanciedPaulRobinson · 15/10/2012 07:55

I think YABU to just allow your ds to wander off. If your mum hadn't chased after him he could have been in those toilets a lot longer. Hardly the cleanest and most suitable place for a child to go and play!

MrsKeithRichards · 15/10/2012 08:19

I never used to let my son use the men's because of the temptation to splash about in the urinals but from the age of 4 he's went himself.

10?! Really?!? My son point blank refuse s to set foot in ladies!

gordyslovesheep · 15/10/2012 08:25

of course it happens - lots of things happen - kids get run over, fall off things and get hurt etc etc but it's not a reason to stop them doing things

Adults have to make risk assessments daily - how do we ever learn to do that if we don't have the opportunity to take risks - we are denying our kids chance to develop essential skills by not letting them out of our site

Statistically they are more likely to be assaulted in your bathroom at home by a relative or friend but we don't accompany them there.

YANBU

gordyslovesheep · 15/10/2012 08:26

sight god damn it

snooter · 15/10/2012 08:27

I used to take small toys, paper & pencils etc to amuse my son after he had finished eating but before we had. He wasn't allowed to wander round in restaurants. As for going to the gents' by himself - he decided he wanted to from about 7yo - we used to to to M&S as I decided the blokes in M&S were less pervy (!) & the loos were a bit cleaner & used to push the door open & shout to him if I felt he was taking too long.

ENormaSnob · 15/10/2012 08:28

There have been numerous assaults in public toilets.

nameuschangeus · 15/10/2012 08:31

I must admit I hate my Ds's going in the men's toilets too. I have read a couple of articles over the years about people being assaulted in toilets - the availability of a locked cubicle and the normality of having genitals out make toilets an easy place for someone who was looking to prey on a child. Having said that I know that it isn't 'normal' to be concerned in this way so the Ds's do go in but I always watch who has gone in and come out in the time they're in there, and I try to send them together. Flame me if you like but I'll still carry on

BeyondLimitsOfTheLivingDead · 15/10/2012 08:35

Reminds me of beyond stood in ladies changing room in the (pregnant so quite devoid of shame), altogether. Lady walks in and says, oh I hope you dont mind, my little boy would rather change in with us than on his own in the mens". Oh dont be silly, of course not", replies mum of boys beyond. And in walks her 14/15 year old son.
Little boy?! Little boy!!!

Glitterkitten24 · 15/10/2012 08:37

There was a 4 year old boy molested in the toilets in an asda near me a few weeks ago, maybe she saw the media coverage of that case?

As an aside a lot of the comments on fb and locally was along the lines of 'what was the mother thinking letting him go to the toilet alone?' which really surprised and annoyed me.

roughtyping · 15/10/2012 09:36

Glitter - agree. It obviously wasn't the mother's fault - we SHOULD be able to let them go by themselves.

It's like the argument about why some women are raped - 'you shouldn't have walked there alone' etc. the posters talking about risk assessment are right, it's just such a horribly shit world sometimes.

YerMaw1989 · 15/10/2012 09:49

For the love of god PaulRobinson My DM said she would watch him play on the machines because he was getting restless, I didn't just 'let him wander off' into the toilets, he did ambled into the toilets about 10 mins into playing.*sigh , anyway.....

I agree allowing a child completely unsupervised is wrong but I was thinking what in literally 10 seconds? I agree with a poster above putting the fear of god into kids is almost as bad as not protecting them enough. and because stranger abuse is rarer than known person abuse.
The children in the news, I actually often wonder is that the real length of time they were in there or were they left in their longer.

OP posts:

FutTheShuckUp · 15/10/2012 10:06

I agree with Worra. Toddler or not he should not be allowed to leave the table until everyone has finished, how will he ever learn manners otherwise?

FutTheShuckUp · 15/10/2012 10:07

Oh shucks sorry I forgot, toddlers should be allowed to be 'sociable' and 'spirited' ergo having no manners in a public place...

YerMaw1989 · 15/10/2012 10:15

Poor manners is allowing a child to scream the place down while people are eating their meals and disrupting things.

I am not going round the tree's with this any longer its utterly irrelevant to the topic at hand.

OP posts:

GossipWitch · 15/10/2012 10:20

lol reminds me of a time when exmil told me to hold tight on ds's hand because she didn't like the way a bloke was looking at him, ds was four and telling jokes, and being generally silly, what adult isn't going to smile at the blonde cherub telling bad jokes...

lljkk · 15/10/2012 13:56

I guess it depends what your mum meant, and you'd have to ask her.
Tots touch yucky places in toilets given half a chance, but whether she was especially bothered about a massive 3 seconds in the gents in particular, well, ask her if that's what she meant. Maybe she meant it was close call because she could have encountered a partly nude strange man in there.

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